The convention just started!!! Howard Dean screamed (with his eyes, anyway) and now a lady is praying! Then the announcer lady from the Oscars introduced some Navajo Indians who are presenting the colors. The colors of the USA, the country that tried to kill them all. Then a lady said the pledge of allegiance and a chorus of children sang the national anthem and killed all Navajo dudes' cattle. Oh, Wolf just explained that those guys were the Navajo code-talkers from WWII. They are heroes and patriots! Jack Cafferty is babbling about how he is stealing things from Wolf's office as Wolf flies from Denver to Saint Paul in his tiny flying machine. Barack Obama is not even there yet! Someone here will tell you about Michelle Obama's speech, later tonight, probably. Now you are informed.

Good news! You thought the career of Mark Penn, scurrilous bastard Clinton pollster and world's worst PR guru, was finished? You thought he'd never ineptly manage the press strategy of another big Democrat again? Especially after those wonderful, wonderful Clinton campaign memos all got dumped on the Internet this week? The joke, as always, is on you, where "you" means "common sense and the hope that the Democratic party won't once again shoot itself in the foot." If Barack Obama chooses Even Bayh as his running mate (please, no, not The Ethanol Ticket), Penn's back on top! "For years, Penn and his wife, Nancy Jacobson, have been close advisers to Indiana Senator Evan Bayh." He'll lose this one for us yet! We'd be happier with fucking Biden. At least he's poor! [Atlantic, Photo-illustration]

Every four years, the Democrats have Jesse Jackson come speak at their convention to remind black people that even though the party has nominated yet another old white guy, they are still the party of civil rights and not being racist all the time. This year, though, the Dems have gone and nominated an African-American! So, Jesse, your services will not be needed. "Ronald Walters, a former Jackson aide who is the director of the African American Leadership Center at the University of Maryland, said he does not think Jackson will be asked to speak at the convention," The Hill Reports. Sad. Al Sharpton isn't coming either! All because Jackson said he wanted to cut Barack's nuts off on television that one time. You whisper one castration threat, suddenly you're not welcome at prom. Hey, guess who else isn't invited-black Congressman Charlie Rangel! Rangel-as a New York politician-vocally supported Hillary Clinton throughout the primaries. But it's not like he's done anything to stab Obama in the back since then! Still, he will not be speaking in Denver. The Hill says there might be some black politicians allowed to speak, though. Like Washington D.C. mayor Adrian Fenty! Who is much younger and less, uh, riled up than Jackson, Sharpton, or Rangel. He's also way more boring. But this is the face the Democrats would like to present to the nation: the party of calm, cool, young black guys. (Colin Powell, by the way, is not showing. Bill Kristol is a buffoon.)

A long list of A-listers are expected to show up in Denver for the Democratic National Convention on August 25 to 28th. Ben Affleck, Scarlett Johansson, Russell Simmons, Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins, Ed Norton, and Spike Lee are expected to attend; Fergie, Kanye West, Wyclef Jean, and Usher are in talks to perform. Alas, Erik Estrada has yet to confirm his appearance in Saint Paul, MN. [NYDN]

Senator Hillary Clinton trails Senator Barack Obama in both delegates and the popular vote. On Tuesday, the last of primaries will be decided in Montana and South Dakota, where Obama is expected to win. "But that doesn't mean Sen. Clinton will be delivering a concession speech next week. The former first lady is favored to win the Puerto Rico primary on Sunday. A big victory there, combined with strong showings in Montana and South Dakota where Sen. Obama is favored, would put Sen. Clinton ahead in the popular vote, according to her campaign, which counts the votes from the disputed contests in Florida and Michigan and excludes caucus states. Most independent tallies of the popular vote put Sen. Obama ahead [...] 'Voting will be over [on Tuesday] but it's very unlikely the nomination will be secured,' says Clinton campaign strategist Geoff Garin." After the jump, just-released audio of Bill Clinton describing his devious plan for Florida and Michigan at a private fundraiser.

In 1960, American author and member of the designated ruling class Gore Vidal wrote a little play about how his good friend John Kennedy managed to fuck over intelligent wimp Adlai Stevenson and gain control of the Democratic party (and eventually the presidency). The play was called The Best Man, and it was made into an entertaining (and out of print) movie of the same name in 1964. It's the story of a hotly contested fight for the nomination that goes down to the wire, and all the smears and dirty tricks that make this country great. Do you see the parallels? DO YOU SEE? Well, they're actually kinda tenuous and not that informative, but it's a gripping little movie. Here's a clip, taken from a '90s BBC documentary on Vidal.

