Zac Efron's holiday decorations are a decidedly grownups-only affair, his tree festively adorned with inflatable party sheep and a fine misting of pudenda glitter—but if there's children around, perhaps this ornament is more appropriate.

• The bloodletting at CBS is underway. [THR]
• Macmillan Publishing and FSG are both trimming staff. [AP, NYO]
• Ad spending for the first nine months of this year fell 1.7 percent. [WWD]
• Katie Couric, Campbell Brown, and Rachel Maddow will appear in the next issue of Vogue. [TVN]
• Sean Hannity's Alan Colmes-less show begins January 12th. [NYT]
• The Disney Channel is taking its act to Russia next year. [NYT]
• The most amusing corrections published this year. [Regret the Error]

Despite our best efforts to the contrary by having a Vons worker plunge an inoculation into our arm, we doubt we'll avoid the awards fever epidemic that hits our area this time of year. And how can we not, when historical precedent is being set: That's right. The Los Angeles Critics Association—voting via touchscreen from their Barcalounger hovercraft—have declared that Disney-PIXAR's WALL-E has succeeded in capturing their plaque-encrusted hearts. It's the first animated film in history to receive such an honor, yet didn't quite make the grade when placed against its peers in the Best Animated Film category. (That honor went to Israel's Waltz With Bashir.) If their decision seems unusual, it's not without precedent, as THR points out the group did something similar in 2000 when it gave Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon its top overall honors, but recognized Magical Flying Bamboo Warriors in the Best Kung-Fu Movie That Played Fast and Loose with the Laws of Physics category.

Because not quite enough of your childhood dreams have been throttled and trampled by culture's unending descent into l'inferno, Paris Hilton would like to be Tinkerbell in a new movie. Yes! She's heavily lobbying for the lead in a Disney project about what would happen if the Peter Pan fairy's life got flipped turned upside down and she ended up a real girl. It's a neat idea, mostly because it's never been done before. (This also seems somewhat related, but it's really not). Page Six seems to think that Disney is actually considering hiring Hilton—who got undeserved "she's a comedic actress!" praise for her stupid election-season internet video (can we please retire the phrase "bitches" from the Funny lexicon?). Now why on earth would Disney do that?

If Chinese viewers want to watch Disney's Hannah Montana — no accounting for global tastes — they can do so on 56.com, an online-video site akin to YouTube. The show is pirated. But does Disney really mind? Its startup-investment arm, Steamboat Ventures, put money into 56.com two years ago.Eric Garland, CEO of an online piracy research firm, told the Wall Street Journal Disney's investment in 56.com is "ironic" and "shocking." John Ball, Steamboat's managing director, says the company invested in part to help 56.com curb pirated videos. But 56.com is just one of six Chinese companies in Steamboat's portfolio, all of which aim to distribute movies and videogames online. And that's the dirty secret of Disney and other media companies. They don't ultimately care about shows like Hannah Montana. What matters is their channels of distribution, through which such evanescent fare courses — and 56.com promises to be another one. Viacom isn't suing YouTube for $1 billion because it's upset about piracy. It's upset about piracy happening on a channel it doesn't own.

The recently released poster for the Jonas Brothers' upcoming concert movie — otherwise referred to as Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience — has been the subject of intense scrutiny and debate today around Defamer HQ. On one hand, its undercurrents of everything from purity-ringed privilege to downmarket Beatlemania convey just the kind of "phenomenon" vibe Disney intends. On the other, you've got three kids dressed like bums with expensive luggage crowding into a puddle-jumper. For now, anyway, critical mass wins out; here's a case to be made for the latter.1. Find Joe Jonas a comb. Easily the best-looking of the three, Joe is nevertheless pinned at the top of the steps, 15 yards from the camera with his hair blowing in his face. If Kevin called "front" on the basis of seniority, fine, but at least mix in some Photoshop and give us the cute one, too. 2. Commission a live-performance shot. We know these guys don't play live that often, have few fans and are underphotographed in general, but Disney should consider promoting their concert film with an actual image of the boys performing. Think U2 Rattle and Hum or Eddie Murphy Raw. ESPECIALLY Eddie Murphy Raw. 3. Get a real plane. Just because the Jonas Brothers are tiny little things who travel without groupies doesn't mean they have to squeeze into their little brother's discarded toy Gulfstream. Take Led Zeppelin for example — remember the Starship, on which they traveled during their 1973 and 1975 tours? That was a rock n' roll plane.

