• Lindsay Lohan was supposed to go to Vienna so she could accompany creepy billionaire Richard Lugner to the Vienna Opera Ball. (He brings a different celeb or model to the event every year and pays them $150,000 for the pleasure.) Sadly, Lindsay missed her chance to collect the much-needed cash. She ran up a $22K bill at the airport duty free shop and couldn't pay the bill, and the ensuing drama forced her to miss the flight. So she didn't get Lugner's check, she has $22K in stuff she doesn't need, and her house is even more cluttered. That worked out well! [DM, P6]
• The reason Alec Baldwin was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night yesterday? Apparently he got into a fight with his 14-year-old daughter, Ireland, over the phone and threatened to "take some pills," then she called 911 and an ambulance showed up, and Alec was like, "Ugh, fine I'll go to the hospital," and he spent about an hour in the ER before doctors sent him home. His rep says it was "all a misunderstanding," and it's possible that his ex-wife, Kim Basinger, actually prompted Ireland to call 911 in an effort to embarrass him. But Alec didn't make the situation any better when he returned home on Thursday night and "assaulted" a Post photographer who was waiting for him outside his apartment building. [Fox411, NYP, Daily News, Us]
• John Mayer broke down on stage in Nashville on Wednesday, thanked his band for standing by him, and vowed to "quit the media game." Finally! [Us]
• Bill Clinton was hospitalized yesterday after complaining of chest pains. Doctors inserted two stents into a blocked artery and the ex-president is now at home in Chappaqua and "in good spirits." [People]

Hailey Glassman lands the lowest of blows and a terrifying magazine cover. Should Alec Baldwin blame his hospitalization on his ex-wife or his daughter? Suri Cruise wears lipstick. Quentin Tarantino wears out his welcome. TGIFriday gossip.

• Lots of celebs turned out for the Super Bowl in Miami. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were there (and were spotted "kissing, hugging and laughing," so if you were worried that they'd broken up, you can rest easy). Also on hand was Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher (who were chased by photographers), Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, and John Travolta, who couldn't even be bothered to stay for the entire game. [DM, The Sun, Popeater]

• Is the cast of Jersey Shore getting a little overexposed? Just a little! MTV is now looking to clamp down on their efforts to "pimp themselves" at bars and colleges around the country and has informed them that they're each limited to two appearances a week and need permission from the network before accepting any gigs. [P6, NYDN]

• In other Jersey Shore news, Jenni "JWoww" Farley is planning to "enhance" her ginormous fake boobs "as soon as possible to be ready for the new season," you'll be pleased to hear. [P6]

John Travolta arriving at the Palm steakhouse in Midtown yesterday only to find it closed ... Courtney Love heading into the Mercer Hotel in SoHo ... Alessandra Ambrosio walking with husband Jamie Mazur in the West Village ... Jon Bon Jovi shopping with wife Dorothea in SoHo ... Kelly Preston leaving the Plaza Hotel with her daughter and a friend ... Sarah Jessica Parker walking with son James in the Village ... Bruce Jenner making his way through JFK dressed in his finest track suit ... Chace Crawford on the set of Gossip Girl ... and Josh Hartnett hailing a cab on Hudson Street.

• It looks like Jann Wenner has finally given up his stake in the Upper West Side townhouse that he shared with Jane Wenner up until their marriage dissolved in the mid-'90s. (The Rolling Stone founder and publisher now resides with his longtime partner, Matt Nye.) Property records show that Jane paid Jann $4 million for his share of the five-story townhouse at 37 West 70th Street, which the couple jointly purchased from the estate of Perry Ellis back in 1987. [Cityfile]
• Carol McFadden, the social fixture whose husband George was killed in a plane crash in 2008, has closed on the sale of her penthouse at The Metropolitan on East 90th Street. Nearly a year and a half after first listing the home for $8.9 million, the full-floor spread has been sold to Stewart Satter, the CEO of Consumer Testing Laboratories, for $6.925 million. That's about $1 million less than what Carol and her late husband paid for the place back in 2004. [Cityfile, Corcoran]
• Could Courtney Love be planning to buy a West Village townhouse? That's the rumor, since she was reportedly spotted checking out a townhouse at 56 Bank Street that is currently on the market for $5.998 million. [Curbed, BHS]

Former US Weekly editor Janice Min got a book deal to write From Mousewife to Momshell: The Rules and Celebrity Secrets for Being a Thinner, Younger, and Sexier Mom. What a great idea! We'd like to propose some entries.

• Lady Gaga collapsed in her dressing room last night just before she was set to perform at Purdue University. Paramedics were called and she reported she was "feeling dizzy and having trouble breathing," and the concert had to be canceled. But she's okay today and has since apologized to her "little monsters" (fans) on Twitter, so everything is cool now. [Sun, MTV]
• Lindsay Lohan hung out with Jersey Shore's Paul "DJ Pauly D" Devecchio and Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino at a club in LA the other night. If you, too, want to fist-pump with Pauly, you can: He'll be DJing at a Midtown baron Jan. 23, and the cover is only $10. [Us, NYP]
• George Clooney is hosting a telethon next week to raise funds for Haiti. Other celebs pitching in to help: Gisele Bundchen has pledged $1.5 million with husband Tom Brady; Madonna says she's good for $250K; and David Blaine is performing for three days in Times Square as part of a fundraiser for the Red Cross. [Us, NYDN, People]

• Those rumors about Tiger Woods in rehab have returned. According to People, Woods checked into a sex rehab clinic around New Year's and will be there until "Valentine's Day or thereabouts." (Perfect timing!) As for his estranged wife, Elin Nordegren, she's moved into a new home that's just a couple of miles from the gated community where she used to live with Woods. [People, TMZ, NYDN]
• Have Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel split up? That's what some people are saying, since she spent the last week climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro while he was in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. And couples that are really in love would never spend a moment apart, would they? Didn't think so. [Radar]
• The Post reported a few days ago that Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly have made plans to get married in November. Naturally, this had led the Daily News to report today that the story is totally untrue and the couple hasn't even discussed getting engaged, at least according to one of Minka's friends. [NYDN]
• Forbes released its list of Hollywood's "top-earning couples" yesterday. The winner? That would be Beyoncé and Jay-Z, who reeled in $122 million last year, or more than double what Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt collected. Possibly related: Beyoncé said yesterday that she plans to take a "hiatus" from singing so she can "live life." Which is what you'd do, too, if you made nine figures over the last 12 months. [Forbes, NYDN]
• The Conan-Leno mess is bad news for NBC. But it's also made late-night TV sorta watchable again, which is nice. [Gawker]

Love played a New Year's Eve show at The Standard, a publicity-loving nude display case in the Meatpacking District. This, apparently, is video of her "rehearsing." If you care about anything at all, watching this video will make your stomach bleed. At the end, an assistant comes in to ask, "Do you need anything else from a pharmacy right now other than the prescriptions?"

• Is Tiger Woods in New York right now? Did he settle with his estranged wife by handing her a check for $300 million? In two pretty dubious stories now making the rounds, a friend of Elin Nordegren says Woods' scorned wife—who spent the holiday weekend at a French ski resort—has been telling pals she got a $300 million gift for Christmas from her estranged husband. Meanwhile, rumors also surfaced that Woods was spending the weekend holed up at New York's Trump International Hotel, where he ordered huge amounts of Red Bull and vodka and was accompanied by a "leggy blond." Alas, the paparazzi camped out outside the hotel never caught a glimpse of him and the hotel staff denied Woods was ever there. [NYDN, NYP]
• Down in St. Barts, Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich made it rain by hosting a $5 million New Year's Eve party at his $90 million estate. Beyoncé, Gwen Stefani and Prince all performed at the shindig, and the Russian mogul's party—along with fetes hosted by Larry Gagosian and Paul Allen—attracted a long list of boldface names to the island, including Jay-Z, Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr, Marc Jacobs and Lorenzo Martone, Rachel Zoe, Harvey Weinstein and Georgina Chapman, and Russell Simmons. For her part, Lindsay Lohan spent much of the weekend aboard Abramovich's boat, where she was seen jet-skiing and shopping in a teeny bikini and ginormous wedge heels. She also sent out a rather ominous tweet on New Year's Eve: "Everyone get ready for more (but positive—LOHAN MAYHEM!!!" Sigh. [NYP, People, DM]
• According to Peter Biskind's new biography of Warren Beatty—and some "simple arithmetic" on the part of Biskind—the actor has bedded 12,775 women during his lifetime. Annette Bening must be so proud. [NYP]

• One of Hollywood's longest-lasting relationships is over: After 23 years and two sons, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins announced yesterday that they've called it quits. One possible reason for the split: It seems Sarandon may have been having an affair with one of the owners of Spin, the "ping pong social club" that opened this fall and in which she's an investor. [Gawker, P6]
• Mary J. Blige is not to be messed with, clearly. At her CD release party earlier this week, she smacked husband Kendu Isaacs—or punched, depending on which account of the incident you want to go with—after she noticed him checking out a waitress. [NYDN, P6]
• Members of the cast of Jersey Shore have moved to the second chapter of "Exploiting Reality TV Stardom: Practices & Procedures": They're asking to be paid appearance fees to show up at clubs. Alas, not even a club in Hoboken was willing to cough up the $10K that they've been asking for. [P6]

