Actress Katherine Heigl turns 31 today. Colin Hanks, the actor and son of Tom Hanks, is turning 32. Acclaimed author Arundhati Roy turns 48. Former congressman and outgoing MPAA chairman Dan Glickman is 66. Former NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue is 69. Former White House Press Secretary Marlin Fitzwater is turning 67. Former Beatle Pete Best is 68. And the infamous Linda Tripp is turning 60.

Is there such a thing as a sure thing anymore? Sony seems to think so but the list surely gets ever shorter.

As the box office tea leaves are sifted, many in Hollywood are searching for a way to take the glory away from Spike Jonze, but whatever, your feelings about the hipster icon, we all bow before an opening weekend victory.

Actress Katherine Heigl celebrated with a big bash last week, but her actual birthday is today—she's 30. Colin Hanks, the actor and son of Tom Hanks, turns 31 today. Actor Billy Connolly is 67. Famed author Arundhati Roy is 47. Dan Glickman, the chairman of the MPAA and a former congressman, is 65. Former NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue is 68. And the infamous Linda Tripp turns 59 today.

It seems fitting that on a day when pigs and their lipstick are a subject of national discourse, MPAA boss Dan Glickman would add a bit of Hollywood color with a gushing, glimmering tribute to his institution's widely reviled ratings system. The infamous G, PG, R and the disused X celebrate their 40th anniversary Nov. 1, trailed by the PG-13 (est. 1984) and NC-17 (est. 1990) denotations; as Glickman reportedly told a gathering today in Washington, the ratings are "synonymous with the First Amendment ... with political, artistic and creative expression in this country":

Mere days after MPAA mascot Dan Glickman and pals around town swore up one side and down the other that movies are a relatively inexpensive, recession-proof industry, a group of brass-balled fate tempters — including "the Retirement Systems of Alabama pension fund" (we can't make this up) — are betting that even $35 tickets wont scare off potential patrons of their planned luxury chain.

In an environment as volatile and prone to bullshit as the film business is, we tip our caps to the guileless souls who keep it real when things are looking down. Particularly people like MPAA president Dan Glickman, who, when asked by Time Magazine how the industry's '08 crop of retreads, sequels and adaptations might weather the sluggish economy, steadfastly refused to toe the company line:

Dan Glickman, head of the MPAA, is calling on Internet service providers to implement filtering to protect movies from piracy. AT&T has already announced plans to develop such a system, but there are few details. It's also not clear if Glickman has any rationale for placing the onus on ISPs, considering the law's not on his side. And yet, the prospect of holding them legally responsible for piracy on their networks is implied in his statements.

To celebrate a summer movie season that has delivered an unprecedented, soul-crushing string of record-breaking pirate-, ogre-, and superhero-related sequels, MPAA spirit squad captain Dan Glickman has grabbed his pom-poms and megaphone and headed for the Huffington Post to lead the world in a call-and-response "Holly!"..."WOOD!" cheer, careful not to tear anything amid his flurry of ecstatic scissor-kicks. Glickman reminds us that the while the MySpaces and the YouTubes may have their place in modern life, nothing beats a wholesome trip to the multiplex to watch horny college girls get eviscerated by sadistic hostel-keepers for old-fashioned community-building:

· No, sillies! His name is Gay! LOL! CMT would never hire a real Gay! [Variety]
· We thought that Disney could never top itself after casting John Travolta, Tim Allen, and Martin Lawrence together in Wild Hogs, but they've just officially blown our minds by getting Travolta and Robin Williams into Old Dogs, the story of "two best friends and business partners whose lives are turned upside down when they find themselves in the care of 7-year-old twins." This one could do $300 million, easy. [THR]
· With no more female-friendly MOW worlds to conquer after landing both Jennie Garth and Lacey Chabert for upcoming projects, Lifetime president/CEO Betty Cohen "steps down" barely 24 hours after the network's upfront presentations. [Variety]
· Following yesterday's (possibly premature) reports that Spiderman: 3 may have already been pirated in Beijing, enraged MPAA head Dan Glickman stops just short of announcing an immediate Hollywood-led nuclear strike against China. [THR]
· In happier MPAA news, pirate-hunter emeritus Jack Valenti is out of the hospital after a recent stroke, but could suffer a setback should he be updated on this troubling China/Spider-Man situation. [Variety]