Sexxxy wealthy foot model Christina Ambers marrying a doorman at her fancy building: A heartwarming story of love overcoming class barriers. Finding out Ambers previously dated another doorman: What a low-class slut. Tabloid law: Unbreakable. [NYDN]

A hot sexxxy foot model's hot feet got too hot for her fancy Upper East Side neighbors, once she married a hot doorman in her building, alleges the hottest new tabloid class war story to hit hot type!

The Way We Live Now: Tip-top! "Wall Street on Track to Award Record Pay." Meanwhile, we're cutting the pay of non-Wall Streeters in half, and lowering the minimum wage. The rational market at work!

You learn something new every day: Second-string NYC borough Queens is home to one of the city's "wealthiest communities!" Furthermore, the laughably stereotypical residents of this community are locked in a laughably stereotypical class war with laughably stereotypical college kids.

The trailer for Capitalism: A Love Story, Michael Moore's new movie, is here. It's about banks, and how they're bad, and how the working man can't get by any more. He tries to make a citizens' arrest of AIG. Ha-ha.

As we learned during the Bush administration, the only legitimate role the federal government can play in stimulating the economy is sending everyone in America a check. That's always fiscally responsible, too. So why do Democrats hate simple economics?

The New York Times' Economix blog has found yet another upside to the recession: It's only happening to men.

Is that good or bad? We just don't know anymore in this topsy-turvy world of bailouts and bonuses and government ownership of corporate monsters. But whatever—AIG pulled in a cool $1.8 billion last quarter.

As your money burned last year and banks groveled for cash, we knew they kept handing out billions of bonus cash. But now we know how just a small few put their snouts to the trough.

Yes, everyone drinks more in a recession, but they drink the cheapest, vilest swill they can find. The New York Times reports while wine sales are up, the industry is hurting because high-end wines are in a tailspin.

The management at Conde Nast is well aware that lowly assistants—who are paid poverty wages in order to take order from high-strung self-important media assholes in $8,000 outfits all day—could snap at any time. Solution: divide, conquer.

The St. Regis Monarch Beach, the rich-people hotel that AIG executives partied at after getting all their bailout money, couldn't pay its bills and so now a bailed-out Citigroup owns it. And it's losing money. Your money.

Bank of America posted a $3.2 billion profit last quarter, and Citigroup earned $4.3 billion. The friend you lent $50 last week so he could afford groceries is showing you his new iPhone. Punch him in the face.

This week started with Goldman Sachs making billions in profits, and starting the Wall Street Pay Machine back up. Now, JPMorgan Chase has also posted a spectacular second quarter profit. Well. What could go wrong?

Bernie Madoff's been sentenced to die in prison. Now, all those victimized by him have found peace. Just kidding! They're all in anguish. Seriously, we're worried about them. The victims are dealing with their rage in three distinct ways:

MySpace today confirmed the rumors it will lay off 300 international staff, on top of 400 U.S. layoffs last week. The social network also shoved aside purported co-founder Tom Anderson, who has a new gig: NOT going to the office.

Peter Getty's breezy, self-pitying musings on being idle righ infuriated fellow San Franciscans and, indeed, people across the country. Who is this heir, and why does he find copious wealth so unpalatable? Here's a quick rundown.

The failing San Francisco Chronicle has started—in the midst of the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression—a blog by two idly rich guys. Topic: "What's it like to be rich?" Lots of dodging pitchforks, I imagine.

The rhetoric is over. The violence has begun! A bomber is on the loose! New York City has been struck by its fourth explosion in as many years, a slow reign of anarchist terror as the yuppies slumber. The message: "Bourgeoisie, repent or die." Or maybe: "We are bored teenagers."

Class rage at the New York Times! While the paper is on a ride straight to no-money hell, the execs are still getting paid big bucks. The NYT's not living up to its editorial page!