• Amy Sacco's Bungalow 8 closed a couple of months ago, but now she says "the grand reopening of the new Bungalow 8" is planned for February. [NYM]
• More on the rumored return of Beatrice Inn, if you're interested. [Gawker]
• Le Pain Quotidien is expanding to Rockefeller Center and Central Park. [NYO]
• Govind Armstrong has left Table 8, but the eatery is still open, FYI. [NYT]
• Andre Balazs's Boom Boom Room will host a very special affair on New Year's Eve. For $250-750, guests will get to watch Courtney Love "perform." [Eater]
• A Hamptons real estate broker has filed a lawsuit against Bobby Flay. [N'day]
• If the 2007 Times article about what restaurateur Drew Nieporent does in his spare time at his New Jersey home didn't satisfy your obsession for all things Nieporent, here's pretty much the same info from yesterday's Times. [NYT]

Someone dares invoke the earth-shattering wrath of Demi Moore by calling the ageless aged? Indeed! PageSix got porn-y. Sheriff TMZ's busting Maria Shriver and Lil' Wayne. Courtney Love, Jon Gosselin, Kate Gosselin: still suck. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup!

• A-Rod dumpee Kate Hudson was "consoled" by fellow Rodriguez ex Madonna at the premiere of Nine on Tuesday night. As for A-Rod, he was spotted in Miami yesterday, where he supposedly made the moves on a blonde at a restaurant but came up short. There's hope for A-Rod and Kate yet, though. The two have reportedly been speaking on the phone this week, and Hudson is still hoping they can patch things up. [P6, NYDN]
• A car that Anne Hathaway was riding in struck a cyclist in LA yesterday. Thankfully, Anne emerged unscathed. But ever the good girl, she hopped out of the car to tend to the biker and was photographed looking concerned. [TMZ, People]
• Today in Tiger: Elin Nordegren has supposedly made up her mind that she's leaving him, and has been shopping for divorce attorneys before she plans to head to Sweden for Christmas; Woods' high school girlfriend is now blaming the whole mess on Tiger's father, who may have been a serial cheater; Jessica Simpson is denying reports she ever hooked up with the golfer; and as for Tiger himself, he's supposedly spent the past few days holed up at home where he spends his time eating cereal, watching cartoons, and feeling depressed.

Brad goes out of town and Angie flies into a depressive rage, Madonna's face is bloated (with restylane?), Anne Hathaway is in a car crash with a stylish cyclist. Thursday's gossip is full of peril.

• A "bone-thin" Elin Nordegren moved a big bunch of belongings out of the Florida mansion she shares (shared?) with Tiger Woods yesterday; she's supposedly headed "somewhere warm" for Christmas. As for Tiger, it seems he's going to spend Christmas with "the boys." Maybe Rachel Uchitel will stop by for a visit? According to tabloid reports, Tiger is still in contact with Mistress No. 1, and is hoping to squeeze a little time to get together. [NYP, NYDN, People, Us]
• Lindsay Lohan may have to put off any more trips to rescue exploited children living in Third World countries. A judge has ordered her to start attending her alcohol education program classes "every single week" because, well, "it's been long enough." [Us]
• Why did Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson break up? According to a highly dubious story that one of the slugger's pals has been telling the tabloids, it was because Hudson wanted to be on camera when she sat in the stands at Yankee Stadium, whereas A-Rod really wanted someone "more interested in building a long-term relationship than just building their profile." [Us]
• As for Hudson, she's dealing with the split from A-Rod by spending some quality time with her movie star parents, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Goldie turned up as Kate's date to the Nine premiere last night. [HL, DM]

Elin eyes an alternate source of revenue, A-Rod dumped K-Hud for being a famewhore, Tiger paparazzi pics are at a premium, Courtney Love fights with Perez. Wednesday gossip may look like a gun, but it is really a telescope.

• Courtney Love has lost control of her daughter. Frances Bean Cobain is almost an adult—she's 17—but a LA judge has granted guardianship to Kurt Cobain's mother and younger sister yesterday. Don't think it's because Courtney is on drugs or completely crazy (although she is). It's just that Frances is a "strong-willed child" and prefers to "live with her grandmother at this time." [People, TMZ]
• Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson have yet to confirm reports they've broken up, but it's looking like A-Rod has already moved on. He was seen in Miami this past weekend in the company of a "leggy blonde," and reportedly told another bunch of girls he was chatting up that he's "definitely single." [P6, NYDN]
• Tara Reid's redemption is underway! Not only is she hanging out with classy characters like Giuseppe Cipriani, she's announced that she'll be appearing topless in the January-February issue of Playboy. Welcome back! [P6, Us]

This time it's not because she's high, just that Frances Bean prefers her granny. Also: Rihanna takes her top off, A-Rod and Kate Hate maybe-split, Kourtney Kardashian wolfs tunafish after childbirth. ¡Vamanos a Tuesday gossip!

The Smashing Pumpkins frontman can now add Jessica Simpson as another notch in his rather unfortunate bedpost. Billy, it's time to stop dating below you and get back to work doing something great. We have suggestions.