"Can you explain why you won't stop and talk?" "I'm eating a cookie!" It's got something to do with Alberta health services, but this man's voice is priceless.

A tipster writes: "Where the big Cookie logo used to be (now scraped off) at the 8th floor elevator landing here at 4 Times Sq. is now just a post-it that says 'BRIDES'." Majestic close-up photo below!

The results of the Conde Nast Magazine Death Pool are in, stunningly early: the company announced this morning that it's folding Gourmet, Cookie, and two bridal magazines, Elegant Bride and Modern Bride.

In the past 24 hours, more than 8,000 of you voted on which Conde Nast magazine most deserves to live. You care, you really care! Your full results—and what they mean—below:

The website for Cookie, the Conde Nast mag for "mom style, kid culture," is currently touting a sex advice column from one "Mrs. Young," who suggests that blow-job adverse moms learn to "savor the favor." It's just opposite a plug for an article on finding "the perfect organic crib linens to brighten up your nursery."

Cookie, Conde Nast's magazine for the hip, contemporary, with-it, sassy, stylish, modern mom, announced yesterday the launch of "MomtheVote," their oddly capitalized "nonpartisan political initiative" to engage moms in the political process.

Another fallen soldier: we hear Meredith has aborted baby book Child magazine. Damn you, Cookie, you won't be happy until you have the entire market to yourself, will you? Learn to share! From the inside: "They're keeping 6 people on staff to put out final issue. Everyone else has been asked to leave by tomorrow. Nice guys at Meredith."

• The Onion, it turns out, has been nursing a master plan for domination for untold years. Either that or it's April 1 on Sunday. But we're pretty sure they're serious. Also, The Onion News Network is all about the communist-daycare style YouTube clip-sharing. Why? Because they are not idiots. [Variety]
  

• Conrad Black trial driving Canadian reporters crazy. [Toronto Star]
  

After their unexpected blockbuster of six nominations in last year's National Magazine Awards, the little magazine that could, the Virginia Quarterly Review, must bravely chin-up to accept their return to their 2005 level of nominations: a mere two. (They're up against the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists in their circ category! We can't wait to see that tension at the awards dinner!) At least they beat out that monster-piece rag of the baby-loving set, Cookie, who were nominated just once. If Cookie wins, we're holding the magazine folks of this town hostage, and none of us might survive.

• Gwen Stefani is one cold bitch. [TMZ]

Cookie, Conde's newish mommy mag, brings word of a new cell-phone alert service. Much like Dodgeball, the New York-based program that texts you every time Andrew Krucoff takes a crap, Family Watchdog also alerts you to the comings and goings of a certain class of people; in this case, sex offenders.

• In yet another installment of a series of just unbelievable coincidences, Anna Politkovskaya, a Russian journalist critical of President Vladimir Putin, was gunned down this weekend. Politkovskaya becomes the thirteenth reporter to so perish during Putin's tenure. But we're sure it was an accidental, brutal execution-style contract killing. [Guardian]
• Just what we need: A hip-hop Cookie! [WWD]
• How sick, depraved, and out-of-control was Mark Foley? He tried to fuck a Post reporter. [NYP]

Well into the second trimester after things got underway, Conde Nast launches the web version of Cookie, its magazine devoted to the care, feeding, and fashion of human larvae. Web editor and good soldier Peter Feld has midwifed a cobbling-together of repurposed magazine content with a couple blogs — one about maternal issues, another chronicling the precious antics of a three-year-old. Forged via the increasingly efficient assembly line at CondeNet, the Cookie site promises more of the same, plus the eventual pro-forma addition of Flash, podcasting, video, and lactation porn. One can dream. The mommy blog spits up a few amusing newsbits regarding comedic child endangerment, with only a little shuddering; the toddler blog is just as good as you'd expect. Beyond that, the CondeNet formula appears to be nicely nailed down, with the magazine staff actually determining what goes online from each issue, and the web staff dutifully carrying water as ordered. Not quite as specious as the old-world subscription-hawking mag sites, but barely.

Conde Nast, having finally realized that, no, the web is not going to disappear, is beefing up its web presence. Blake Eskin, a former New Yorker fact-checker and the founder of Nextbook, has returned to the mag to work with web manager Matt Dellinger, who you may also know as the Vince Lombardi of media softball. Meanwhile, our beloved Andrew Hearst of Panopticist will be devoting his talents to Vanity Fair, where we assume he'll spend considerably less time creating cover mock-ups, instead working on making James Wolcott's blog look pretty.

• Jann Wenner finds himself a new RS publisher, to replace the one he forced out in February. He'll drive away this one soon enough, too, no doubt. [NYP]
• CBS Radio, which fired Opie and Anthony from WNEW a few years ago, hires them for Stern's old slot on WXRK — booting David Lee Roth. [USAT]
• Cookie or Playboy? You make the call. [Media Mob/NYO]
• Those male socialites the Times discovered on Sunday? Yeah, one of them shtupps (or, at least, used to shtupp) the guy who wrote the story. [WWD]

With the usual disclaimers that we have no idea whether this actually true or not, we present an email that recently arrived in our inbox. It's Si Newhouse's take on the forthcoming premiere issue of Cookie, the who-knew-we-needed-such-a-thing shopping-for-babies mag headed soon to a newsstand near you. All we can say is that the source is impeccable, the chain of custody intact, and the plausibility factor high: