What's a great way to get, say, the CEO of a major fossil-fuel energy corporation like Exxon Mobil and, oh, a former House conservative tea party leader to oppose fracking? Do it next to their vast Texas estates, natch.

FreedomWorks, the influential Tea Party political action committee, has fallen on hard times since its former chair Dick Armey staged a literal armed coup in an ultimately unsuccessful attempt to wrest control from president Matt Kibbe. It's a shame, too, because they were doing such good work—like making experimental films featuring a panda performing oral sex on Hillary Clinton!

In September, Dick Armey, the former Republican House Majority Leader, wanted to re-assert control of FreedomWorks, the influential Tea Party political action group of which he was chair. So he did what any old, paranoid Republican would do: he brought a guy with a handgun in to fire everyone.

Tea Party groups are pretty worried about their newly elected stars going to Washington and immediately becoming corrupt spineless hacks. So they're hosting their own orientations, to school these incoming freshmen properly. And the inter-Tea Party competition is fierce!