Okay, here is the ABSOLUTELY TRUE setup to the jokes which you are about to hear: Chester M. "Chet Haze" Hanks is the Northwestern University-educated son of multimillionaire Oscar-winning Hollywood superstar Tom Hanks. The very definition of a self-made man, in other words. And he's a rapper. Haha. But wait, scratch that—now he's an R&B singer. Haha. I know. Here's his new single. Haha. Stop it, wait, we're getting to the point here. So anyhow, Chet Haze is active on Twitter, for the fans. If you haven't been reading in the past few days, you've missed out, yo:

Meet Jamie Granato. Lately he's been spending his days in a trailer parked on the side of a road in Greenpoint, peeing into a bottle and dumping it onto the street. His day jobs include running a record label and selling Christmas trees. Animal New York reports,

Vice long ago morphed from a magazine about dirty hipster shit into a Corporation, which sells Cool. The fact that Vice is often referred to as "hip" is a dead giveaway of its clients lackluster levels of coolness.

File under: awesome and hilarious. Because she thinks funerals should be more about laughing than crying, a woman named Carla created a "live via satellite... from Heaven" video to be played at her funeral. Inside, Carla's message for her friends.

"All I remember was my sax player making a fire out of chop sticks and holding his horn over the flame to warm it up before we went on. Everyone was dressed up in moon gear." And fuck Frank Sinatra:

So many PR tactics are shrouded in secrecy: off-the-record briefings, front groups, "file sharing." And lots of things that PR firms get paid a lot of money to do—devise corny slogans, make pretty marketing materials that get ignored, or think up new and creative ways to say "no comment"—are really big wastes of money. There is only one real live PR tactic that consistently works. It is maddeningly effective at getting reporters to like flacks, and by extension, their awful clients. Even the ones who know better! It preys on human instinct. It's called lunch.