Can I tell my 14-year-old neighbor to stop singing because she sucks?

I think it's because she talks about oral sex just as much as Lil Kim but instead of Biggie in the background there's some kinda nerdy guy and so some people on the internet do a double take and say "The pretty smiling dancing girl in pigtails and short shorts who loves oral sex sometimes hangs out with kinda nerdy guys? Ah HMMMM."

It's a time-honored tradition for reports at gay newspapers or magazines to ask straight celebrities, "If you played for the other team, who would you want to sleep with?" It's like that will make them slightly more gay or something. But everyone seems to have a celebrity they want to bone who is not of the gender they usually bone. Who's yours?

Rebels ransacking Libyan ruler Muammar Qaddafi's compound found a strange artifact yesterday: A big album of close-up pics of former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. Even brutal dictators have schoolboy crushes, apparently.

Among a certain set of young women, just the mere mention of actor Robert Pattinson is enough to elicit uncontrollable shrieks and gurgles. Seriously? This guy? What the hell is wrong with you, ladies?

Today People magazine announced that the title of "Sexiest Man Alive" belongs to Ryan Reynolds. Yeah, he's hot, but we can do better than that. We want to know who makes your loins quiver.

Prepare for outrage: Sen. Harry Reid referred to New York Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand as the Senate's "hottest member" last night. Sure, he was just referencing her #3 place on this 50 Most Beautiful list, but Kiki blushed nevertheless. [Image: Getty]

Aww, this is sweet: "Rep. Joseph Cao (R-La.) said he loves President Obama on a personal level, and believes that the president likes him very much, too." Enough with the games, Cao! Just ask him out already.

This month's Out magazine features an interview with Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe, a pocket-sized heartthrob who is essentially the ideal heterosexual man. And girls, he's single and ready to mingle. Why is he so wonderful? Let's take a look.

New York Post sex columnist Andrea Peyser is positively smitten with America's heartthrob, Lindsay Lohan. It's so obvious. Andrea's just like a little kid, spewing false insults at her crush object to cover up her undying love.

Harold Ford is already a gross caricature of a clueless reverse carpetbagger. It would take quite the contrarian to...hello, Andrea Peyser! She sees Harold as "a punk-rock star...cute, quiet guy." Which is actually a contradiction, but so is love. [NYP]

Marble-eyed Englishman Jude Law made the mistake of moving into a condo right next door to an NYU dorm. What are you, Jude Law—dumb? Heh. He deals with female fans by throwing produce at them.

"Malia Obama-Jonas"...has a nice (purity) ring to it. [HuffPo]

The crowd in the top left picture there was gathered tonight in honor of future White House press Secretary Robert Gibbs. "[His] cock may be sore from the hours of blow jobs here but he retains his good humor," Time's Ana Marie Cox wrote from the frenzied mob. That's only half a joke: Gibbs may not be a hottie in the conventional sense (except in a dogfight), but if you're a journalist soon to cover the president-elect — and who isn't, on some level? — you better start the kissing up as soon as possible (preferably three years ago). Luckily for the Obama supplicants, this administration is considerably younger and hotter than the last, and even tops the Clinton administration, with its charming young George Stephanopoulos, the It Boy of his administration.

This is the cover of the upcoming book from New York's favorite scruffy musician and flâneur, Ryan Adams. It's called Infinity Blues. Can somebody at Akashic send me the galleys of this please?! Thanks.

Okay, clearly I am going to milk this crush theme until I'm asking you all to post daguerrotypes of pre-Victorian stage performers and ballerinas. But we're not there yet! The 1960s is recent enough for all of us to have seen lots and lots of its movies and TV shows and to have developed childhood-or childlike-crushes on its many attractive stars. So, who's your fave? Mine after the jump. If you can pull yourself away from Michael Phelps for two minutes!

Yesterday's installment brought forth so much thrillingly lovely eye-candy that I'm sticking with the theme today. Only difference is that we'll be delving even further back into our collective crush unconsciousness. Crush-onciousness? Whatev. I'll start it off with my choice for most amazingly glorious 1970s heartbreaker.

Who made your heart and knees go all to jittery goo the quickest in the movies and TV shows of the wonderful 1980s? My personal fave has never-as far as I know-been filmed in the delightful leg-warmers of the period, so that field is wide open. And, yes, boy-crushes are welcome.

"John Krasinski doesn't need a woman who's well versed in the latest fashions. In fact, he says, a girl in a cardigan would do just fine. Asked by August's Glamour whether he'd be amenable to dating 'a normal girl' like Pam, his Office crush, Krasinski, 27, replies: "Yes, please! It's not about celebrity or not. It's all about, do you have that 'girl in a cardigan' in you. You gotta have that." Come on down to our offices, John. We're all wearing cardigans. Only cardigans.