Failure may be an orphan, but McCain campaign veterans seem to be doing their best to pin blame for defeat on their MAVERICK VP choice Sarah Palin. Fox News Channel political correspondent Carl Cameron today disclosed the first of what he predicts will be an "avalanche" of unflattering stories about the Republican vice presidential nominee: Off-the-record tips from McCain aides that Palin did not know Africa was a continent or the constituent countries in the NAFTA treaty. He later told Bill O'Reilly Palin didn't know the constituent nations of North America, either. More damning, from a campaign perspective?

What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up, like Lorraine Hansberry? Or does it put on hideous clothing and affect sad little mannerisms and appear on a bargain basement reality show shot in Tyra Banks' basement starring a blonde hobo lady all gussied up and uncomfortable in fancy clothes? Well, that's what happened to eight or nine fashion wannabes who flounced their way through The CW's second episode of the tremendously silly and kinda boring fashion magazine editor competition show Stylista last night. Yeah, I watched the damn thing again. If you did too, or if you're just morbidly curious, sally forth with me after the jump for the minutes from this screechy meeting of the Sadness Club. Umm... let's see. Where to start. Oh, everyone was awful. The first competition, the Assistant's Challenge, was to go to Elle's 'style closet' (I'm convinced it was not the real one, it was tiny) and put together an ensemble for an unforgiving mannequin. The clothes had to be selected using various fancy fashion terms, like "darting" and "empire waist" and "not ugly." Pretty much the only ones to not tragically fail were sassy (read: black) front-runner Ashlie (Ashlee? Ashley? Ashleigh? Veronica? Susan? Harper's Bazaar? Destin, Florida?) and Megan, the queen bitch with the weird muddled chin. As usual, the big-breastuhted Kate embarrassed herself by sucking on some helium and then going into a "shanti! shanti! shanti!" trance and wrapping the mannequin in swatches cut from neon hot air balloons. Then she knocked the mannequin to the ground and stood awkwardly, slowly farting. I imagine. Oh and Anne Slowey was all "I think she got dressed... on craaack" and I wanted to slap her because saying something or someone is "on crack" stopped being funny about ten years ago. So Megan won the challenge and acted silly about acting bitchy—she does this thing in the solo interviews where she cocks one arm up, like this without the cigarette and it's like she practiced in the mirror how to pose while being evil—and assigned Ashlie (Tiffany? Cranberry Walnut?) to a shitty team. Back at the pad, the two titans clashed about how they don't like each other and Ashlie called Megan the devil's handmaiden and somewhere in New Orleans' Garden District Anne Rice was like "awww yeah, new book title y'all!" The other terrible, horrible, no good, very bad thing that happened back at the house was that Danielle, the poor lone overweight girl in the house, was filmed eating in every scene. Like it was either a sad part of her obesity or the producers were just being really cruel. And I felt really bad—almost bad enough to pour out my rosé and turn off the TV and go to bed! Almost!—and hoped she'd do well the next day, because she seems like a sweet lady. And she did do well! The Editors Challenge was to go to a mysterious, ching-chongy, probably murderous, far East land called 'Chinatown' and find a hidden gem for white ladies who live in Danbury. You know, like a wedding shop (team fattie! Sorry), a super chinky tea shop! (TEAM LOSE, MEGAN. SUCK IT), and a spa (secret front for hookers? of course! it's Chinatown!!!!!) They had to get a story on the place plus photographs then, of course, put together a one-page layout. Everyone was fighting and bellowing at each other as they all desperately realized that literally no one in the room had any talent or ability for this whatsoever, so yelling seemed like the only option. Like kids in a bad school play. YELLING MY LINES ABOUT THINGS!!!!! LA LA LA. Then poor Gay Dude began getting hives and having a panic attack. Like a srs panic attack that left him moaning and writhing on the floor. Oddly I too was moaning and writhing on the floor at this point, mostly because I was out of wine and the store was closed. But! Both we noble spirits soldiered on and I ended up staying up to watch something more edifying (Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning), and Gay Dude ended up going home. He got the ol' hives-ho. hahhahahahahahaha. Team Token Sad Fattie won and I was happy. The only important thing about this show, really, is that Anne Slowey, despite being the Countess du Elle, cannot. walk. in. a. damn. pair. of. heels. She teeters and galoompfs and leans back on her haunches and like leads with her center of gravity to stay upright. It's spectacularly dumb and embarrassing for everyone involved. It's like the editor of Cat Fancy being allergic. But for some reason, Anne wanted to be on the show. Maybe it was her dream, to one day be on television. And was it realized, or did it fester like a sore, and then run? The show certainly festers like a sore and I fear I may run away from it. Or will I just explode?