The odds that you remember the drunken, depraved glories of your employer's past holiday parties are virtually nil, so most of Hollywood shouldn't be too upset today to hear how the recession-to-be is affecting this year's big industry fetes. Variety reports that Disney and Viacom won't be celebrating at all, while other studios are scaling back their own events and even awards-season premieres to the extent their needy talent will allow. And if the global economic meltdown didn't feel like a crisis before, wait until you hear how the caterers will be hit:

The Village Voice has gotten a good look at Disney's new straight-to-DVD Tinker Bell (now in 3-D with speaking capabilities!), and declares the 2008 version of the spritely heroine—the original of whom is wrongly rumored to be modeled on Marilyn Monroe—to be a platitudinous pixie snore. They also find her extremely "sexy/creepy...a chubby-cheeked, slightly infantilized adolescent with the body of a grown woman. She sports the skimpiest dress in the movie."Tinker Bell isn't traditionally the first Disney starlet one's mind wanders to when hoping to be aroused by hand-drawn family entertainment. She's not Ariel, glistening with salt water in a revealing oysterkini top. She's not the gorgeous Esmeralda—the Demi Moore-voiced Hunchback of Notre Dame gypsy enchantress who seduced the deformed gonger with one bat of her emerald eyes. She's not Pocahontas, Mulan, Jasmine, or Belle, either. What is she, anyway? Is she a child? A grown woman? Would she fly up your pants in a darkened theater? And—perhaps most of all—what is it that makes her first-ever broadcast interview with GMA's Chris Cuomo so deeply unsettling? Probably their sexy/creepy chemistry. Jeez, get a room or take it behind the Wishing Tree, will you guys, already?

Jesus Christ, while you weren't paying attention Disney has been busy insinuating itself into every niche of your consumer lifestyle. Do you consider yourself a fashionable person with fancy urban tastes who would never be caught dead wearing the winking Goofy sweatshirts and Tinkerbell baby-tees that are so popular in America at large? Better check your labels. Disney is determined to be included in your style, at all costs! The Death Star-like company is branching out, launching "exclusive" fashion lines that are only sold at upscale stores, home furnishings, and other products designed not for those people who love Mickey Mouse. Repeat: you may own a Disney product that does not have Mickey Mouse on it.

The big weekend box office for High School Musical 3 proves that Disney knows not to mess with a winning thing, and why should it? The series's profitable formula (40% Bollywood chastity, 35% 'N Sync b-sides, and 25% total gayness) has paid off in spades. Perhaps, then, the threat of tinkering with this equation was what Disney had in mind when they cut what was apparently a Zac Efron-led musical sequence in a boys' group shower (!), the existence of which came to light after an Ebay seller included pictures of the number in a cache of HSM3 photos. What cinematic contribution to homoerotica was lost when a cruel executive axed "Lather Up, Y'all"? Gaze upon the additional pictures after the jump, and muse upon what might have been.

Disney's back-ordered fleet of Brinks trucks had better arrive soon: High School Musical 3: Senior Year is tracking for a $38 million opening weekend, with Beverly Hills Chihuahua anticipating another $6 million in its fourth week of release. Those grosses would likely land the all-ages tandem together in the Top 5 at the box office — the first time two non-Pixar Disney titles have shared that space since 1994. Useless trivia? We think not — and we aren't alone.Nikki Finke has her own interesting read this morning, pointing to the even rarer phenomenon of a cable movie franchise so lucratively crossing over to the multiplex. Series are one thing, and rarely a lock themselves (Disney only had a Hannah Montana blockbuster at the ready because it brought cameras on tour with Miley Cyrus), but we'll buy lunch at the Grill for the first reader who can name a made-for-TV feature that spawned a theatrical No. 1. (Opposite another cash cow like Saw 5, no less.) And then s/he can buy us a life. We'll have more fearless predictions tomorrow in our Defamer Attractions column, but in the meantime, expect Disney to have greenlighted Camp Rock 3D: Escape of the Jonases for IMAX by the the time you finish reading this sentence.

She may have lost her hot fudge virginity recently to a towering ice cream sundae, but Miley Cyrus swears she has yet to round the real bases with her underwear model boyfriend, Justin Gaston. (Which reminds us of that old joke: Q. What's the difference between regular male models and underwear models? A. Ball separators!) All that isn't to say she hasn't been fully supportive of his career, however, clapping wildly as her man struts down the runway, showing off the latest advancements in 2(x)ist's proprietary JunkFlex™ technology. But according to some eyewitnesses at a recent LA Fashion Week event, Cyrus got a little carried away, exposing her tongue suggestively (see photo) and plotting a hot night of bible-passage-exchange with her beau following the show. Page Six reports:

Click to viewBoomp3.com Another day, another Mileuary celebration for Disney mega star Miley Cyrus at West Hollywood sweet spot, Millions of Shakes. Mileuary is a month long celebration of all things Miley including a party at Disneyland and trips to the local ice cream parlor. Cyrus believes that she has planned one heck of a party on which to end Mileuary. Cyrus said, “I rented out the club Rage for the final event and we’re going to go off like no other. Milkshakes for everybody in West Hollywood that night. Drink it up.” [Photo Credit: X17] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

