Let's just cut to the chase, shall we? Help us get to the bottom of this Kiefer's pants-stain mystery after the jump:

Sexiest Beef-Pusher Alive Matthew McConaughey can strike "dabble in fatherhood" from his phonebook-thick bucket list, as his girlfriend has just birthed the actor's first child: a healthy son, with ten fingers, ten toes, but—in an unfortunate congenital defect which doctors reassure will have no bearing on the child's quality of life—only one, tiny flip-flop. From the Reuters report: