Have you or someone you know been spanked, whipped or otherwise dominated by the deceptive marketing of 50 Shades of Grey-branded sex lube? If so, you may be entitled to compensation for your losses, should one California woman's new lawsuit be successful.

A new class of debonair Jay Gatsbys has emerged to instant wealth (and, presumably, inevitable tragedy) this week, as the Federal Trade Commission began parceling out $40M in checks to idiotic lazy boneses all over this great land. Office workers; toll booth operators; big boned teen girls with body types that might be described as "athletic" (but not by an athlete)—all of them (509,175 in total) called up their bosses and said "I'm quitting my job because starting today, I am rich!"