Paula Abdul's personal mantra is also her staff's. Adam Sandler is accused of dining and dashing. The cast of The Help likes to skinny dip. Angelina Jolie is "as kinky and insatiable as ever." TGIFriday gossip is titillating.

Here's some empty vindication: The Los Angeles Coroner's Office reports that '80s heartthrob Corey Haim, who died in March, died of pneumonia and coronary arteriosclerosis, not a drug overdose as previously thought. [Image via Getty]

Jesse James was flirting with girls electronically behind Sandra's back, of course. Mario Lopez is obsessed with his body. Paris Hilton and her BF broke up while Brody Jenner and Avril Lavigne got together. Monday's gossip has separation anxiety.

We learned last night—via press release—that the recently deceased actor Corey Haim has somehow communicated from beyond the grave that he "misses" D-list actress Hazel D'Jan. (Who, btw, needs to fire her publicist.)

If I told you there was a wonderful site that had a ridiculous amount of campy old videos from the 80s and 90s just begging for your perusal, you'd probably say "Well of course. That's YouTube. Where have you been?"

One is a Cambridge-educated starlet. The other is an "ink-stained hellcat" who kissed and told. Tabloid coincidence and famous actresses' husbands bring them together. Alec Baldwin gets in a homophobic/homoerotic war of words. Thursday gossip is full of surprises.

Mrs. Pratt's bikini top overfloweth and the paparazzi goes wild. What caused the Winslet-Mendes divorce? Ashley Dupre sets her hair on fire while posing naked. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt dares to wear pants. Wednesday gossip is full of risks.

MTV is having all their top moneymakers examined. Kate Gosselin hates the dancing stars in her galaxy. Corey Feldman is banned from Corey Haim's funeral. Martha Stewart can't get laid. Monday's gossip got up an hour late.

The actor died without much money to his name. So his hometown, report People Magazine today, will cover the costs of his burial. Startifacts.com, a celebrity memorabilia website, say they will also contribute $20,000 for a tombstone and other miscellaneous expenses.

We're just torturing starlets at this point, right? Heidi Montag gets a role in an Adam Sandler film. Corey Haim is tied to a "massive" drug ring. Padma debuts her miracle baby. Saturday gossip tickles and coos.

An "intuitive psychic" healer named Aiden is her new manager. James Brown's body goes missing from its crypt. Socialite shocked to discover racism, anti-semitism, homophobia make you unpopular. Corey Haim died of a too-big heart. Friday gossip is so alone.

As soon as the words came out of Gerard's mouth, he regretted them. Corey Feldman defends Corey Haim. Jessica Simpson misses Tony Romo's "cute butt." Pattinson used to get beat up all the time. Thursday's gossip roundup has no filter.

Today a sad thing happened, in Hollywood, in the world of celebrity, so we posted about it. And so did you! Lots and lots of comments — remembrances, odd little details, various other ephemera. Here are some samples.

In 1988, responding to bad press regarding substance abuse, Corey Haim made a nine-minute video to reassure the world that he was living clean. Unfortunately, the video shows that he's suffering under the influence of drugs and self-delusion. Highlights inside.

Corey Haim, the 80s teen movie idol who grew into a cautionary tale of the perils of childhood fame, has been found dead of an apparent drug overdose at the age of 38.

France's first lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, turns 42 today. Les Moonves, CBS's CEO, is turning 61. Badgley Mischka designer James Mischka is 49. Soap star Susan Lucci is 63. Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder is turning 45. Retired Army General (and onetime presidential aspirant) Wesley Clark turns 65 today. Conservative columnist Bill Kristol is 57. Author Donna Tartt is 46. NHL star Scott Gomez is turning 30. Model Estella Warren turns 31. '80s idol Corey Haim is 38. And Holly Madison, best known as the former girlfriend of Hugh Hefner and co-star of Girls Next Door, is downright ancient (by Playboy standards, at least) as she turns 30 today.

We'd say the new redband trailer for Crank 2 is NSFW, but let's face it: You're not at work today, and even if you were, it's Friday viewing the whole office can/should enjoy.

We've felt a special bond with Corey Haim ever since we played a gradeschool extra in his 1985 disease-of-the-week movie A Time to Live. (True story.) We've thrilled to his highs, bummed to his lows, puzzled at some of his more bizarre career decisions, and sat back helplessly as he read aloud the remarks—some supportive, some scathing—left by commenters on this very webspot. So it's with genuine elation that we pass along this breaking news from his website:

Click to viewBoomp3.com At the Fox Reality Awards, Corey Feldman took time out of his busy schedule to soothe the frayed nerves of everyone affected by the current state of the economy and the upcoming presidential election. Feldman said, “Don’t worry about anything. I got this. Sues and me are going to Washington right after this event and we’re going to solve everything. We saved the Haimster, so we could probably save the McCain campaign and Wall Street before our first coffee break.” [Photo Credit: Getty Images] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Click to viewBoomp3.com On a mission to pick up some suntanning swag, popular vampire slayer/reality TV star Corey Haim happily posed with some fans. Well, one happy fan to be specific. The littlest fan said that Haim has been dead to her ever since he did the completely unnecessary sequels to Fast Getaway and Dream A Little Dream. Haim attempted to explain his reasons for making the sequels, but the lil’ fan threw her lil’ hands over her ears. The elder Haim fan asked if the Haimster would pose for a photo, which he happily agreed to. The elder fan picked up the little one, but she did her best to hide her shame. [Photo Credit: Splash Pic] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.