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, still having their cute little class president election, are advertising in the gay press—the first time any presidential candidates have done so, according to Editor & Publisher. Obama did it first, with "full-page and full-color, in some circumstances, ads in some of the LGBT publications in Ohio and Texas." Clinton hasn't gone that far, but the campaign is planning some buys in Pennsylvania. Obama's campaign site is currently hosting a video featuring, in the words of a tipster, a "super cute, super gay teacher." The Dems have not always been proud of their special relationship with the gay community, but this year, every vote counts. APROPOS OF ABSOLUTELY NOTHING The Daily Show talked to college student and Democratic superdelegate Jason Rae earlier this week. His favorite movie is Love, Actually, and his favorite musician is Celine Dion. Correspondent Jason Jones challenged him to an arm-wrestling competition. Video after the jump!

Edelman, the massive Wal-Mart-touting PR firm with the blog-watching CEO, has hired Katie Levinson, who is fresh off her gig as the communications director for the wildly successful Rudy Giuliani presidential campaign. She's also worked in PR roles for the Republican National Committee, the Bush-Cheney '04 campaign, and the Bush White House [PRNewser]. Levinson will doubtless be a valuable addition to Edelman's stable of well-connected Republican operatives who have built careers serving the public through the promotion of neoconservatism. And CEO Richard Edelman (pictured) should be commended on his evenhandedness, since he's a committed Democrat!

Why are the Republicans hiring, and then suspending, the likes of "consultants" Soren Dayton? Because they're desperate to catch up to the Democrats when it comes to building candidate support online, and will pay anyone armed with buzzwords, apparently. When lovable nutjob Ron Paul can pull a bigger audience of Web supporters than someone who might actually win the ticket, your party has problems. Don't worry, GOP! Valleywag is here to help with a handy guide on how to game social networks for political advantage without getting caught.

Ha ha, you thought the endless nightmare battle between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama was finally coming to a close, but Hillary just won Texas, Ohio and precious Rhode Island, gave a chipper speech and ordered aides to convene a special EMERGENCY conference call to slam Obama for doing crafty evil things to the proud caucusers of Texas, which means the seven weeks until the next important primary are going to eat your soul. Sure, there will be twee little elections in Mississippi and Wyoming to interrupt the arguing, but until Pennsylvania awards its 21 delegates on April 22, Clinton and Obama will mostly just be left torture everyone with endless bickering. What exactly will they yell at each other? Predictably, the Obama campaign said Clinton is going to throw all kinds of mud, while the Clinton campaign said it also thought Clinton would throw all kinds of mud:

The Real Estate Observer notes that the Democratic National Committee has chosen Denver as host city for its 2008 National Convention, bypassing the other major candidate: our fair city. The move makes sense on a couple of levels, especially politically: For the Democrats to regain the White House, they'll have to solidify the recent gains they've made in the West while shedding their image as the party of latte-sipping, brie-eating, fetus-killing tax-and-spenders (even though, you know, that's what they are). We can only imagine how well the image of a woman and a black guy coming to the podium to accept their nominations for the presidency and vice-presidency would play in the flyover states if it were coming from a city whose recent contributions to the culture include gay muppets, Shortbus, and the continuing inexplicable ability of Mario Cantone to get work. In any event, we want to look at the positive aspects of this decision, i.e., there won't be eight million protesting jackasses crowding midtown with their foul hippie odors and "Bush=Hitler" signs. Congratulations, Denver! Say hi to the jackasses from Critical Mass for us!

Ruh-roh. A D.C. wonky-type friend emails to point out a potential larger problem for Martha Stewart's new mag than mere revolving editors-in-chief. There's already a magazine called Blueprint, put out by the crusading moderates of the Democratic Leadership Council, and he wonders if there'll be a copyright battle brewing. The answer: Of course not. These are the kinds of centrist Democrats who can't even muster the conviction to battle with Bush, let alone with Martha. Plus, we hear Joe Lieberman always enjoys a good crafts project.