This morning, a momentary pang of existential despair hit when the unverified @DonDeLilloOffic appeared, claiming to be the official Twitter account of "Don DeLillo, novelist" and revealing itself to the world like this:

He's baaaaack, thanks to TLC. Also today: everyone's favorite dreamvamp gets his ears lowered, bad news for Paula Abdul, good news for Katy Perry (which is bad news for us), and a misguided NBC show moves ahead.

Give Joe Biden a high five. The Vice President of the United States turns 67 today. (Let's all hope he gets through the day without any more accidents.) The oldest member of Congress, Sen. Robert Byrd of West Virginia, turns 92 today. Former U.S. ambassador to the U.N. John Bolton is 61. Mike D of the Beastie Boys turns 44. Joel McHale of The Soup and Community is turning 38. Pat Kiernan of NY1 is turning 41. Actress Sean Young is 50. Bo Derek turns 53. Author Don DeLillo is turning 73. TV anchor Judy Woodruff turns 63. Avant-garde performer Meredith Monk is 67. Tween star Cody Linley turns 20. Former Eagles member Joe Walsh is turning 62. And Mark Gastineau, the retired football star and father of Brittny, is 53. Below: A few folks celebrating birthdays this weekend, including Scarlett Johansson and Tina Brown.

In a 2004 issue of academic journal Modernism/Modernity, David Foster Wallace's short story collection Oblivion was reviewed by Jay Murray Siskind, a professor at Blacksmith College, and a fictional Don DeLillo character. And no one noticed!

Joe Biden has one more thing to celebrate today: It's his 66th birthday. Others blowing out candles today: The Soup's Joel McHale is 37. Author Don DeLillo is 72. Longtime TV journalist Judy Woodruff is 62. Avant-garde singer Meredith Monk turns 66. Bo Derek is 52. Former U.N. ambassador John Bolton is turning 60. The Beastie Boys' Mike D is 43. Hannah Montana star Cody Linley is turning 19. And Mark Gastineau, former football star, ex-husband of Lisa, and father of Brittny, is 52 years old.

DeLillo is the author of a slew of critically-lauded, densely-written novels about American life including White Noise, Underworld, and 9/11-inspired Falling Man.

I accidentally stumbled upon a Don Delillo reading last night and heard an excerpt from his new novel, Cosmopolis, in which the main character is a Wall Street currency trader and asset manager. Delillo's Wall Street sounds interesting, but nothing like the real thing:
· The protagonist, Eric Packer, cruises around Manhattan in a white stretch limo. (The NYT/GQ's Walter Kirn: "White stretch limousines...conjure up prom nights in Omaha for me, not mornings on Wall Street.")
· Packer manages billions of dollars and has a Manhattan apartment with 48 rooms. He's 28.
· He does what sounds like currency arbitragemaking money off of disparities in exchange ratesbut made much of his money plugging stocks on a website and then trading them, which is usually illegal.
· A typical statement from a Delillo Wall Streeter: "Doubt. What is doubt? You don't believe in doubt. You've told me this. Computer power eliminates doubt. All doubt rises from past experience. But the past is disappearing. We used to know the past but not the future. This is changing. We need a new theory of time.''
Cosmopolis: long day's journey into haircut [NYT]