Retired Lt. Gen. William G. "Jerry" Boykin is not known for being sane. Famed as the Bush-era general who put a divine crusading spin on the Iraq War, Boykin is now a leader of the religious right who wants you to know Jesus loves the Second Amendment, literally, and wants to kill shit.

If your religion is apeshit racist ring-wingnut douchery with a side of tabloid pablum, WorldNetDaily is your online Jerusalem, pilgrim. Be sure to bring it a big offering, though: Google is blocking ads from popping up on the site over its obsession with "black mobs."

Have you heard of "gun nullification"? It's all the rage. Seriously, so hot. It's especially popular in these Southern states who've used nullification before to tell the federales to butt the hell out of their business. Back then, nullification protected slavery and Jim Crow. Now, it protects your Smith & Wesson.

James Taranto is what we in the journalism business, ensconced as we are in our industry lingo, call a "fucking moron." Yet, by virtue of his position as a tastemaker on the Wall Street Journal's op-ed pages, it's worth asking how he spelunked today into his latest, lowest muddy crevice of misogyny.

Scott Walker, the lazy-eyed Republican Wisconsin governor who doesn't care for unions but will always answer a big donor's call, got caught in an eensy lie today, when he insisted he'd voted for conservative hero Ronald Reagan, and forgot he was too young to vote for Reagan.

Sometimes you just gotta find a release, man. Like when your lady is going into labor and you're stuck in the hospital and everything's so crazy and just a couple hits could calm you down. Next time, though, spring for a better vaporizer.

Perhaps it was really a lesson on Beckett-like absurdism in our modern political culture. Perhaps it was just a moronic dipshit with 1.5 brain cells and a Radio Shack catalog. Whatever the explanation, the accidental boom in a suicide-bombing class made for good copy in today's Times:

Bad move: Republicans giving their new high-tech big data lab a warlike name that conjures images of a pistol once used by the Nazis. Worse move: Not registering all the domains that are logical iterations of that lab's name. The liberal operatives behind parabellumlabs.org thank you, Reince!

A few weeks ago, we warned you that a criminal was on the loose, and that he might be a cartoon. Well, the jokes on us: police caught the guy, and he turned out to be a real human! With lips and everything!

Texas is poised do away with its high-school Algebra II requirement, so that "school districts can better work with local employers to build curriculums that prepare high school graduates to move directly into high-paying jobs." Let's make students into cold-calling sales interns and call it "applied math"!

Two men wanted for a host of charges attempted to flee authorities in North Florida by paddling away on a river for hours. And they would have gotten away with it, too, if the cops hadn't gotten their hands on one of those cutting-edge, go-fast "motor" boats.

An elderly Florida man was arrested last week for allegedly masturbating to porn on a laptop in the front seat of his Mercedes, while parked at the local McDonald's.

Old-fart Floridians have found a new way to keep the damn kids off their lawn: Start a shooting range on it. It's totally legal, thanks to a little-known 1987 law that's recently been rediscovered by Beretta-toting bubbas.

A West Virginia man faces two counts of murder for killing a pair of men from a distance with a rifle after he wrongly assumed they were on his land. The victims, it turns out, were his new neighbors, checking out their property for the first time.

1,300 fine upstanding leaders of Arizona's Republicans got together in a Tempe church Saturday and declared war on their common enemy, a "disastrous and harmful" affront to "our values": Sen. John Sidney McCain III, USN-retired.

Rick Wilson, the AP photographer whose work was bogarted by George Zimmerman for the Florida man's new awful painting, has hired an attorney and is contemplating legal action. "You just can't do that," he says. "You just can't take somebody else's work and make it your own."

George Tsunis is rich. He raised a lot of money for Barack Obama and other Democrats. Barack Obama has nominated George Tsunis to be the U.S. ambassador to Norway. George Tsunis should have wiki'd Norway before testifying to the Senate.

Joshua Black is a Republican ex-street preacher running for a Tampa Bay-area seat in the Florida House. He loves to tweet and Facebook about his fantasy of executing the president for treason. With a noose, of course.

A pleasant winter day turned into a nightmare for two women in Lamar County, Texas, on Thursday when they were robbed at knifepoint in broad daylight. The bright side? They now have a piece of beautiful artwork to treasure.

"It's absurd that a country like that sends four lesbians to Russia just to demonstrate that in their country gay rights have (been established)," an Italian member of the International Olympic Committee says of the U.S. delegation for the upcoming Winter Olympics. Huh? What do you mean, "a country like that"?