Why did Jay-Z and Beyoncé name their kid "Blue Ivy"? What was the deal with Madonna's Super Bowl halftime show? Why did Whitney Houston die? Some people might say that "famous people are weird and sad" is the answer to all three questions. But no, the answer is: The Illuminati. Who? Allow us to explain.
Last September, York University student Sarah Grunfeld accused her Jewish professor of anti-Semitism after failing to grasp that he was expressing an outrageous opinion to illustrate a point, rather than as a true statement of his beliefs. Sarah, who was roundly mocked for this, believes she is the real victim in this case.
When it comes to paranoia, certain environments are more fertile than others. Yale University, gothic bastion of secret societies and birthplace of the C.I.A., is among America's most fertile.
Kim Jong-il died on a train Saturday morning… or did he? The Kim Jong-il conspiracy theories are starting to flow. There's nothing so far about Kim getting plastic surgery and joining a Ukrainian pro hockey team, but give it time.
Now that Dominique Strauss-Kahn is back in France and safe from criminal prosecution for rape, his Sofitel maid encounter has entered its "Grassy Knoll" phase in the public imagination: Complicated conspiracy theories abound, even as most accept a much simpler explanation of events. (DSK either forced himself on Nafissatou Diallo or willfully misunderstood a frozen stare of horror as an "unabashed" come-on, is the general consensus, right?)
Do you ever get the feeling that yoga apparel/lifestyle store Lululemon is a little... creepy?
Here we see a man named Richard Lee (not Rick, but Richard) raising a ruckus at a recent Seattle University event starring financial analyst/sports writer/columnist/former Guns n' Roses bass player/current Velvet Revolver+Loaded member/memoirist Duff McKagan. The Seattle Post-Intelligencer tells us that Lee is a local personality of sorts who espouses the theory that Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain did not commit suicide but was murdered by, like, everyone he knew. One of his pastimes is to ambush Courtney Love, Crisco Twister master/Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic, and other famous people who were close to Cobain and inspire them to seek restraining orders against him.
MediaTakeout gives birth to a surprisingly catchy conspiracy theory: "The word behind the scenes at the VMAs was that Beyonce was wearing a PROSTHETIC BELLY." She's only eight weeks pregnant, MediaTakeout says, but remember that they also said Beyonce was several weeks pregnant in March 2010. Maybe fetuses age in reverse dog years?
Did you hear that Obama wants to spy on all the doctors to ensure that they're utilizing proper Kenyan medical techniques? No? You must be getting your news from the liberal media establishment, then!
After searching for two months, Australia's Department of Defense claims to have "lost" all but one of its files concerning UFO sightings, which were requested by a newspaper through the country's Freedom of Information laws. This leads us to two, equally plausible theories:
Last weekend, a woman named Samantha went hiking with her friends near Spokane, Washington and documented the trek with her iPhone. After returning home and reviewing footage of the hike, however, Samantha was stunned to see an uninvited—yet strangely familiar—figure moving ahead of her group. Could it be... Bigfoot? [via KOMO]
Oh, come on, you don't actually believe this nonsense that Osama Bin Laden was really killed in a firefight on Sunday… do you? The internet has found the truth behind the Osama Bin Laden death conspiracy. It's a ruse to distract from Obama's Kenyan origins!