The CW, having had some marginal success with their insanely awful 90210 brand rape, have decided to plow on ahead and update the next 90's Fox show produced by Aaron Spelling. No, not Models, Inc., sadly. It's that show about a group of beautiful youngish people who all live around the same swimming pool, Melrose Place! Yes Amanda and Billy and the gay one and, um, the rest of 'em might become a new and updated series. They'll still blow up apartment buildings and try to kill each other, but now they'll do it by using the internet. [AP]

[Former person Michael Jackson shopping in Los Angeles yesterday; image via INF]

As we briefly mentioned earlier, poor formerly-drug-addled actress Lindsay Lohan has seen her role on hit-ish ABC dramedy Ugly Betty cut from six episodes to four. And, in fact, E! reports that Lohan will also be cut out of the episodes she's already filmed, as "she was not so interested in creating a character." Yikes. Word is, she was an unpleasant, chain-smoking, diva on set, especially toward the show's star, America Ferrera. Lindsay was pissy and lazy and demanding and the two butted heads, all culminating when it came time to film a big pantsing scence. Yes, pantsing. Reports Page Six:

From the Department of ZOMG: There is a preview online for the new Whitney Port reality show The City! As I'm sure you're all well aware, Port is the strange, saturnine sidekick to Lauren Conrad on MTV's sideways-spilling, late afternoon sunsplash Los Angeles reality show The Hills. Now Whittles is moving to the Big Apple (that's New York City!) to pursue her dreams of being paid to talk about fashions. Judging from the elegantly produced preview, the show will feature: work intrigue, personal intrigue, lots of great Whitney facial expressions (the Cow Eye, the Bulge Buster, the Battle Toad), socialite of sorts Olivia Palermo, the fearsome and scrumtrulescent Kelly Cutrone, and the most awkward lingering kiss/hug of all time. Are you so excited??? Yeah, me neither. Watch the clip above.

Republican presidential nominee John McCain finally made a much-belated appearance on Late Night with David Letterman last night, and he doddered his way through with his "legendary" sense of humor. He's like a grampa making silly jokes at your miserable family birthday party! And it's not just what comes out of his mouth that's funny, it's what he makes his face do—intentionally or not. Our videographer Richard Blakeley has sifted through dozens of photographs and video stills and found the best of McCain's crazy facial expressions. Some say he's on Adderall, others that he's just a weird, bemusing old dude who isn't quite spring chicken enough for the highest office in the land. We just think he makes funny faces. Take a look at the photos after the jump and decide for yourself.

Poor reality show also-ran Rocco DiSpirito. The "celebrity chef," who used to date New York gossip maven Deb Schoeneman (best friend of Gawker profiler Vanessa Grigoriadis! circles!), has had to watch not only his TV show but also his restaurant fail with the NBC reality mess The Restaurant, and has recently been relegated to shilling frozen dinners, concocting failed television shows starring himself, and being a smug judge on Top Chef. His latest public shaming involved shimmying in pink ruffled costumery as a contestant on Last Exit to Hollywood competition show Dancing With the Stars. And the poor fella got voted off last night, defeated by feisty old clam Cloris Leachman, who is 82. Clip of the sad event after the jump.

Apparently there's some sort of political "debate" tonight in which a crazy man from Delaware is going to be yelling at the young and clueless child bride of a Russian fur trader. Yes, Joe Biden is debating Sarah Palin tonight—winner gets the most meaningless job in politics. And now, like Rose La Touche hosting the Lincoln-Douglas debates, self-appointed socialite and heiress Emily Brill—operator of the most meaningless blog in politics, Essentially Emily—is hosting a "strictly uptown" live-blogging debate event. No sneakers! You're probably not invited, because it's seriously exclusive, but the invitation is after the jump anyway: Oh, and Update: In a brand new post! Ms. Brill discusses her invite-only soiree with her aspirating "readership" and asks the very, very important question: "ESSENTIALLY ASKING: what do you want to know about my friends’ political views?" To which the only response is: "Abso-fucking-lutely nothing." No, but seriously: "go ahead, ask away! they might just answer for themselves tonight. holla!"

