It had been a little while since 60 Minutes had graced us with a show-ending Andy Rooney segment, but tonight, everyone's favorite senile curmudgeon was back—and complaining about something, naturally. Tonight's victim? The confusing, evil, soul-destroying e-book!

In Wolf Blitzer's CNN Situation Room today—where things are watched very closely—Jack Cafferty filed a report about Sarah Palin's odd post-Arizona shooting speech. What'd we learn? Cafferty hates Palin—he also thinks her shot at the Presidency is over.

On tonight's 60 Minutes, Andy Rooney tackled a story about a Virginia history textbook that was revealed to contain 140 mistakes. Then, Rooney bragged about all the books he's written. Then, he again criticized the aforementioned author. The video, inside.

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart opened with a segment about the 108th Congress. Specifically, Stewart lambasted curmudgeonly bigot John McCain for his increasingly angry, insane rhetoric. Then, Stewart fought with a puppet version of McCain. The entertaining bit, inside.

We already know (because he told us) that Andy Rooney hates throwing things away. On tonight's 60 Minutes, we learned that—even if it's for charity—there's no way in hell Rooney will give anything to anybody—like, EVER. Watch inside.

Apparently, two things happen when you get old: you accumulate tons of stuff, and you don't want to throw it away. Such is the case for Andy Rooney, who discussed the issue—and name-dropped a lot—on tonight's 60 Minutes.

On tonight's 60 Minutes, Andy Rooney cited a study that claimed that Asian-Americans who live in New Jersey and have a good sense of humor have the best chance to live to be 100—he was skeptical! Watch inside.

Last week, 60 Minutes was boring. Why? Because there was no Andy Rooney! Luckily for us, though, Rooney was back tonight with a nonsensical rant about how much he hates surveys—even though he constantly reads them. Watch inside.

Stop the presses—Andy Rooney's finally found something that he doesn't hate! During yesterday's 60 Minutes, Rooney revealed that he'd recently seen Secretariat. Further, Rooney enjoyed the film (though not as much as seeing the horse in person).

On this week's edition of, "Andy Rooney Talks About Things That He Hates," we have this: Rooney goes through fan mail, and then criticizes the people who wrote him letters! He also says that he will never shave his eyebrows.

On Sunday, we told you that Andy Rooney has vowed to lose 20 lbs. by Halloween. (Video here.) Tonight, Stephen Colbert hilariously discussed the absurdity of Rooney's goal after playing an even more hilarious clip reel of his constant complaining.

Breaking: Andy Rooney is still a nearly unintelligible curmudgeon! Tonight on 60 Minutes, Rooney launched into a random rant about dieting before he declared that he plans to lose 20 lbs. before Halloween. Uh, by shaving his eyebrows? Video inside.

Andy Rooney: "I think I'll know when I can't do this anymore. I think I'd quit before anyone tells me to." Later: "Sunday's essay is about the weather." [USAT]

CNN curmudgeon Tony Harris has been a hold-out when it comes to his network's desperate insistence that you keep going to its various blogs while you are watching television. Today he cracked. He hates blogs.