If you are a business owner, Mitt Romney has a message for you. Tell your employees that the future depends on voting for Mitt Romney. You can do that, legally. In fact, tell them—the people whose paychecks you sign—that their futures depend on it, too.

Watch this video, via Good Morning America, and see the desperate measures killer whales will resort to when they're forced into a tank that's a fraction of a percentage of their normal environment and made to do tricks appealing to stupid humans instead of composing their pop songs and devising plans for a panglobal peaceful society.

BuzzFeed's Gavon Laessig got his hands on an early copy of the upcoming Barack Obama biography penned by Pulitzer Prize winner David Maraniss.

A new study commissioned by British Prime Minister David Cameron to protect children from seeing inappropriate images on television will suggest that no gay kisses be shown on television before the 9pm "watershed." But where will our young ones get their same-sex snogging?

Prince William and Kate get cuddly. Nicole Richie gets married, elephant in tow. Miley Cyrus soldiers on despite bong-ripping controversy, and Madonna is banned from TV. Sunday gossip round up is a blizzard of titillating details

Taylor and Jake flirt their way across New York. A Sports Illustrated model gets in a catfight. Celine Dion's husband describes his wife's numerologically perfect birth. Tuesday gossip is a windswept romance.

Here is a theory about the Goldman Sachs case which comes as much from our ignorance of all things financial as anywhere: Basically, we are pissed that Goldman Sachs made a lot of money while everyone else went broke.

Recently we told you about a new book that claims Jackie Kennedy and brother-in-law Robert were engaged in a long-hidden affair. But just wait! There is an utter smackdown of the book and the man who wrote it.

Levi Johnston, noted Palin daughter-nailer, has hired Tank Jones, "a size-58 suit-wearing black man," to manage his career and be his bodyguard. He's also developed an alter ego to help him destroy his Wasilla-ness and fully embrace douchedom—"Ricky Hollywood."

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button grazed history last week with 13 Academy Award nominations. But could it seize Oscar legend by the throat on Feb. 22 with 13 losses? We think so!

· On today's Martha: "Hey, Marcia Gay Harden, star of Into the Wild, have you ever actually known anyone who's 'gone into the wild?' No? Huh, that's funny. Because I do, and she never came back. Well, since you don't have any topical stories about tragedy to share, what do you say we get back to pretending to make these cookies or whatever."
· Have you ever noticed that all of the white protagonists in Wes Anderson movies seem to work out their romantic issues with ladies of color? Well, someone did. [via Feministing]
· Beckett Boo, Esq., catspotter extraodinaire, has been to Promises.
· The headline of the day, and it wasn't even close: Sculptor's crack baffles art world. Do we even care what the story's about? No, not really.
· Shooting on David Hasselhoff's new E! show has apparently begun ahead of schedule.