Sarah Palin spent some more time with Katie Couric, her new undermining roommate, who seems to have accumulated like 20 months worth of interview material, all of it horrifically damaging to the Republican vice presidential nominee. This time around, Palin couldn't name any newspapers or magazines she regularly reads, except for "all of them," which she clarified to mean whatever four-year-old copy of U.S. News she finds in the waiting room at her dentist's office. Then she didn't know what the morning after pill was. Katie was like, "whatever, I'm so out of here." Then Palin said she "loved" her lesbian friend, and Katie got excited again, about seeing Palin naked and "unfiltered" at the big debate. When will Palin finally vote Couric out of her sorority house and end this embarrassment? Cringe for her in the attached clip (click the video icon to watch).

Sarah Palin just keeps going back for more car-wreck interviews with Katie Couric. After forecasting a possible Great Depression and saying something indecipherable about her state's relations with Russia, the Republican vice presidential nominee reportedly went silent when called on to name Supreme Court cases other than Roe V. Wade. Also, in the attached clip, Palin and John McCain both implausibly try to blame "gotcha journalism" for reporting on Palin's support for cross-border raids into Pakistan, a position shared by Barack Obama and attacked by McCain during the presidential debate. (Click the video icon to watch.) Now, Politico reports, the Republican ticket is pulling Palin back to the safer waters of right-wing talk radio. Putting McCain's popular-but-inexperienced running mate in front of more TV cameras was a calculated gamble by the campaign to broaden her appeal. It's now safe to say that it failed.

With the news that fashion design reality fave Project Runway may not be airing on its new network, Lifetime, any time soon (because of a lawsuit between its current network, Bravo, their owner, NBC, and the Weinstein company, which produces the show), some may be wondering what the hell does this mean for the show. But I suspect that, like me, many of you have kind of stopped caring. Because the show has been pretty lackluster so far this season, and whenever the next iteration (the sixth go around) it's going to be on a crappier network and shot in Los Angeles, of all places. So really, NBC and Weinstein Company may be brattily fighting over a toy that's already been broken. The lawsuit—filed by NBC/Universal, who say that TWC violated a first right of refusal agreement when they decided to switch to Lifetime—is only dredging up the uglier, more commercial side of the show, indicating that the product placement-crazed Weinstein Company (and implicitly its fearsome old leader, Harvey Weinstein) would have the cast members dressed up in NASCAR-esque sponsored jumpsuits if they could. There was something magical (like the Magical Elves, the show's talented production team, who won't follow the show to Lifetime) about the first few seasons. Here was a supremely entertaining show with enjoyable hosts and judges, that was also about actual talent, and that rewarded creativity and innovative thinking. Sure there was some producer tinkering (Wendy Pepper beats Austin Scarlett?), but for the most part the show held up a banner of integrity. It won a Peabody, for God's sake! Which makes it so depressing to watch it slide into disrepair this season, with a questionably talented and too self-aware group of contestants and tired old challenges and obviously angry and frustrated judges. Bravo may have given up on this one because, heck, they were losing the show anyway, but it makes you wonder then why NBC is fighting so bitterly for it to return. The show isn't exactly fresh or new, it's six seasons old after all, with the sullied brand to show for it. Top Chef could be a serviceable (and younger) flagship show replacement for Bravo, right? Just let the grumpy old Weinstein Company ruin their show (incongruous location, new production team) and cram it into Lifetime's dim, uninteresting programming schedule. They'll basically hang themselves with their own taffeta rope. This is probably the last season of Project Runway that I'll be watching, and I don't think I'm alone in that. Sure next season, whenever the hell it happens, will have Tim and Heidi and Michael and Nina and all that, but after all this bickering and tinkering and product placement and drama, I just doubt that anyone involved is going to feel that, in the end, the juice was worth the squeeze.

