While you were all just hanging out last weekend swimming in a pool and smoking weed, Michael Phelps was being quietly reintroduced as a pitchman for Subway.

Manic, floating disembodied eyeball in dark alley teaches kids about drugs. As always!

Were you under the impression that our new president had pretty much legalized medical marijuana by telling the feds to stop going after growers and sellers? Not quite!

There are now 600 medical marijuana dispensaries operating in Los Angeles, thanks to a legal loophole. Thanks, The Recession and Attorney General Holder and, most of all, incompetent LA City Council legal staff! This procedural goof's for you, Peter Tosh.

Barack Obama has already sent subtle signals that the Feds have no interest in prosecuting medical marijuana distributors. Now Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to "study" legalizing marijuana in California. Weed money is too good to resist!

Tetrahydrocannabinol has been demonstrated to induce human glioma cell death through stimulation of autophagy! That means that weed totally cures cancer. Dude.

We suspected it; you prayed for it (especially you, hippie); now it has actually happened: the US government is no longer coming after your "medical" marijuana. Dude:

We don't want to over-excite anyone out there on the West Coast who may currently be engaged in wake-and-bake, but marijuana is now, for all practical purposes, legal in 13 states. Thanks to Obama!

Remember brotastic internet niche figure Tucker Max and his objectively awful movie script? Where the hell is that flick, huh? Here, your full update on I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, the movie:

Remember how scientists recently uncovered that 2,700-year-old stash of weed in a grave in China? Well here it is, in all its 2,700-year-old glory. Oldie was sitting on some straight up Kryptonite. Click to enlarge. [Journal of Experimental Botany via Animal]

Scientists have found a 2,700-year-old, two-pound stash of weed in a grave in China. Dude. [MSNBC]

Which is funnier: hippie college kids engaging in a weed smoking festival, or the local paper trying to cover that event in respectable language? You decide! In honor of 4/20, 10,000 kids at the University of Colorado hit the quad for a massive smoke-out, and the Boulder Daily Camera was on the scene to record all the magical high-ass quotes that spilled forth from the participants. Here is just one, from freshman Emily Benson: "We're at the starting point of a movement," she said. "This is a big part of the reason I applied here — for the weed atmosphere." Ha, yes you did! And there are so many more:

Who among us could not be a changed person after seeing the 1991 beach-based thriller Point Break? Patrick Swayze as the surf gang leader Bodhi; Gary Busey as the world-weary cop Pappas; and Keanu Reeves as Johnny Utah, trying to do whatever he imagined an actor's job to be. The movie became an instant classic, of a sort, in 1991. It took 12 more years before the inevitable stage version of the show, "Point Break LIVE!," hit theatergoers like a surfboard to the face. And that show—in which an audience member is selected to play Johnny Utah each night, and "reads their entire script off cue cards in order to capture the rawness of a Keanu Reeves performance"—has put in five long years on stage before being awarded its own official day in a formal proclamation by San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom. As the immortal Bodhi said, "Goddamn! You are one radical son of a bitch [MAYOR NEWSOM]!" They should make it TWO days:

How the mighty have fallen! Ben Curtis, once nationally famous for being really enthusiastic whenever someone was getting a Dell, is now a waiter at Tex-Mex standby Tortilla Flats. "There were times when I made boatloads of money as an actor, but here I can be myself." Also, he "dressed up as the Dell Dude for the Halloween party." [NYM]