What’s so bad about weed that we should continue to keep it illegal in this country? The DEA is glad you asked. We should keep weed illegal because it is illegal, they say.

While one’s first rave is generally thrilling, it can also be bewildering experience for an unsophisticated Drug Enforcement Agent. When, for instance, do ravers put on their rave clothes? Which sports drinks do they favor? Also what in God’s name is a “PLUR”?

Secret Service agents: not the only government men letting it all hang loose in Colombia. Turns out their DEA brothers from another budget also have a penchant for flying south for a little DCP&P (drug cartel parties and prostitutes).

Search "Sondra Price" on Facebook and you'll find a profile for the woman shown above. From the information that's publicly displayed, you'll learn a few things about her: She went to Watertown High School, she drives a BMW, her nickname is "Sosa," and judging by one picture, she might have young children.

According to the Associated Press, the DEA spent nearly 20 years buying confidential passenger information from an Amtrak employee in an effort to screw over the railroad behemoth.

DEA agents helped shoot up a boatload of innocent civilians last year along the the Honduran Mosquito Coast, killing three, the New Yorker's Mattathias Schwartz reports. Aside from stonewalling any investigation, the U.S. response was this: "These are not innocent communities."

Since at least 2007, DEA agents and local police detectives have had regular access to a gigantic database that contains detailed records of every American phone call that's passed through an AT&T switch in the past 26 years. The program, named the Hemisphere Project, also pays AT&T employees to work alongside drug-enforcement officers stationed in three states.

In a secret intelligence project seen as "more troubling" than the NSA's far-reaching data-mining operations, the DEA has been passing along to other law-enforcement agencies "information from intelligence intercepts, wiretaps, informants and a massive database of telephone records"—and instructing the agencies to lie about where they got it.

A University of California San Diego student abandoned in a DEA holding cell for four days, without food or water, settled a lawsuit against the Justice Department on Tuesday for $4.1 million.

At a House Judiciary Subcommittee hearing held today to conduct Drug Enforcement Administration oversight, Rep. Jared Polis (D-CO) — a major proponent of marijuana legalization — tried for several minutes to get an answer from DEA administrator Michele Leonhart on the relative severity of marijuana compared to other Schedule I narcotics.

Jerks in the federal government announced on Friday that they'd uprooted 468,960 pot plants and arrested some 100 people as part of a two-week long operation in the Mendocino National Forest, called "Operation Full Court Press" by authorities and "Operation What a Bunch of Assholes" by everyone else.

Agents from the Drug Enforcement Administration yesterday crushed the New Year's Eve plans of many New Yorkers when they busted two men who arrived on a flight from Puerto Rico with 92 pounds of cocaine in their luggage. Bummer. [NYP]

The Atlanta field division of the Drug Enforcement Administration, apparently, has all of these bugged tapes of black people, but can't understand any of it. So it's looking to hire nine "Ebonics" speakers, to translate this garbled nonsense.

Barack Obama is telling the feds to stop, like, totally freaking out, man, and take it easy on medical marijuana.

Sigh. It used to be that coke dealers would mix their product with normal, safe things, like baking powder. Well, those days are over, because they've found an innovative new ingredient: levamisole. And it will kill you.

Antipolygraph.org, a web site devoted to debunking lie-detectors as junk science, has busted a Seattle DEA agent for, um, lying by posting rather odd sockpuppet messages to the site's message board.