Now that teenage girls have finally gotten over their fear of Twilight star Robert Pattinson's chest hair, they can go back to their regularly scheduled, quavery anticipation for the vampire-in-love drama, which comes out in just a few weeks. How intense is the want-to-see factor for the film? For a primer, just check out this excerpt of footage that just leaked from the Rome Film Festival, where the dialogue is no match for the Beatles-worthy shrieking from the audience that greets every single moment. Summit Entertainment's logo? "AHHHHH!" The first glimpse of Pattinson? "AHHHHH!" The arrival of a female supporting player who's maybe tenth-billed, at best? Screams, fainting, and revivals that can only be successfully administered by the Pope himself. We'd pegged this movie as The Dark Knight for girls, but even Bat-mania was never this loud. Clip above (be sure to turn down your volume). [Twilight]

Cisco, the San Jose-based networking-equipment giant, is closing its free campus gyms — and replacing them with a new, larger one for which employees will have to pay $20 a month. In explaining the change, Cisco's HR team has claimed it's subsidizing the price of the gym, as well as other health facilities at the same site by 90 percent. So, what, the gym would actually cost $200/mo. at market rates? Must be some gym. Check it out in this video a Cisco source smuggled off-campus, and read Cisco's memo, which touts the loss of free gyms as bringing a "positive return on investment for Cisco." If you're feeling brave, crash the gym's grand opening on Monday.

After taking on both Florida Jews and the entire United Kingdom, Sarah Silverman attempted her biggest feat last night: a grilling on Jimmy Kimmel Live by the on/off ex she sorta kinda lambasted at this year's Creative Emmys. And then, as though that weren't awkward enough, Kimmel had an extra surprise in store for Silverman (and it wasn't Matt or Ben).After some loaded, pause-laden banter, Kimmel unveiled footage of a teenage Sarah (just look at that cute little punim!) singing her heart out. Though Silverman was initially horrified by this blast from the past, the clip eventually became a running joke that both comedians cued up when things got a little too frosty. Would that we all had such an option, but here at Defamer, we doubt that even the old VHS of us belting "Tell Me Something Good" (at age 10!) could get us through an awkward, P.F. Chang's-set reunion with some of our exes. Sarah? Jimmy? Good luck with your post-breakup journey, you crazy kids.

Click to viewProfessional annoyance Kara Swisher, the BoomTown blogger, went to a how-to-survive-the-downturn gabfest, and all she got was this lousy video. Captured on her Flip camera: Mahalo CEO Jason Calacanis, who didn't predict the downturn; Nirav Tolia, the Epinions cofounder — an entrepreneur — who hasn't laid anyone off since the last bubble burst and is surely rusty; Google investor Ram Shriram, who has way too much money to care about such mundane affairs as a recession; and Fast Company videoblogger Robert Scoble, who is cheerfully clueless as ever. The bright side: If Scoble is saying companies need to conserve cash, perhaps we've hit a market bottom.

Happy Halloween, everyone! Who doesn't love Halloween? Besides all that candy and the fact that it gives frat boys everywhere the perfect excuse to indulge a year's worth of cross-dressing impulses, it also brings some of our favorite TV personalities in costume. We already gave you a sneak peek of the ladies of The View, done up as various U.S. presidents (and commend Joy for refraining from remarking to Ronald "Elisabeth" Reagan, "You should only wish for Alzheimer's. That would be the least of your problems."), while the cast of the Today Show embodied their fairytale fantasies (Pinocchio Viera will give you nightmares), and Ellen DeGeneres came out in some kind of matador/coin getup that really marks a step backwards in her fashion evolution. But we highlight for you Regis and Kelly, not so much for the execution of their celebrity chef costumes of Gordon Ramsey and Paula Deen, but rather for the stream of filth spewed forth by Regis throughout the episode.If the beloved Oscars bumbler was just trying to emulate the Hell's Kitchen star, we think a British accent might have helped the illusion along. Instead, it just seems like a spectacular uncorking of decades of bottled rage. Years pressed beneath Gelman's thumb, having to remember all those dumb celebrity names while listening to your shrill co-hosts yammer on at length about their upcoming children and Christmas albums—it's all enough to drive any mild-mannered TV fixture to lose it. Live! [Regis and Kelly]

Neocon Times columnist Bill Kristol was of course acting smug and cute last night on the Daily Show, since that's basically his gig: Smarmy right-wing fish in left wing ponds. But he just didn't seem to have it in him to truly bait the other side. He declared John McCain would triumph on Tuesday but, wait, ha ha, it's just a joke of the make-a-Daily Show-audience-heckle-me variety, and Kristol admitted as much (and did succeed in getting booed).

Kleiner Perkins venture capitalist John Doerr is the guy everyone vaguely remembers as being important a decade ago but can't recall anything he's funded recently besides Friendster. Even so, he's full of advice for entrepreneurs — so full of advice that his 10 tips for startups spilled over to 11. The 11th tip: "Overcommunicate with everyone -– employees, investors, partners and particularly customers. Don’t sugar coat things, communicate your resolve." Where have we heard that before?It just confirms the notion that Doerr hasn't been paying attention. Anyone who's been reading Robert Scoble's blog knows about the virtues of oversharing. It makes for great entertainment. But if there's any correlation between checking FriendFeed every 15 seconds and business success, it's lost to us. Next time, John, just mention your daughter and cry a lot. It worked wonders at TED last year.