While news outlets are churning out Top Story after Top Story right now, regular network television is being woefully ignored. Indeed the economy is not the only thing plummeting into a seemingly bottomless pit whose nadir is nothing less than the icy waters of the river Styx. Television is also epic failing all over the place, as evidenced by last night's ratings. Every Thursday night show (the busiest night for TV)—every show!—that had its season premiere last night, dropped, some precipitously, from last year's premiere numbers. Grey's Anatomy fell 18%, Ugly Betty 15%, and ER a "ruh roh" 20%. The Office slipped only 6%. But still. Every single show was down! That is not good news. Maybe the writers strike really did ruin television for good. Or maybe it's that people are preoccupied with the catastrophic news stories that dominate the public conversation. I didn't even know that The Office was premiering last night until my TV told me so. Plus, with the circus of the election, I'm sure many more people were either tuned into Maddow or O'Reilly or whoever the hell else, or were avoiding the TV entirely. Though, The Office was still kinda great. I'm going to gush a bit. The rain! And the rest stop! And the smiles and hugs and kisses! Oh Jim and Pam, I'm so happy for you. Though, knowing how these sorts of things work, that cute guy from Mad Men who Pam made friends with at Pratt is going to be some sort of thorn in a side. I just hope they don't go too overboard and like have them break off the engagement or something. Also, I was glad that Phyllis and Stanley got a lot of airtime last night, and actually felt very sad for poor Andy Bernard. And Amy Ryan is adorable. OK, gush over. Back to gloom. TV's dead.

Not only did John McCain ditch Late Show host David Letterman for Katie Couric and mislead him about it, it turns out the Republican presidential nominee spent the entire night in New York and didn't fly to DC until the next morning. So, in a reprise of last night, Letterman will spend a good chunk of his show this evening bashing the Arizona senator. "The economy just barely held on long enough for him to get back" to DC, Letterman joked. As theatrical as the Letterman-McCain feud has become, Letterman could probably score more points talking about the $700 billion banking bailout than about the mechanics of late-night TV booking. Here's to hoping that, when the full show airs, he does. (Click the video icon to watch some excerpts.)

Somehow, YouTube already has a copy of David Letterman tonight lacerating John McCain for skipping the Late Show and suspending his campaign in the midst of the Wall Street meltdown. As reported earlier by Drudge, Letterman became especially upset when he caught the Republican presidential nominee in a live feed from New York being interviewed by his own network's Katie Couric. McCain had personally told Letterman he was canceling because he was headed back to the capital to handle the financial crisis. Whoops.

Radar took the plunge into the dark, wailing world of Clay Aiken messageboarders today to procure a soil sample of the newly openly gay singer's bedrock fan base. They found reactions running the full gamut of the Kubler-Ross cycle, from bitter denial ("Believe if you want, I just know that nothing is true unless it is printed in the fan club") to glorious acceptance ("Clay is still the same talented singer I saw on AI2 five years ago. Nothing for me has changed. The baby is adorable.") Heartened by Radar's bravery, we dove in ourselves and found a few other choice voices of ClayNation to share with you, and we managed to rustle up the first page of the People interview: from Holmes24 (most likely Anna from Jezebel):

[NYDN. Click to enlarge]

Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star? We do, we do. And I guess he do too, sorta. The Police Academy star's bizarre resurgence into the public eye—complete with horribly embarrassing interviews, sign carrying antics, and Brad Pitt-bashing—rumbles on. Last night he made an appearance at a show at the Upright Citizens Brigade theatre, wearing a dress. The question on our minds is, while he seems totally complicit in this "The Gute as laughable punching bag" meme, is he aware of just how much of a joke it actually is? I mean, this is either really funny or really sad. Like so many things in life. Maybe it doesn't matter either way, though. According to BWE, he seems happy:

Actor Ryan O'Neal and his son Redmond were both arrested for drug possession this morning, the LA Times reports. A vial of meth was found in the Love Story star's bedroom, while the drug was found on his 24-year-old son's (his mother his actress Farrah Fawcett) person. The family that gets arrested for drugs together... Sadly this isn't the first drug-related arrest for the family this year. Ryan's daughter Tatum, with whom he costarred in the Depression-era con artist film Paper Moon, was nabbed back in June while trying to buy crack cocaine on a New York City street. Sigh. And Redmond has a history of heroin problems and Ryan was arrested last year after he accidentally fired a gun while fighting with another son:

Proving once and for all that no one should ever, under any circumstances, allow Perez Hilton anywhere near themselves, the suspiciously slimmed-down celebrity blogger was on the Howard Stern radio program this morning giving some dirty dish about musician of sorts John Mayer. Mrs. Hilton revealed that Mayer, who he maybe made out with once, liked to have buttsex with his old girlfriend, ass-slipper Jessica Simpson. Oh, and that he enjoys "water sports." So, ew. It's funny that Hilton didn't mention this on his site, but freely discussed it on the radio. Huh. I guess this also proves that talk radio, against the internet's best efforts, remains our vilest medium.