columnists

A Dog Discusses Fashion

Max Read · 07/08/14 09:44AM

Do dogs wear shades? A dog, Gawker's award-winning dog columnist, addresses the important question of dog fashion in today's column: "Sorry Tony—dogs don't wear shades."

Read a Dog's Best Friend Song

Max Read · 06/18/14 01:40PM

A dog, Gawker's most powerful columnist, sings this week a haunting song of friendship, love, life and loyalty: "I love friends, I have friends, who's my best friend? Sissko kid! A friend of mine, he likes salted peanuts, eating them all, out the can."

A Dog Meets a Rabbit

Max Read · 06/12/14 01:41PM

A dog, Gawker's most popular columnist, returns this week with an exploration of the face-to-face relationship, and a being's ethical responsibility to the infinite other: "There's a rabbit who lives in a plywood box two yards down. Not a smart guy. I can't vouch for his personality."

A Dog Must Know the Time

Lacey Donohue · 05/28/14 03:31PM

Humans often measure a dog's time in "dog years." But how does a dog, Gawker's oldest and youngest employee, measure the time? "It's just that I don't have a watch, you see. Nor do I have a clock, a cell phone, or a sundial," a dog admits. "I have the time in my mind. I got time on my mind. But I don't have the time."

Listen While a Dog Tells a Story

Lacey Donohue · 05/22/14 11:12AM

A dog, Gawker's bravest essayist, returns this week with a never-before-told tale of struggle. "There was a time, not long ago, when I came to face an obstacle in my life," he shares. "Not an obstacle like when you walk on one side of a small tree only to find that the leash on your neck is connected to a hand on the other side of the small tree, thereby making forward progress impossible; an obstacle more like 'something scary.'"

Help a Dog Find Its Jam

Max Read · 05/07/14 10:14AM

A dog, Gawker's chief dog correspondent, writes today about the soothing sounds of music. "My jam," a dog writes, "is the one where they snap the fingers, and the man is singing 'Shoo boop, de booop shoooooooooo, ahhhhhhh, wop wop wop.' Do you know that one?" Well? Do you?

Frank Bruni Is Pure Garbage

Hamilton Nolan · 05/05/14 10:35AM

Frank Bruni, a bad newspaper columnist who is nevertheless employed as a columnist by America's most prominent newspaper, is obligated to write two columns per week. He has approximately zero good ideas per week. This is what causes things like Sunday's column to happen.

A Dog Writes a New Column for Gawker: "Bananas"

Max Read · 04/08/14 11:41AM

Gawker is pleased to present a new column from a dog, Gawker's most prolific columnist. In today's dispatch, a dog considers the banana and the Froot Loop: "No dog should eat those. There's no peanut butter inside."

"Hey": A New Column from a Dog

Max Read · 03/25/14 03:41PM

We're extremely pleased to announce the hiring of a new Gawker columnist, a dog, who will maintain a blog at dog.gawkerarchives.com. Please enjoy a dog's first column, "Hey."

Hamilton Nolan · 03/05/14 09:28AM

"Frozen In a Niche?" is the headline of today's Maureen Dowd column, as well as the headline of Maureen Dowd's career.