After coming in a depressing fifth place in the New Hampshire primary this week, Marco Rubio is coming undone. Just look at him.

After her kids called her “the meanest mommy,” a Nebraska woman decided to show them who the meanest mommy really is: Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest. The woman allegedly made the boys watch the film while duct-taped into their chairs.

Widener University in Chester, PA has dug down deep to find tragedy within tragedy, an Inception of tragedy, for an art gallery exhibit opening this month. Here's what they came up with: There were twelve dogs on the Titanic. And nine of them died.

The internet portal with the most embarrassing name, Yahoo!, has launched a web app for visualizing its most popular headlines for various reader demographics. A recent survey of Yahoo's most popular stories for various age groups turned into a chilling tableau of American anxieties at every juncture of life.

Teonna Monae Brown—the Baltimore woman charged last week for a beating up a transgender McDonald's patron while a passive crowd made videos—may have been a repeat offender. The Smoking Gun reports that the 18-year-old had previously been arrested for punching a mother of two in the face, then beating her with an umbrella, then trying to rip out her hair, while friends attacked the lady's daughters. Just as ogres like to hide under bridges and terrorize passing billygoats, violent jerks apparently like to hang out at McDonald's and beat the snot out of strangers.

Sheyla Hershey—the dysmorphic damsel who went from having the world's largest breasts to no breasts at all when her KKK-cup implants nearly killed her—is currently in a coma after a deliberate drug overdose last night, her second suicide attempt in two months.

Three young men aged 15, 17, and 27 were hanging out at their usual spot, a railroad overpass in Commerce, California. They heard a train coming, so they moved to the opposite tracks. They didn't hear the other train coming.

Eighteen percent of Americans believe President Obama is a Muslim, according to a new poll. The same number of Americans have "had a ghostly experience." America: Where every fifth person is reliably crazy. (For the record, Obama is Hindu.)

When a liquor store wouldn't serve a man in Kadapa, India, he auctioned off his daughter to pay his tab. He got $21. When police found out, they (justifiably) beat him. The man who bought the child left her behind.

Good news: BP says that the siphoning tube is starting to work. Bad news: The spill is heading closer to a "loop current" that would pull it into the Atlantic Ocean and up the East Coast. [WSJ, AP, Getty]

The filmmakers behind Oscar-winning documentary The Cove stopped by Oprah today to discuss dolphin advocacy. Forced to trespass around the Japanese cove where the dolphin slaughter took place, the crew tells how they captured the horrifying footage shown here.

[It might have been sunny in New York today, but this is how the world should have looked on the most depressing day of the year. Image via Knicolai's Flickr]

Between a lava-and-ash explosion expected to ruin Christmas, the 57-person massacre perpetrated by elected officials, and the prison that lost nearly half its population to an epic jailbreak, the Philippines' year-end retrospectives may not be very fond. [AP]

Apparently Esquire's Tom Junod interviewed Carrie Underwood, but instead of printing a profile, they just listed a bunch of quotes under the headline "What I've Learned," and it's the most unintentionally depressing portrait-in-a-series-of-mosaic-like-glimpses ever.

We've all been there: that terrible time when the magic has gone and one realizes that they aren't really "in it to win it" anymore. If you need help deciding if your relationship is about to expire, watch this.