The most important (read: only) piece of music criticism that the fashion world has ever paid attention to is running on Vogue UK's website: Donatella Versace on Mariah Carey's Me. I Am Mariah...The Elusive Chanteuse. The lioness meets the lamb.

Lifetime's House of Versace aired last night, and it was excellent to see Gina Gershon in her old thematic stomping ground of playing a coked-up lady boss set on making everyone's lives miserable. Though critically savaged, I'd wager that Gershon's alternately groggy and raving portrayal of Donatella Versace (complete with a caricature of Donatella's rumbling, accented basso) will age about as well as her iconic turn in Showgirls as Cristal Connors.

Like a vulture circling a mound of rotting flesh, Lindsay Lohan is closing in on the role of Victoria Gotti in an upcoming mafia movie. To seal the deal, Lindsay and Victoria posed for pictures; the result was like one of those fairy tales where a damsel looks in the mirror and freaks out when she sees what she will look like when she is old. Not that Victoria is that old! Just that LiLo has a thing for snuggling up to human embodiments of her super-tan, uber-blonde future.

We were so busy gawking at Real Housewife Danielle Staub eating dinner with skater Johnny Weir in Chelsea last night that we missed the Costume Institute Gala Benefit. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was there in our stead.

Interested in being Donatella Versace's intern for a semester? For a mere $20,000, the job can be yours. And she'll even throw in a t-shirt and a bottle of perfume.

And have we reached a consensus on which is worse, yet? Tiger Woods' mistress talks tampons, Bode Miller gets dirty at a Playboy party, Heidi Montag schools Lindsay Lohan. Here's your Wednesday gossip.

Paparazzi have mistaken this lady for Donatella at least four times. Rumor has it she's an "Italian countess who has had a home on St. Bart's for over ten years." An investigation into Fake Donatella, and telling the two apart.

Which of Brad Pitt's body parts bodes well for Brangelina? Bill Gates dances on a banquette. Topless Donatella Versace shows us what young Hollywood will look like in old age. Natalie Portman has a scandalous new beau. Tuesday gossip cometh.

An unpaid internship at Versace is now up for auction. (The current bid is $3,000.) Ever wish you could hold up Donatella Versace's dress as she squats over a port-a-potty and flicks cigarette ash into the palm of your hand? Now you can! And you can pay for the pleasure! [FWD]

Everyone is freaking out because Lohan and Versace look exactly the same. Also, Nicole Ritchie's baby appears, Kate is plus eight nightmares, and Hulk Hogan's suicide. Welcome to Wednesday's gossip gems!

Attack of the Blondes: Taylor Momsen, Lindsay Lohan, and Donatella Versace at the Whitney Museum of American Art annual gala last night.

[Mischa Barton refuses to stare into Donatella Versace's cleavage at the Whitney Museum Gala Studio Party at the museum last night. Image via Getty]

[All eyes are on human Muppet Donatella Versace as she greets the crowd at her fashion show in Milan last night. Image via Getty]

• Agyness Deyn isn't bidding goodbye to NYC, after all. But her little sister's moved in with her. [Grazia]
• Just before he died, Michael Jackson was supposedly in talks to launch a clothing line with Christian Audigier. Naturally, the slight turn of events isn't putting Audigier off from moving ahead with a Jackson-themed line. [MSNBC, SW]
• In news that will be of precious little value to you, Rachel Zoe's QVC collection is hitting Fashion Week this year; Kenny Chesney is launching a line of clothing; and some company is under the impression the public wants a collection of Desperate Housewives-inspired perfumes.
• Betsey Johnson chats with PlumTV about her retirement plans. [PlumTV]

Donatella Versace graced New York City with her royal presence this week. The reason for her visit? She was here to preside at the opening of Art Unites, a program created in conjunction with the Whitney that is giving out art supplies to 1,400 seriously ill children around the world. The kids use the materials to make art work; their pieces then get turned into special edition Versace tote bags, which are sold to the public with the proceeds going back to non-profit. It's a fine cause, of course. But did event organizers really have to subject these sick kids to physical contact with Donatella? Haven't they been through enough as it is? A collection of unfortunate kids subjected to the Donatella's frightening embrace after the jump.

• Courtney Love may be incapable of paying her AmEx bill, but that isn't stopping her from launching her own clothing line. Coming soon: "cotton ribbed body suits" and "cashmere harem pants." [Grazia, SW]
• Emma Watson is the new face of Burberry. [Vogue]
• Bee Shaffer may be attending posh parties at the Venice Biennale right now, but she's also job hunting at the moment, in case you weren't aware. Then again, she's also interested in studying acting, so she may just do that instead. [FWD]
• Five months after he was kicked to the curb, Fabien Baron is returning to Interview as the mag's editorial director. [WWD, FWD]
• Now's the time to hit up Save Fashion; the festivities end on Friday. [Pipeline]

• Versace CEO Giancarlo di Risio is expected to hand in his resignation tomorrow. He's leaving after reportedly clashing with Donatella Versace "over her lavish lifestyle," not surprisingly. [NYT]
• The second season of The City has started filming inside Elle's offices. [WWD]
• Rosa Cha has launched a line of bathing suits that sell for as much as $3,200 apiece. And you can't even get them wet. But that isn't stopping women from buying them, supposedly. [NYP]
• If that bathing suit sounds appealing, you're probably the sort of person who'd also be interested in buying these $340 Hermès cotton boxer shorts for your husband. [FWD]
• Karl Lagerfeld is hitting the big screen. Or his voice is, at least. He'll be playing a villain in an animated French movie. [Fashionista]

• Mayor Bloomberg has declared Thursday to be "Burberry Day" in honor of the lighting of the Burberry logo atop the company's new HQ at 444 Madison Avenue. [FWD]
• It looks like the Gianni Versace CEO Giancarlo Di Risio will be departing the company after going head to head with Donatella Versace. [WSJ]
• Italian officials have accused Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana of tax evasion, and have threatened the duo with a $1+ billion fine. [Cut]
• You may want to think twice before you try and squeeze into a pair of skinny jeans. They've been known to cause a nerve condition called "meralgia paresthetica," otherwise known as "tingling thigh syndrome." [MSNBC]

• Michelle Obama wore a magenta Michael Kors dress to the White House Correspondents' dinner on Saturday, in case you were curious. Even more exciting: Donatella Versace penned her first blog post from the event. [WWD, NYM, HuffPo]
• Rachel Zoe has a line of accessories for QVC that will debut this fall. [WWD]
• Carine Roitfeld is not a nymphomaniac, nor does she insist on weighing the staff of French Vogue daily, you'll be relieved to hear. [Fashionologie]
• Abercrombie & Fitch is opening another store on Fifth. The retailer is taking over Hickey Freeman's flagship to open a kids store. [Racked]

Rachel Bilson leaving her hotel on the Lower East Side ... Eva Longoria and Tony Parker shopping downtown ... Matthew Broderick walking son James to school in the rain ... Taylor Momsen talking on her cell phone ... Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady leaving a doctor's office on Park Avenue ... Kate Bosworth and James Rousseau walking in Soho ... Jessica Alba heading into BLT Prime on East 22nd Street ... Donatella Versace leaving an art gallery in Chelsea ... RuPaul walking under an umbrella in the West Village ... Rachel Zoe heading inside the Carlyle Hotel ... Jennifer Aniston leaving dinner at the Waverly Inn ... and Blake Lively and Penn Badgley heading inside the Costume Institute afterparty at Monkey Bar.