Although scientists tell us that women are just as smart and capable as men, women still hold far fewer top corporate jobs than their ball-having counterparts. The reason? Probably something women are doing wrong. Allow us to help.

It is simply not possible to refrain from publishing constant new stories about the indignities of working at Target, America's most clean and attractive union-busting big box store. There are all too many current and former Target employees anxious to send us stories of exploitation and generally disgraceful workplace conditions!

Yesterday we told you about Jason Kellner, a former Target manager who says that he was more or less forced to work through his mandatory breaks—and then fired for doing so. This prompted quite a few current and former Target workers to write to us with their own stories of Target employment woe—as every story about Target is wont to do.

It's time to check in on the doin's at Target, the Union-Busting Big Box Store with the marginally more upscale reputation than the other Union-Busting Big Box Store. How is Target screwing employees today? By firing them, for working too much.

For people whose job it is to turn unsuspecting suckers into corporate-advertising zombies, there's no better sight than a bunch of fresh-faced 18 year-olds moving boxes into a dorm room, ready to take on the world. Yeah, take on the world's debt. Don't forget your college-branded credit card and whatnot, suckers young adults!

Do you frequently shop at undistinguished clothing store "[Just, no 'The'] Gap?" Haha, what is wrong with you? Bad news, friend: you should know that you are not participating in the current popular fashion trends!

For the past two years, fewer and fewer Americans have been shopping at Wal-Mart. Historians know this as the "National Wising Up" period. Alas, Wal-Mart is now luring us back in. What is wrong with us?

Check out this Wormrot video. You haven't seen hardcore until you've seen Wormrot, amirite? The most hardcore part of all: they are fully owned subsidiary of the Toyota corporation.

As we type, Wal-Mart is working hard to win approval for its very first Store Numero Uno in New York City. But according to a horrifying and hopefully untrustworthy new study, Wal-Mart would like to have 159 stores here. Gah.

Not only are advertising professionals constantly making embarrassing racist faux pas, to our delight; the entire ad industry has a long and dismal history of failing at the most rudimentary "diversity" initiatives. It's run by white guys, like everything else! So the industry is taking baby steps towards true racial integration. Step one: Give Ourselves Awards.

Just months ago, dying trinket warehouse Wal-Mart escaped the largest sex discrimination suit in history. I don't even know why I brought that up, because it has nothing to do with the massive Wal-Mart woman-payoff PR campaign announced today. Nothing!

Want to know what's wrong with kids these days? Good. I'll tell you. In my day, we had a concept known as "selling out." These days, there is new concept, called "selling out." Kids love it!

Historians tell us that the United States of America once boasted a fabled "middle" class of residents. They were not too poor; they were not too rich; they were just right. Crazy—but allegedly true.

What's the reason for the unabated plunge of Wal-Mart's sales for the past two years? We assumed it was because Wal-Mart sucks a big one. In fact, there may be a mathematical explanation!

As if lawyers didn't have enough to worry about, like the need to write angry comments on the internet when bloggers make fun of them: now companies don't even love law firms any more. God. Not companies!

Faux hippy Wal-Mart and parking lot realness headquarters Whole Foods is happy to sell you 11 billion varieties of hummus, but don't get the wrong idea, wingnuts: Whole Foods is just as scared of Muslims as you! Really!

America! What is wrong with you? Despite the fact that Wal-Mart is the only store of any size left in your post-apocalyptic economically decimated little towns, Wal-Mart's sales have been falling for two years now. Important update: it's getting worse!

Joseph Lacher was the head of the largest unit of Allstate. Two weeks ago, he was abruptly fired, with little explanation. What happened, Joe?

Speaking of hugely popular chain stores with a liberal reputation which are actually staunch enemies of unions: Starbucks! The Industrial Workers of the World have been trying, with little success, to organize Starbucks workers for years. This week, they're picketing select Starbucks locations in major cities, partly in sympathy with Chilean Starbucks workers who are already on strike. From an IWW press release:

You can't accuse Big Food companies of failing to care about America's health. If Americans die, who will buy all the Cheetos and Kool Aid, for example? That's why Big Food is willing to make minor cosmetic concessions—for you!