After opening his mouth and expelling a noxious cloud of racist words about heroin dealers named “D Money” who are constantly knocking up Maine’s white women, Gov. Paul LePage today explained he only said those things because of his “slow” brain. Sure!

The anti-heroic menstruation of a Mexican prostitute has saved fearsome Sinaloa cartel boss Joaquin 'El Chapo' Guzman from arrest, Univision reports. Apparently a third party hired the prostitute without telling her she'd be servicing Guzman, a billionaire druglord who has been on the lam since escaping prison 11 years ago. According to Mexican daily Reforma, the prostitute was blindfolded and taken to a rented home in Los Cabos without being told who her client would be.

A Mexican drug kingpin who left behind a trail of 600 bodies, many of them dismembered and decapitated, has been arrested. Oscar Garcia, 36, was the leader of The Hand with Eyes — a brutal drug gang responsible for bringing the extreme drug-war violence typically found in northern Mexico into Mexico City and its suburbs.

[Children play at the home of an alleged drug trafficker in Rio's Complexo do Alemao slum today, as Brazilian security forces declare victory against the city's infamous drug gangs. Image via AP]

A Denver attorney is taking on irresponsible weed growers who are making respectable "pot professionals" look bad, by using names like "Green Crack" for their homegrown strains, and for loving tie-dyed posters.