The punchline you have been waiting for since Gwyneth Paltrow launched luxury lifestyle cult GOOP has arrived: Now introducing THE GOOP CLEANSE, a Paltrow-branded digestive cleansing kit.

As we have pointed out in the past, "juice cleanses" are bullshit, scams peddled by sharps to to sucker the desperate. Still, today brings yet another first-person trend story about juice cleansing. But—progress is being made!

So! John Mayer's on a roll these days. The Celebrity-Industrial Complex investigative blogger and expert on date-rapey sounding quotes is now suggesting to his minions that they embark on a one-week digital cleanse. And we're here to help.