The Wall Street Journal reports that high schools across the U.S. are preventing teens from reaching their full sexy potential this prom season by banning dresses that flaunt their hot young teen parts.

Paz de la Huerta, Boardwalk Empire actress and budding Hollywood mess, has a signature look: She always matches her lipstick to her dress. Is this a method for avoiding unsightly lipstick stains? Obsessive-compulsive color coordination?

Behold, the "Blog Writer Dress" and "Blog Editor Dress," from a store that also sells a "Literary Arts Dress," "Journalism Dress," and "Texture Message Dress." By assessing these outfits' relative cuteness, we can figure which kind of writing is best.