A show about Chicago's famous Playboy Club debuted last night and it was... not good. Also today: A movie heads to Broadway, Disney gets a whole new land, and Charlie Sheen is a hit.

Shocking and sexually thrilling news comes today that Robert Pattinson, shimmer-skinned vampyr hero of Twilight, is recording an album! Of music! How exciting.

So 28 million people watched Ashton Kutcher's debut on Two and a Half Men last night, and I was one of those people. And boy was it a harrowing experience.

Here's a trailer for J. Edgar, the Clint Eastwood biopic of the original G-Man, J. Edgar Hoover. Here the gradually Brandoing actor Leonardo DiCaprio plays the conflicted and controversial man, with plenty of heavy accent and face putty.

The Lion King is number one at the box office, so it must be, right? Meanwhile in the future, a disease movie holds on, a dark thriller does OK, and Sarah Jessica Parker stalls out.

Ryan Gosling has had "two of the greatest girlfriends of all time," and neither of them are you. Lindsay Lohan loses something (that isn't her mind, her youth or her talent). And Salahi drama continues. It's Sunday gossip!

We don't mean to be rude, but: who is this guy on The X Factor "world premiere screening" red carpet? And what has he done with Simon Cowell?

Lindsay Lohan crashes, and then gets kicked out of, Marc Jacobs' party. Tareq Salahi receives a picture of a penis in his mail—a penis we are reasonably sure does not belong to Justin Timberlake. Saturday gossip is here!

Fall is in full-swing, with gritty action movies, kooky sex comedies, and wistful dramas all flooding into the theaters. Let's take a look at those films and everything else that's opening.

Emmys! Television's highest honors (after the Peabodys and the TV Guide Awards) will be doled out on Sunday night to an approx. three million lucky TV actors and creators. Who will win? Who should win? Let's take a look!

Here's a trailer for Premium Rush, the New York thriller movie that features Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a fast-pedalin' bike messenger caught up in some gnarly intrigue. Whoa, man, slow down!

Some New Jersey politicians (well, OK, one assemblyman at least) are furious after learning that the first season of MTV's Jersey Shore, a paean to all things terrible about America's fourth-worst state, will cost the state's taxpayers $420,000 in tax credits. The horror!

There have always been a few particularly bad apples amongst the never-ending parade of costumed ne'er-do-wells that loiter outside Hollywood's famed Grauman's Chinese Theatre. Past arrests have included that of a rampaging Chewbacca and a Spider-Man gone berserk. Now to those unseemly ranks we add yet another, for SpongeBob SquarePants was "questioned but not arrested" by LAPD officers on Tuesday after a "brief incident with two females."

America's national embarrassment will continue to take over our lands and townships with another song. Also today: bad news for Anderson, decent news for Sarah, and great news for twentysomethings.

Here's a trailer for We Bought a Zoo, Cameron Crowe's based-on-a-true-story tale of a single father who, well, up and buys a damn zoo. It's a family repair drama and one that, based on this trailer, doesn't skimp on schmaltz.

Eight long years after Buffy the Vampire Slayer slayed its last, beloved heroine Sarah Michelle Gellar returned to the airwaves last night in The CW's Ringer, a soap opera noir that, in some ways true to its theme, only hit half the right notes.

Here's a full-length, at last!, trailer for November's The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1, the penultimate installment in the vampyr love story that's really just Mormon allegory. And guys! Look! They fuck!

Your beloved newsman's new talk show had an inauspicious debut. Also today: Entourage ended well, Hugh Grant is heading to the clouds, and new TV projects are in the works.

The perky one-time Disney queen continues to get work despite a string of bombs. Also today: the possible return of Robert Zemeckis, the likely return of Carrie Bradshaw, and the disappearance of Andrew Garfield.

On a slow weekend, a movie about a disease disaster started by Gwyneth Paltrow reigned supreme. Also this weekend, mixed martial arts made a wan debut, The Help continued to rage on, and a few people saw a strange movie.