The cops who busted Lindsay Lohan mistook her drug stash for a crushed mint. Tinsley Mortimer faked a relationship. John McCain loves to gamble. Things get even dicier for The Office. Hump day's gossip is full of boobs.
• Tinsley Mortimer's upcoming reality show has finished shooting. So, naturally, her "relationship" with former American Idol contestant Constantine Maroulis has come to an end, too. She's reportedly on the hunt for a new boyfriend, though, so if you know someone who'd a good match for the fame-obsessed socialite, do get in touch. [P6]
• Is it possible that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie planted those breakup rumors because it's Oscar season, they haven't been nominated for anything, and they wanted to make sure they remained in the spotlight? Anything's possible, right? [E!, NYDN]
• Padma Lakshmi is due to give birth next month, but she's still isn't revealing who the baby daddy is. Could it be on-again, off-again boyfriend and billionaire financier Teddy Forstmann? Or on-again, off-again boyfriend and venture capitalist Adam Dell, the younger brother of computer mogul Michael Dell? The mystery continues! [P6]
• Here's a sign of the apocalypse: Will Smith is thinking about running for president. (Yes, President of the United States.) [Popeater]
Not that this should come as news, but socialite Tinsley Mortimer isn't really dating Constantine Maroulis, the long-haired sixth-place finalist on the fourth season of American Idol. It's a "showmance," which means Maroulis signed a contract with the CW to play the role of the Tinz's love interest on Empire State, her upcoming reality show.
• Tiger Woods hasn't spoken to the cops or the media since he crashed his SUV into a tree outside his Florida home on Friday morning, although he did release a statement on his website yesterday. Did the crash take place as Tiger was running away from his enraged wife? Did Tiger really have an affair with club promoter (and 9/11 widow) Rachel Uchitel? That's all up in the air at the moment, although Uchitel has already hired spotlight-loving lawyer Gloria Allred to represent her, so you can expect this story to play on for weeks to come. [NYP, TMZ, TMZ]
• The fame-seeking classy couple who crashed the state dinner last week, Michaele and Tareq Salahi, are looking for a six-figure fee to tell their story, according to TV producers. A spokesman for the couple says that's totally false. Decide for yourself who you'd like to believe. [NYT, NYP, NYDN]
• Did Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal break up? A "close friend" of the actress says yes, but the couple is denying it. [People]
• Tinsley Mortimer may have a German prince for a boyfriend and she may be traipsing around town with Constantine Maroulis, but she's still got her ex-husband, Topper, wrapped around her finger. They reportedly talk three times a day and he's offered to appear on her reality show to help boost buzz. They may even get back together "for ratings," according to a source. [P6]
Josh Hartnett walking around the West Village ... Rihanna heading into Da Silvano in a super-sheer top ... Jake Gyllenhaal talking to Constantine Maroulis at the U.S. Open ... Mickey Rourke walking near Bryant Park with an unidentified female ... Brooke Shields walking her dog in SoHo ... Shia LaBeouf and Carey Mulligan riding a motorcycle for Wall Street 2 ... Becki Newton hailing a cab on Fifth Avenue ... Hugh Jackman hanging out with his kids downtown ... Rachel Bilson getting in an SUV outside her hotel ... Matthew Broderick walking son James to school ... Jude Law arriving at the Broadhurst Theatre ... Matt Damon shooting scenes for his new movie ... LaToya Jackson waving to photographers outside her hotel ... Kate Gosselin leaving her hotel ... and Madonna leaving dinner with Jesus Luz, and later attending a performance of "The Steady Rain" starring Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig.
Director Baz Luhrmann turns 47 today. Gossip Girl's Matthew Settle is turning 40. Joe Bastianich, the restaurateur and partner of Mario Batali, is 41. Russian supermodel Eugenia Volodina is 25. Supreme Court Justice David Souter turns 70. American Idol contestant-turned-Broadway star Constantine Maroulis is turning 34. One of the Miller sisters, Princess Marie-Chantal, is 41. Rapper Doug E. Fresh is turning 43. Lakers head coach Phil Jackson is 64. Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley turns 76. And Paula Jones is 43, although she probably shouldn't expect a birthday card from Bill Clinton.
Brad and Angelina enjoy pool sex, Lady Gaga is a confirmed hermaphrodite, Constantine Maroulis gets beat up over Paula Abdul at Ciprianis, Patrick Swayze is recovering nicely, Britney looks good in a white bikini and Paris and Douglas Reinhardt reunite.
• Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore suffered a big scare when the plane they were on was forced to make an emergency landing in Las Vegas shortly after take-off. Fortunately, neither actor was injured and they could return to tweeting within minutes of the incident. [People]
• Leonardo DiCaprio appears to be moving on now that he's no longer with Bar Refaeli: He was seen with SI model Anne Vyalitsyna in Ibiza. [P6]
• Bethenny Frankel was seen in the bathroom of a restaurant with a pregnancy test, so it appears she's looking to reproduce. You've been warned. [P6]
Restaurateur Joe Bastianich turns 40 today. We're guessing lots of food (and wine) is in store this evening. Also celebrating: Director Baz Luhrmann is 46. Russian supermodel Eugenia Volodina is 24. Rapper Doug E. Fresh is 42. Supreme Court Justice David Souter is 69. LA Lakers head coach Phil Jackson is 63. Former American Idol contestant Constantine Maroulis is turning 33. And one of Bill Clinton's least favorite people in the world, Paula Jones, is 42.
"Put a professional football player, three actors, a reality star and a pop star in a room together, and what do you get?" asks the Post. Answer: something so intensely sad and degrading that it makes us want to move to an isolated cabin far away from this deranged city of has-beens right now. Apparently someone named Jay Galvin, who is paid by clubs to drag in D-listers and is "famous for his vodka and cranberries," has assembled a wannabe 'Entourage'-style posse that is so pathetic that its Vince is purported popstar Ryan Cabrera! Everyone else, including American Idol castoff turned soap star Constantine Maroulis, football player Michael Strahan, Stiffler from American Pie, and the Vote for Pedro guy from Napoleon Dynamite, is sort of Turtle. Once they partied so hard that Ryan threw up inside of his mouth!
