What took Hollywood so long? Tim Russert died on June 13th and they're only just now announcing plans to make a movie about his life? On July 2nd? Come on, people, that's 19 days. Used to be a movie like that would get announced under a week after the tragedy. Summer must be making everyone lazy.

So distraught was one of our readers after watching the heartbreaking, lightly scripted Two Coreys moment where Corey Feldman devastates Corey Haim with news that a straight-to-video sequel to Lost Boys would be going forward without him (hell, even the Lesser Frog Brother probably got a call) that our compassionate operative immediately took to Craigslist to try and find the wounded Haim some companionship to get him through this difficult time. And Craigslist, that online lamp inhabited by millions of anonymous genies ready to fulfill even the most outlandish of wishes, predictably yielded help:

In Monday's New York mag: "Married Man Seeks Same for Discreet Play," by David Amsden. Says the PR teaser, breathlessly: "He has a loving wife, a small child—and sex with men on the side. How the Internet has made it easier than ever to lead a detection-proof double life." Ooh, who is "he"? Dollars to donuts we don't find out. Still, looking forward to it! (And to young Mr. Amsden not writing about teen girls for once.)

Because time is clearly of the essence with the show's blockbuster finale just a couple of hours away, we'll pass along this Craigslist plea by an American Idol worker in desperate need of a tension-breaker with a minimum of the usual preamble:

An appealing "roommate wanted" post that's been up and down on Craiglist—$1200 a month, large room with terrace, near the Grand St. L train—this last week has an unusual "catch." Yeah, just a sex party once or twice a week. Don't be so uptight! Fortunately, your future roommate is both a registered E.M.T. and has a great bio online! It's endlessly fascinating.

Defamer is committed to informing its readers of exciting opportunities to be humiliated by television networks desperately trying to fill out the non-American Idol portions of their primetime schedules with similarly intellectually challenging fare. And in the service of this noble mission, we direct you to Craigslist's virtual casting office, where the drive to recruit those soon to be flummoxed by an inability to retrieve facts once readily recoverable from their ten-year-old minds is in full swing:

While the Internet provides countless opportunities for expression, connection, and experimentation that otherwise might have never occurred, these expressions are, as you might expect, of varying quality. So when we spot something as entertaining as this Craigslist ad, we feel duty-bound to pass it along. It's a gripping tale of real estate and unstoppable compulsions, and you really do need to read it. We're just sorry that the no doubt bored office drone who wrote it during work had to resort to CL to get this gem published: It should have been a "Shouts & Murmurs" piece in The New Yorker. I mean, it's certainly no less funny than anything Andy Borowitz ever wrote.

A job listing spotted on Craigslist:

The prep-loving homos are getting restless. "I need closure to the question surrounding the identity of our favorite 23 year old aristocrat from CL," begged an e-mail from West Chelsea, with what we heard in our head as those verbal italics. "Please oblige."