Assuming Barack Obama pulls this thing off next week, we imagine we're due for a deluge of media gushing over our First Black President. No, seriously, it'll make the last two years look like a dress rehearsal. And it will all lead to a glorious crescendo of treacly nonsense by January, when Obama, secret socialist muslim god willing, is sworn in. So. That really makes it all the more ridiculous that Time editor Richard Stengel has taken to the YouTubes to ask "you" who should be named the Time Person of the Year. Every sitting President has received the dubious honor, with Bush II, Reagan, Carter, Clinton, and others all getting it the years of their elections. And they were all old white guys. So go ahead and email "NOBAMA" to Stengel and see how far it gets you if Barack wins Colorado and Nevada next week. A scant two years after naming YOU Person of the Year, Time is now just jerking YOUR chain.

So not only did Barack Obama avoid making a terrible GAFFE on the Daily Show, he was actually much more engaged and funny than a written summary of his comments by elitist pool reporters would lead you to believe. The Democratic presidential nominee's 6-pointish lead didn't leave Obama cocky, but did relax him enough to joke about being a Kindergarten socialist, libtard propagandist and half-redneck Frankenbitter who won't be able to cast an Obama-Biden vote without imploding. His guest-editing stint on Wonkette starts Thanksgiving Eve, drunkenly. (Click the video icon for excerpts.)

Click to viewWhy is Kevin Rose on a publicity binge? In the past two months, the founder of headline-voting site Digg has garnered two magazine covers. There he is, with a smoldering leer on local San Francisco magazine 7x7. The look reminds everyone why Diggnation cohost Alex Albrecht once said that Rose, a prolific dater, has "plowed through everyone in town." For Inc., Rose participated in a wacky crowd shoot which echoed the Beatles' "A Hard Day's Night." It's obvious why Rose is a hot commodity: Write about him, and traffic to your magazine's website will soar. (Will he sell print copies? I doubt Digg users visit newsstands.)It's obvious what's in it for the magazines which write about them. Rose makes a compelling story, even if Inc. had to resort to ridiculous hyperbole:

It's hard to tell if magical things just happen to Tina Fey, or if the magic is in the comedy writer/producer's telling. The movie Psycho transforms her three-year-old daughter into a miniature murder detective; she has a life-changing hug with Oprah Winfrey; the Republicans nominate a vice presidential nominee who looks almost exactly like her. And then there was the anecdote the 30 Rock star shared with Late Night host Conan O'Brien last night, in which Sarah Palin offers up daughter Bristol to babysit Fey's daughter on the set of Saturday Night Live. The incident would be a stretch even as the premise of an SNL skit, but there you have it. Click the video icon to watch.

Barack Obama is a stimulating speaker. The Daily Show is of course an entertaining and provocative show. Barack Obama on the Daily Show less than a week before the election? Stomach-knotting, sweat-inducing and nerve-wracking. It will be hard for supporters to laugh during Obama's confirmed appearance on the news-comedy show Wednesday if they spend the whole time cringing at the thought of the Democratic presidential nominee making some sort of gaffe that would blow his commanding lead over rival John McCain. Opponents, meanwhile, will be far more ready to laugh at Obama than with him. (Video from Obama's Aug. 2007 appearance is after the jump)

Oracle CEO Larry Ellison doesn't really live in his multimillion-dollar house in San Francisco; he mostly keeps it around for parties, like the rager of a dinner party PR schemestress Brooke Hammerling threw for the 10th anniversary of NetSuite, an online-software company which Ellison has backed since it was a startup. Kara Swisher did one of her let-the-CEO-yammer interviews with NetSuite's Zach Nelson. Videographer Richard Blakeley cut her clip down to just the real-estate porn. It works a lot better with the intro theme from MTV Cribs, doesn't it?

Former NBC news correspondent and possible "Next Katie" Campbell Brown somehow ended up a serious anchor on CNN, and... she's quite good? Brown (married to GOP strategist Dan Senor, because lol DC media) has become a convert to the popular new "hey, we are allowed to call bullshit" school of television reporting, which is quite heartening and will probably last until the Republicans reorganize and mount another offensive against the media. Anyway! She was on The Daily Show. They talked about Tucker Bounds, the poor McCain surrogate abused by Campbell, starting a national trend. She's had a good election!

Months ago, Michelle Obama was considered a scary liability. She was an aggrieved angry Black Woman, and America, oddly, is terrified of black women. The original code was "sarcastic." It meant castrating. Threatening! (Well, actually it just meant "sarcastic," but the people who parse these sorts of things read into it all their own weird baggage.) And here she is, a couple months later, our probable next First Lady, on Jay Leno, talking about her all-J. Crew outfit in a subtle (but not sarcastic!) dig at Ms. Genuine Real American herself, Sarah Palin. How did she manage the image reversal? Just kinda by being a slightly nicer version of herself! We all remember in February, when Michelle Obama accidentally revealed that she wasn't very proud of America. This led Mickey Kaus to lead the Charge of the Idiotic Racially Charged Language Brigade, declaring that Michelle's "default position is set to 'Aggrieved'" and further claiming, once again, that she belittled and castrated her weak husband by occasionally joking about him snoring. (Seriously, these people are insane.) But the "proud" remark cemented an early reputation for being a liability to the campaign, and led to Michelle facing some of the weirdest and most damning whisper campaigns of the election. She is on tape ranting about "whitey." She called up an imaginary African news agency to deliver an utterly insane rant about her many racist enemies. And, you know, she eats Iranian caviar. But gradually, the media discovered that voters liked Michelle Obama. Well-meant concerns about how threatening and scary she was were unfounded—she was comfortable on The View, on Ellen, even on The Daily Show. And while she's being careful with her words on these shows, barely talking politics at all, and acting, for lack of a better word, safe, there's not really any evidence that she's ever been a dangerous aggressive fire-breathing radical. (Angela Davis and Sistah Souljah are apparently the only Black Women most pundits know.) And so, like the "Obama is a Socialist Radical 1960s Terrorist" smear fails because it just doesn't square with the reality of his demeanor, words, and actions, the "Michelle Obama is an Angry Black Woman" story doesn't really line up with her good-natured demeanor, obvious loving relationship with her husband, and devotion to her amazingly adorable kids. Now, Michelle Obama is safe enough to pal around with Leno, the blandest man on TV, and safe enough to address swing states. Progress! New to Campaigning, but No Longer a Novice [NYT] Related Reading: Who Are Black People, And Why Are They So Angry? Terror At Michelle Obama Doing "God Knows What" In the White House

There are certain guests Late Show host David Letterman just has to have on, by dint of popularity or importance, and you got the feeling he was getting the worst out of the way all at once last night. Letterman's lineup started with humor-challenged Fox News shouting head Bill O'Reilly before moving on to empty-vessel Hills star Lauren Conrad. There were plenty of painful moments. But then there were also delightful interludes in which Letterman couldn't help but slice into his guests. Click the video icon to watch the attached clip, in which Letterman basically calls Conrad an idiot before backing off in a fit of giggles and self deprecation.

An All Gays edition: · We were kind of hoping Alan Ball would throw us a bone by way of some hot all-man, V-juiced action, but instead we got Lafayette getting busy with Milton from Office Space. [True Blood] · Sam Jackson wants these motherfucking civil rights abusers off his motherfucking gay marriage legislation! · 90210 hunk Dustin Milligan wrote a very thoughful and sweet apology on his blog in reference to an internet sketch in which he called Elvis the "King of Homos." ("No one should be made to feel like they or their sexuality/lifestyle is synonymous with 'stupid,' and no one should be made to feel like they are less than anyone else because of who they love.") We also learned from his website bio that he hails from Yellowknife, Northwest Territories. 9021O Canada! · Here they are, boys: Cosmopolitan's 25 Sexiest Men list! We didn't make it again. · And finally: the new Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince trailer. Gay wizards galore!

Hooker personality Tiffany "New York" Pollard (now there's someone we have a feeling is already well acquainted with Dr. Manhattan's cobalt nether regions) has addressed the media recently about Jennifer Hudson—whose skyrocketing career she doesn't envy in the least—and her fiance, a former I Love New York contestant whom she had the gall to liken to a gold-digging Al Reynolds. Having learned with the rest of us of the horrifying Hudson family deaths in Chicago, however, Pollard was consumed by guilt over her tactless remarks, and instantly set about righting her wrongs by issuing her deepest condolences to Hudson in the best way she knew how: by recording a heartfelt video message outside LACMA's streetlamp installation. She then went back about her regular routine of making kissy sounds at passing luxury vehicles in the hopes that one of them might contain the producer who will put her in his hip-hop movie musical, Dreamgrillz. [YouTube]

We've heard of casual Fridays and we certainly treasure the last day of the work week as a time to let loose, but rarely have we seen both concepts mixed with such bizarre fervor as they were on this morning's Today show. After striking pay dirt with Marcia Brady's syphilis stories this month, producers dug up another, pre-TiVo relic: Jay Thomas. The actor (who played Carla's husband Eddie on Cheers) and his son John were on the show to discuss how the former gave the latter up for adoption twenty years ago. These days, though, John is the lead singer in a band, and in a bit of bald self-promotion, he stripped off his t-shirt and finished out the segment wearing a bra. As one does. Nice try, John, but you'll have to work a little harder to top the image of our potential next VP attempting to drown Elaine to win the daytime surreality sweepstakes.

Remember those Budweiser "Whasssssssssupppppppppppp!!!" ads, that made you want to crush and kill everyone in your path? Yes, well someone has put the idea to use for the sake of good. We won't ruin the clip for you. We'll just say that this is two minutes of poignant political genius, and if you don't like it then you might as well just go live in a world in which you drink Budweisers all day with John McCain as Sarah Palin shouts "Whassssuupppp!!" in your ear, forever and ever. You must check it out kids: