Stem cells! Brain map! Wheel bike! Spider talk! Hot weather! New planets! Fault lines! And what do “certain” scientists do for a living, anyhow? It’s your Thursday Science Watch, where we watch science—for pure profit!

Last week, the U.S. Attorney in Manhattan, Preet Bharara, filed a civil forfeiture complaint to take possession of a stolen dinosaur skull that a rogue paleontologist had smuggled into the United States from Mongolia and sold to a gallery where it was apparently won at auction by Nicolas Cage.

Some humans spend a lifetime waiting to be discovered. Dinosaurs spend millions of years waiting to be discovered, like “Eva,” the dino recently pieced together by a team of Colorado-based paleontologists, CNN reports.

Remember how Prince went from being Prince to the Artist Formerly Known as Prince (aka that symbol thing) to the artist formerly known as the Artist Formerly Known as Prince (i.e. back to just Prince)? Same thing just happened to the brontosaurus — brontos are back and they're ready to rock the Super Bowl!

North Carolina State Police are on the hunt for two twentysomethings with an apparent affinity for fake, expensive dinosaurs. The couple can be seen in security footage from the North Carolina Museum of Natural Sciences in Raleigh jumping a barrier, snatching the $10,000 Edmontosaurus hatchling replica, and running off with it in a bag.

Scientists in Argentina have uncovered the bones of a creature believed to be the world's biggest dinosaur. The big guy would have weighed 77 metric tons, seven heavier than the previous record holder, the Argentinosaurus. Truly a sad day to be the ghost of an Argentinosaurus.

Talk about "something old": Photographer Quinn Miller was hanging out in St. Francisville, Louisiana, with the Lowder bridal party, just enjoying the beautiful day, when all of a sudden — Interrupting T-rex.

Dinosaurs!

Do you have questions about gravity? Have you thought about why nothing REALLY big exists today in nature? Have you ever wondered how 30-foot leather birds were once able to fly? If so, today is your lucky day because Jose Canseco, the world's best Twitter user, has taken to the internet to explain his fascinating theories about gravity, dinosaurs and giant birds.

Eric Prokopi, a rare fossils dealer from Florida, is throwing a tantrum because the U.S. government took away his dinosaur skeleton. The skeleton - a Tyrannosaurus bataar that's nicknamed Ty - technically belongs to Mongolia, where the bones were found. Naturally, Prokopi is whining about all this.

Remember that awesome tyrannosaur skeleton you made all those great plans for last week? It was sold this weekend for over $1 million to an anonymous bidder (you?). Also, the president of Mongolia is claiming it was stolen.

This Sunday, a New York auction house is offering up the perfect gift for the eccentric billionaire in your life: a complete skeleton of a Tyrannosaurus bataaris, an equally tyrannical Asian cousin of the North American T. rex, (according to LiveScience).

The Journal of the American Chemical Society sent out a press release today that, in addition to being wildly speculative, is also ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING OH GOD.

A team of Chinese and Canadian scientists announced on Wednesday that farmers had discovered a new species of dinosaur as big as a T-rex, covered in feathers, in a small quarry in northeast China. The dinosaurs, found in a pack of three, are the largest feathered animal ever discovered – alive or extinct.

Chimp research! Bird safety! Nemo extinction! Raptor claws! Rat acid! Alkali oceans! Lemur meat! Dolphin jetpack! And real talk words of wisdom about our current chemistry debates! It's your Thursday Science Watch, where we watch science—with compassion!

A hearty congratulations to the paleontologists of Britain's Natural History Museum, who have just discovered a new species of dinosaur! And in what exotic location did they uncover its bones? The wild Gobi desert? The harsh terrain of the Badlands? No! No, they found it in the fucking basement.

The latest from deranged luxury goods craftsman Stuart Hughes: a solid gold iPad 2 that is studded with 65 flawless diamonds, framed with prehistoric mollusk fossils, and inlaid with shards from the thigh bone of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Asking price is $8 million.

Magnetic senses! Big dinosaurs! Old paint! Inca takeovers! Black Death! Silk age! Restless volcano! Polar maps! And a wondrous universe of abundant carbon atoms! It's your Thursday Science Watch, where we watch science—with gravitas!

The key question with dinosaurs, as with so many things, is "How can I have sex with them?" With the help of Slate's Explainer column, we've constructed a step-by-step guide.

It turns out Tyrannosaurus rex, the big, dumb badass of the Cretaceous Period, had a shorter cousin. Palaeontologists have identified the skull and jaw bones of a newly discovered breed they're calling Zhuchengtyrannus magnus—which is Latin for "Tyrant from Zhucheng," the Chinese province where the fossils were found.