Fox News CEO Roger Ailes, who is currently facing numerous accusations of sexual harassment by a growing number of current and former employees, is reportedly—reportedly!—departing the channel, which he founded in October 1996 and has helmed for the past 19 years. This morning, Gabriel Sherman of New York magazine reported that Fox News’ star anchor, Megyn Kelly, had told investigators hired by 21st Century Fox that her boss had sexually harassed her approximately ten years ago, when she still worked at Fox. In the same piece, Sherman claimed that attorneys for 21st Century Fox had given Ailes an ultimatum: “Resign or face being fired for cause” by August 1 of this year.

When two black men were accused of assaulting a white couple on the Charlottesville, Virginia, mall last month, the right-wing shriek machine immediately seized on the incident as the latest "knockout game" attack—a Drudge-fed race panic in which feral black youth are purportedly sucker-punching nice white people around the nation without reason or warning. But local law enforcement now says that the men were in fact incited by a verbal confrontation with the couple—a confrontation some witnesses say was related to their gayness.

Matt Drudge would like to spend as little as four to five hours sitting down, working on his blog each day. But sometimes a sex survey or the N-Word happens and he is compelled to stay blogging for up to 17 hours a day. I know what you're thinking. Matt, but your back!

For about 20 minutes this morning, the top headline on the Drudge Report was "DRONES TO DELIVER NEWSPAPERS." It was a nice bit for Drudge, one that satisfied both his obsession with drones and his obsession with media, and had a good future-shock value for his aging, perpetually terrified audience. It was also, obviously, an April Fool's Day joke.

Thanks to his penis, Gen. David Petraeus is the central figure in what is arguably the biggest political scandal of 2012, but he's no stranger to controversies. You may remember back in 2007, when MoveOn.org ran a full-page ad in the New York Times that asked, "General Petraeus or General Betray Us?" This incredibly innocuous and obvious pun — and MoveOn's point-by-point criticism of Petraeus below the headline — naturally exploded in the world of haughty Republican dipshits.

Politico's muckrakers have filed a disturbing report on illicit Obama administration Twitter activity: whoever set up the White House's new health care account "favorited" some P. Diddy tweets, one of which mentioned vodka! How completely will this ruin Obama's presidency?

Well, which is it, Matt? Is Obama too subservient or too uppity? (Oh, wait—he's just uppity to the white man, as he sells our sovereignty to the Yellow Peril. Got it!)

White extremists, angry at the passage of health care reform, are mobilizing to punish the Godless Democratic lawmakers who are responsible for the coming of Armageddon. The FBI is involved after a series of death threats. Here are some highlights.

RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively that Chief Justice of the United States John Roberts is considering stepping down. "RadarOnline.com has been told that Roberts, 55, could announce his decision at any time." The Pulitzer hunt heats up! Update: RadarOnline.com has retracted.

Odious hack Mark Halperin (and fine New York Magazine political reporter John Heilmann) wrote a book about the 2008 campaign! Did you read one of its many scoops, today? Probably, because the same information was cut-and-pasted everywhere.

Climate change is real and man-made. Period, end of story. But recently, some emails have leaked that conclusively prove that climate scientists... are really pissed off that a well-funded industry exists that subverts and denies their work.

Did you hear the breaking news? Nancy Pelosi's socialist health care bill is almost as long as Infinite Jest! And that means it is bad. It is a bad bill, because good bills are short.

Jimmy Carter should know better than to just say what various columnists, politicians, and random people on the street have been saying for weeks now. You know, that race is informing the hysterical response to Obama's policy proposals.

As we learned during the Bush administration, the only legitimate role the federal government can play in stimulating the economy is sending everyone in America a check. That's always fiscally responsible, too. So why do Democrats hate simple economics?

Wait, this can't be right.

Oh man, Hillary made another GAFFE. She's just a gaffe machine! Bring back Condi! She got along with everyone! See, she didn't know that this image on this cloak was painted magically by God.

Drudge: "ORGANIC: World's Deadliest Spider Found in WHOLE FOODS Produce..." Story: two experts dispute both the identification of the spider and that spider's deadliness. Plus:

The Obamas are just like us: drinking through this recession, at home! Well, not entirely like us. They're all wearing fancy clothes and they have jobs and Steve Wonder is there.

Oh no! Not the Swedish model! Look carefully at that terrifying blue and yellow Nordic Cross; it is our generation's hammer and sickle.