In Johnny Depp, Disney found an unlikely Mickey messiah. His once-dicey-seeming turn as a scenery-chewing eyeliner junkie was a risk worth taking, it turned out, and it wasn't long before Pirates of the Caribbean's staggering grosses had execs' eyeballs rolling back into their heads, replaced by spinning gold bullion. Resisting the urge to stuff their single biggest revenue generator into a chest and throw away the key until Depp had completed filming on Pirates 4 through 18, the company instead lay out a buffet of properties and encouraged the actor to help himself—and he did, committing to parts like the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland; The Lone Ranger's sidekick Tonto; and, in his biggest stretch to date, the titular transportation device of Jerry Bruckheimer's thrilling Monorail: The Motion Picture. Still, we haven't yet seen the last of Captain Jack Sparrow, a role Depp is reportedly revisiting for a $56 million paycheck. From the Daily Mail:

We said it once, but it bears repeating in streets and valleys far and wide: It's opening day for Beverly Hills Chihuahua! ZOMG, right? At least we thought so, but despite our all-consuming anticipation and lobbying on its behalf, Defamer's fevered attempts to break down the Disney wall for an early viewing were met with repeated, unappreciative radio silence. And because the world's first review — a rave, natch — seemed suspiciously exempt from the studio's embargo, it's only now that we can reliably study the critical spectrum. And just as we thought: It's almost half-good! Or, more realistically, the reviews catalogued at Rotten Tomatoes are just about split, but that can't deter our optimism — even the slags after the jump have us clamoring for quitting time:

Click to viewBoomp3.com Embattled Disney tween mega star Miley Cyrus proved to the world that she has nothing up her sleeves nor any intention of pulling a practical joke on nearby civilians. Its been rumored that Hannah Montana has been tormenting the sleepy Toluca Lake community with a wave of ding dong ditches and late night Huffy bicycle races. Yet Cyrus remained steadfast in denial of being involved in any shenanigans. Cyrus said, “That wasn’t me, y’all. I’m just too busy to ding dong ditch somebody unless it was that cranky old Mr. Cruthers. He’s soooo weird. Okay, I ding dong ditched his house, but that was it.” [Photo Credit: INF Daily] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

With infidel Mickey Mouse still in hiding after last week's death-sentence fatwa, Disney appears to be rolling the dice on a bold rebranding of sorts. Behold — Disney Depp (née Johnny), whose anchoring of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise yielded yesterday's news of not only Pirates 4, but also the star's attachment as Tim Burton's Mad Hatter in a live-action Alice in Wonderland and as Tonto in a revival of The Lone Ranger. The announcement was made Wednesday in Disney's marathon State of the Mouse Biennial, putting its jittery investors at ease, its fans in an uproar and the press into some kind of overwhelmed coma. Johhny Depp? As Tonto? In Josh Groban's incredulous words, "Really?!"Yes, really:

♦ John McCain canceled his appearance on CBS's Late Show with David Letterman tonight; Keith Olbermann will fill in instead. [HuffPo]
♦ The best (and worst) fall TV show ads. [THR]
♦ The end of the Sun is drawing near; the last paper may be published on Monday. [Gawker]
♦ NBC's Nightly News gained viewers in 2007-08; ABC and CBS both experienced declines. [TV Decoder]
♦ Did Harper's Bazaar photoshop its October cover featuring Kirsten Dunst? [WWD]
♦ Oprah Winfrey will lend her voice to the upcoming Disney flick The Princess and the Frog. [THR]
♦ Ad spending declined by 1.6% in the first half of 2008. [AdAge]
♦ Bret Easton Ellis' American Psycho is coming to Broadway. [Variety]
♦ Meet the oldest working reporter in the country. [E&P]

For many girls, turning sixteen is a landmark event that signals the end of being a kid and the onset of new, adult behavior. Why, just check out how tween queen Miley Cyrus is preparing for the occasion: she's kissing girls, eating her clothes off, dating an underwear model, and ready to party with thousands of her favorite gays! There's only one inconvenient reminder of her childhood left: her Disney hit Hannah Montana, which TMZ says Cyrus is keen to leave behind by any means necessary:

Click to viewBoomp3.com Underwear model/country crooner Justin Gatson thought his budding relationship with teen megastar Miley Cyrus hit a stumbling block after receiving the dreaded 'peace out.' Gatson assumed that things were going well despite their slight age gap, and they had some fun times like going to CityWalk, Old Towne Pasadena and FroYo. Cyrus turned around and said, “I’m not peaceing out on us. I’m peaceing out because I’m not allowed to stay out past 11 or eat anything or get wet. It’s like that movie, Gremlins. We’re awesome though. It’s just that I need to go home.” [Photo Credit: X17] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.