A metropolis of roaches living inside a cat food bag, noticed only when an accidental kick to the bag sent them flooding out. Fearless cockroaches charging toward you in your own bedroom. Bugs in the pillowcase, bugs in the coffee pot, bugs in your ear. Bugs during sex. Stop reading if you want to sleep soundly tonight. These are Gawker reader’s most skin-crawling cockroach encounters.

It’s getting warmer out, which means that America’s Most Expensive Garbage Islands are about to become America’s Most Expensive Visibly Rotting Garbage Islands (Because They’re Covered in Disgusting Cockroaches). Are you ready, New York City?

Hey, what are you afraid of? If it's cockroaches, carry on with your life and don't come back here. This isn't the place for you. SCRAM.

After a year-long war to get Subway to acknowledge the cockroach he found in his sandwich, Patrick Balfour has started buying ads on Twitter to get the restaurant chain's attention.

Early Wednesday morning, Hendrik Helmer woke with a terrible pain in his right ear. Helmer tried to suck out whatever was causing the ache with a vaccum cleaner. That only made the pain worse.

First it was the giant hornets in China, now it's winter-proof super cockroaches in New York City.

Good morning. Have you eaten yet? Good. Let's talk cockroach farming.

Welcome to my new favorite/least favorite Tumblr, Roach Party: "I'm currently keeping four different roach colonies. Lobsters, Dubias, Hissers, and Turkistans. I do plan on obtaining some other species in the future." Here we have "a hisser giving birth!" Yo, nature is gross. [Roach Party]

A team of scientists have discovered the horrible monster bug from all New Yorkers' nightmares. The "leaproach" is a cockroach capable of sailing short distances through the air and landing, possibly, on your face:

With much excitement, this woman opens her Valentine's Day gift. Watch her get an unexpected surprise from a mob of critters when all she wanted was a piece of chocolate.

If you've been wondering which Manhattan neighborhood has the most/least roaches, mice, and rats—and who hasn't, really?—you're in luck. Thanks to the NYC Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, all that data can now be viewed online. [Brick Underground]

It's time for another Gawker Book Club meeting: Ann Louise Bardach will be discussing her new book Without Fidel: A Death Foretold. Our topic today at 4pm: how Perez Hilton caused havoc in Miami by falsely reporting Fidel's death.

It's an open secret that Perez Hilton can't be bothered to blog all day long anymore. But for some reason he's never copped to using ghost writers. Until now.

Infamous gossip monger/dirtbag Perez Hilton has maybe had the worst week of his life. And it's beginning to show: Perez is blogging scared. Is this the end for him?

Today one of the biggest stars in the history of the world died. How did the internet's self-proclaimed "Queen of all Media" respond? By accusing Michael Jackson of faking the whole thing.

Barack Obama's Hawaiian retinue is getting showered with gifts from the locals as he enjoys his last pre-White House vacation on Oahu. Even the press corps is getting goodies — more than they expected!

Being a limp-wristed, knee-jerk environmentalist liberal, you probably thought that Whole Foods' plan to phase out plastic bags in its stores was a good thing. Sure it is—if you love cockroaches. That's the sober warning in an editorial in the New York Post today, penned by Jeff Stier of the conservative "science" group ACSH, which is funded by Dow Chemical, Chevron, and a slew of other corporations. See, cockroaches "prefer paper (bags) to plastic," which logically means that Whole Foods is virtually holding your door open and setting up a nice buffet for the bugs! And it gets worse: they're also trying to give you asthma.