These days, of course, Sundance is less a film festival than a promotional platform for marketers such as Anheuser-Busch that burnish themselves by association with celebrities. Or, as 5WPR chief and Joe Francis supporter Ronn Torossian boasted this week on his blog: "All of our partner brands receiving tremendous influencer relations." So how does the self-important New York publicist work his PR magic? With Kim Kardashian in a condom-dispensing photo booth. Lifestyles is a client. Kim Kardassian is somebody. And Complex Magazine undoubtedly endeared itself to its cool kid readers by cosponsoring the 5W party where the Hilton sisters danced on tables while watching DJ AM spin, a scene Ronn describes as "like watching Michael Jordan play basketball I suppose." Classy!

Everyone knows that Marc Jacobs is the only show of fashion week that really matters. But why does it matter, and was it good—and what were those gardening gloves about? To find out, we woke up fashion expert Alice Wetterlund, a part-time model and goddess of working in retail.

· How does that funny little turntable-pawing dude pull so much high-end tail? This ABC News investigative report tries to get to the bottom of the DJ AM mystery, hoping to come up with a more satisfying answer than "has a great blow connection."
· Paula Abdul: Life Judge.
· Teri Polo's publicist deserves a raise for making us remember who she is.
· Your guide to this year's Superbowl ads.
· Blogger Paul Davidson has seen Vanna White without make-up, and he'll never be the same again.

• The latest Paris Hilton nip slip: staged or no? Or who cares? [Egotastic]
  

• The reports from New Year's in Miami are predictable: Lohan hospitalized, Mischa Barton and Cisco Adler fight over Mr. Bongjangles, Vin Diesel acts hetero, and Nicole Richie awkwardly poses for "promotional purposes" with ex-fiancé DJ AM. What, exactly, were they promoting? The dangers of celebrity engagements? [Page Six]
• Enrique Iglesias spent New Year's entertaining the sons of Libyan dictator Moammar Khadafy, but the feds were too busy tapping your phone line to notice. [R&M]
• Cutbacks at the Times leads to the close of the nurse's office. Alas, no more Snoopy band-aids for Punch. [Page Six]
• After calling in Kabbalah ghostbusters to cleanse her "haunted" London home, Gwyneth Paltrow is diagnosed as officially retarded. [Scoop]
• Amanda Peet flips off a smiley fan in the East Village. Just like any native New Yorker would, really. [Lowdown]

A very important update in the whodunit analysis of why DJ AM broke off his engagement to Nicole Richie:

• Nicole Richie and her fiancée DJ AM acted rather chilly towards one another at his club, especially after AM pushed Richie away from him. Like our mother always said: It's not good to fight on an empty stomach. [R&M (3rd item)]
• After getting hit on the head by a falling pole, Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria is back to work. She didn't even take six weeks off! What a trouper. These starlets are just soooo inspirational. [Page Six]
• Designer Marc Ecko vows to file a federal lawsuit against Mayor Bloomberg for denying him his right to throw a graffiti block party. In a city where we can't even dance and smoke in the same rooms where we get hammered, was Ecko really surprised? [NYDN]
• Now that the Plaza hotel is being raped and pillaged into condos, real estate-watchers are speculating that a 600-square-foot studio could go for around $1.4 million. It's a fair price to live a safe distance from vegan murderers looking for smack. [Page Six]
• Remember Mario Vasquez, the American Idol hopeful who bolted the show for no good reason? Smart move, as he's just signed a hefty record deal with Clive Davis. Corey Clark is so jealous. [Fox411]