Natasha's roommate, Eric, had finally done it. He had truly crossed a line. He existed now beyond the pale, in a lawless wasteland populated by bandits, brutes, and bad, bad roommates. Natasha sings now, of his treachery, in an email forwarded to Gawker.

Florida authorities have arrested a trio of dental hygiene heisters, peridontal purloiners accused of stealing $3 million worth of electric toothbrushes and whitening strips from more than 60 retail stores.

Jessica Simpson does not brush her teeth. Like, ever. The Celebrity Industrial Complex thinks this is big news you want to know. Really, do we have nothing else to talk about?

In what looks like a bad Proactiv commercial, acoustic guitar plucks away as Jessica Simpson admits to not brushing her teeth. This is met with nervous laughter. She then repeats this fact. Again, more nervous laughter. What is going on?