Tonight on The Daily Show, Jon Stewart opened with two different segments related to topics currently in the news—the controversy over General Stanley McChrystal's Rolling Stone profile, and the one over President Obama's frequent golf outings. Videos inside.

"He should be embarrassed to be rolling around," said ABC's announcer moments after the Ivory Coast's Keita faked a blow to the face in the most overdramatic, ridiculous way possible, forcing an unjust red card for Brazil's Kaka. Video inside.

Perez Hilton talked with Joy Behar tonight regarding the ~alleged~ fact that he's a creepy pervert who posted an upskirt photo of 17-year-old Miley Cyrus. Hilton's statements were so ridiculous that they must be seen to be believed. Videos inside.

Michael Lohan, a person talented and accomplished enough to have had a daughter who was famous for a while five years ago, is opening up a nightclub in the Hamptons called, pathetically, Controversy. Don't worry! They'll screen for drugs there.

Tonight, Jon Stewart congratulated Rush Limbaugh for his weekend wedding (the one we flew a plane over) before he switched gears and made some biting comments to Helen Thomas for the anti-Semitic remarks that forced her into retirement. Videos inside.

In case you haven't heard, the debate over health care reform has reached its boiling point. Luckily for us, we have Jon Stewart and The Daily Show to summarize the most ridiculous rhetoric that's being spewed by Republican lawmakers. Huzzah!

South Park premiered its 14th season tonight and opened with a graphic reenactment of the confrontation between Tiger Woods and his wife, Elin, last Thanksgiving that started it all. Oh, yeah: turns out the reenactment was a video game!

CNN reported today that MTV has decided to ban the airing of the music video for Lady Gaga and Beyoncé's "Telephone" on its network. The most shocking thing about this is that MTV still believes its decision matters. Video inside.

Tonight, Elinor Burkett—aka any combination of "Crazy," "Purple," "Kanye" and "Lady"—appeared on Joy Behar's show to set the record straight about her Oscar speech ambush of Music By Prudence co-producer Roger Ross Williams. Inside, Burkett's best moments.

It was a bumpy night for Olympic men's short track speed skating, as competitors went down in both the quarterfinal and semifinal. History repeated itself moments ago in the final race, and Apolo Ohno—who had won silver—was disqualified.

Russia's Ice Dancing pair took to the Olympic ice tonight with toned down versions of the Aboriginal costumes that drew criticism at last month's European Championship. The skin-darkening makeup? Gone. Their dance was still offensive, though—and it sucked.

A survey in London, for the anniversary of a charity, asked whether the victims should take any of the blame in some circumstances. Almost three quarters of women (71 per cent) and half of men (57 per cent) agreed. [BBC]

Family Guy is known for "going there" with controversial issues, but tonight's episode—in which a character with Down's syndrome said her mother is "the former governor of Alaska"—WENT THERE, and Sarah Palin will not be happy.

Conan O'Brien took to the airwaves tonight on the day he announced he'll leave NBC if he has to follow Jay Leno with another NBC/Leno-bashing broadcast. David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson joined in, while Leno stayed mostly quiet.

Just moments ago on The Tonight Show, Conan O'Brien addressed the reports that NBC is giving the 11:35 PM time slot back to Jay Leno for the first time since the news broke—and he didn't hold back. Video inside.

On Sunday, we told you that MTV had decided not to air the footage of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi being punched in the face on tonight's episode of Jersey Shore, and speculated as to its motives. Here's what MTV did show.

MTV drummed up publicity for Jersey Shore by promising controversial footage of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi being punched. Now that it has everyone's attention, MTV is backing out, pulling the footage and trying to erase it from the Internet. Good luck!

The Muslim Brotherhood In Egypt is a political organization that once included Sayyid Qutb, the man who inspired Al-Qaeda. It was founded to promote Islamic law, oppress women etc. And now it wants to keep Beyonce out of Egypt!

Americans are, sadly, a dream deferred. We pretend that we're the next generation of human social evolution, but, really, we're not. That's why we're arguing and griping over a movie about evolution.

A new documentary called Art & Copy —opening this week—showcases the origins of America's most famous ad slogans. It's from the "Drama, Power, Persuasion" school of advertising industry portrayal. In Australia, there's an example of the other school: