One delusion common to rich business leaders who are all-powerful figures in their own small domains is the idea that they could lead the whole world just like they lead their business. Example Grande: Howard Schultz.

A police captain in Gary, Indiana, says he believes a family's claims of supernatural terror in a rental house they've since fled. Levitating children, swarms of flies in wintertime, mysterious footprints, invisible friends, another child "walking backward up a wall in the presence of a family case manager and hospital nurse"—this movie-ready tale even features screaming Catholic priests performing exorcisms.

"I love Madonna to death, but she's never going to give me that damn baton. I'll probably turn into more of a Joni Mitchell," says Katy Perry, who apparently has never listened to Joni Mitchell or tried to pry anything from her cold, dead painter hands.

From his promises to fix the country as the next President of the United States to his claims that Charlie Sheen's "not doing so badly" this morning—one could assume that The Donald just might be losing his touch.

Wyclef Jean's campaign for President of Haiti ended before it even began. But that's not preventing him from releasing a new six-song EP called "If I Were President: My Haitian Experience." Wyclef! You are not and never will be president!

People really, really want to believe private jets are BACK. Just ask the Economist, or the Wall Street Journal. If we can ogle plutocratic excess again, things will finally feel normal. Never mind that it's a delusion.

We're not ones to hype Matt Drudge's influence, but he is what he is, and New York Times editor Bill Keller and the Huffington Post's Tom Edsall's claims to the Observer that they don't read Drudge are transparent lies.

On CNBC today, Jim Cramer had the gall to attack someone for saying things that aren't, in his mind at least, true. Because you shouldn't say things that aren't true! Prepare yourself for a ridiculous clip.

Jesse Watters, Bill O'Reilly's ambush artist, has sworn off ambushing. Oh, he still plans to stalk his boss' enemies in a hollow charade of getting answers, but that word — "ambush" — sounds so tawdry.

"Financial ad spending might be soft over the next quarter or so," an executive tells Adweek today. We were like, ha, might be? "Soft?" Quite a gift for understatement, greasy ad dude. Or so we thought! But the optimistic take on reality is that the burning of Wall Street might not be so bad for the ad industry. In fact for some lucky agencies, it will be a freaking bonanza!

Call the wahmbulance! Chace Crawford thinks he's being used for his good looks. The Gossip Girl actor often questions the show runners when they want him to appear shirtless, mostly because he wants to preserve the integrity of his acting. He tells the magazine: "There was an episode where we were crashed out on the sofa after a big night out and they wanted me to wake up in my boxers, so I argued with them about it. I mean, first of all, who gets wasted with their buddy, and smokes weed and then strips down to their boxers before they pass out on the couch?! No one does that. Why am I naked on my buddy's couch? It was weird so I fought it." Some people probably do that! Plus, Chace, really? Don't be that way. We all know why you're on the show.

Click here to read Lara Cohen, of Us Weekly, try to defend her tabloid-lite magazine by saying the the real tabloid is the news media, because they've been covering the Rev. Wright hullabaloo so very much. Star-Ledgers, they're just like Us! Um, sort of!

We've been asked to clarify an earlier post about jailed wild-girl exploiter Joe Francis, who managed not to make himself look good in the New York Times Styles section this weekend in spite of being given every opportunity to do so. We'd suggested that publicist Mike Sitrick was responsible for the good placement—but 5W Public Relations flack Ronn Torrosian begs to differ: "please call gawker let them know you rep him not mike that got him the piece in NY times. Fix it and let him know," reads an email from Ronn's assistant Katrina, forwarded to us (on purpose? Maybe!) by Ronn.

Anyone who's been watching MTV's sorta-reality show The Hills this season knows that Audrina—the kind of hanger-on in star Lauren Conrad's orbit who managed to worm her way into Lauren's life and become her roommate and new BFF once former BFF Heidi spread those nasty rumors about her and started dating the spawn of Satan—has this kind of vapidness that either indicates she's really, really stupid, or she's just decided to play the stupid one on the show. Because really, it boggles the mind to think that she actually believes that her loser ex-boyfriend just magically decided to reappear in her life during the third season of her wildly successful reality TV show! But that seems to be what she's throwing down.

CONFONZ — The lovely thing about having a relatively well read gossip blog is that people bring the gossip to you. Case in point: the AOL Beta that resembles Yahoo's page. Someone inside AOL, or at least, inside AOL's heating ducts, brings us this report on the words of Ron Grant at yesterday's AOL management summit.