• Might John Huey poach Slate's Jacob Weisberg to run Time? Sure, maybe. Who knows? [Media Mob/NYO]
• Might John Huey poach Newsweek's Jon Meacham to run Time? Sure, maybe. Who knows? [MW]
• Stephen Colbert does not amuse Bush at White House Correspondents' Dinner. [E&P]
• Anderson Cooper's 60 Minutes segments will be shown on CNN, too. See, boys, there's Coop enough for all of us. [Philadelphia Inquirer]
• Rosie's View contract says she can't cut her hair. As will Keri Russell's next contract anywhere, if she ever works again. [Fox411]

What to make fun of: That CNN is teasing a segment on farting horses? Or that the "Only on CNN" item is not, in fact, on CNN?

Profanity, Live on CNN? [Philadelphia Will Do]

April 21 is the Queen's official birthday (our mom's, too — happy birthday, mom and Liz), and today the British press is pulling out all the stops for coverage of her 80th. The American press isn't ignoring it, either, especially not John Roberts, the CNN national correspondent who was once considered the likely heir to Dan Rather's throne. Here's how he introduced the story while anchoring American Morning today:

And yet somehow "High Scorer Wins 'Jeopardy!'" isn't considered a top story?

Because, really, we haven't been learning nearly enough about it already.

On the one hand, we're a little amazed by this headline. On the other had, we're intrigued. What would a day be like without Mexicans?

Oh we can try it for free the first time, can we? Sorry, CNN, but we're not falling for that. We totally saw this after-school special.

We spent our Sunday recuperating from a hangover, ordering in some bacon and eggs, and catching up on TiVo'd TV. A reader meantime, spent three hours on a JetBlue plane next to Anderson Cooper. Cathy, to whom the above boarding pass is inscribed, is our current hero. (Our beloved Anderson, on the other hand, needs a course in penmanship.)

And finally the Democrats are in a stronger position than the Republicans — Ted Kennedy, after all, simply cannot be killed.

We neglected to mention this morning a blind item in Ben Widdicombe's Gatecrasher column:

We like the idea of the planet occasionally swallowing a gas-guzzling, ozone-depleting SUV. But doesn't it defeat the whole purpose if mass transit is knocked out as part of the deal?

First we learned people eat while sleeping. Then we learned people fuck while sleeping. Now we learn people can apparently carry out changes in their legal status in their sleep. And we're forced to wonder: Why did we even bother getting up this morning?

• The art you've always wanted: A sculpture of Britney Spears giving birth. On a bearskin rug. And "the crowning of baby Sean's head." Where would you find such a thing? In Williamsburg, of course. [Send2Press]
• This week's Times correction of the week: "An article in The Metro Section on March 8 profiled Donna Fenton, identifying her as a 37-year-old victim of Hurricane Katrina who had fled Biloxi, Miss., and who was frustrated in efforts to get federal aid as she and her children remained as emergency residents of a hotel in Queens. Yesterday, the New York police arrested Ms. Fenton, charging her with several counts of welfare fraud and grand larceny. Prosecutors in Brooklyn say she was not a Katrina victim, never lived in Biloxi and had improperly received thousands of dollars in government aid." People are so nit-picky these days. [NYT]
• AC 360 finds a new scourge to campaign against: The evil practice of puppy smuggling. [CNN]
• There are dates that end well and dates that end less well. And then there are dates the end in night court. Even worse, without Judge Harry T. Stone. Yikes. [CourtTV]
• Is this for real? Who knows. But it would seem that Mobile, Ala., residents found themselves a leprechaun on St. Patrick's Day, according to the local NBC affiliate. [YouTube]

And, sadly, his videos are just as disappointing.

OK, so it's a clip from a while ago, back when CNN's American Morning was still in the Time & Life Building. (The new Sportsnet New York is in their old studio now.) And it's a clip of them replaying an even older clip, from when A-Coop was one of American Morning's anchors. And it's a clip of a clip that isn't even that new to YouTube, having been posted, we see, back in January. But it was just brought to our attention last night, and, dammit, we're sure as hell not going to keep shots of our beloved Anderson — shirtless, "white as a newt," and dancing around to ensure they spray-on tan gets everywhere — from you just because they're not new. Again, that's Anderson shirtless and dancing around. You're welcome.

Well, except for that first show she did, which helped create the idea of the Seinfeld curse. But if we forget that? Sure.

Crazy With a Z [fourfour]
Earlier: It's a Gay Gay Gay Gay World: Liza With a Z at the Ziegfeld

Then the president traveled to Capitol Hill, where he kicked several Democratic legislators in the shins. Just because he could.

It is not pleasant to be idly flipping channels late at night and happen across Headline News, on which appears two seemingly identical Nancy Graces, both blondely staring back at you. Such wrath, you imagine; such anger, such concern for missing white women. Then you realize it could be worse: It could be MSNBC and two Rita Cosbys.