YAASSS Hillary! Pander queen!!!!!!! The Ellen Show is lit AF today, and this is MFW I see Lena Dunham’s meme mom getting hype. I want to die, right now, please.

Is this a genuine video of a woman's drug-induced post-dental-surgery ravings, or a transparent ploy to get on Ellen like that other girl? Doesn't matter: Someone in tears after a dental procedure because the doctor didn't give them Nicki Minaj's face and butt is never not funny.

The celebration of the year of our Lord Tayla's birth continued yesterday on the Ellen show, when T. Swift dropped by to promote 1989 and tell everyone her deepest, darkest fear. "I'm scared of being framed," she said, in the voice of someone who's certainly not covering up multiple murders as we speak.

The principal of a Catholic school has apologized to parents for putting a photo of Oscar host and world's famousest lesbian Ellen DeGeneres on an invitation to an Oscars-themed eighth grade graduation dance.

The internet was weird this week. Mostly in a good way. But also in a bullshitty way.

The misery of Liza Minnelli stretches into yet another agonizing day. Paparazzi caught up with the living legend in West Hollywood (where else?) on Monday night, and a cameraman asked her what she thought about Ellen DeGeneres' Oscars joke at Liza's expense. ("Hello to the best Liza Minnelli impersonator I've ever seen," DeGeneres said from the stage to Minnelli in the audience during the opening monologue. "Good job, sir." The internet being the internet wondered if this was transphobic.)

“Diversity was a leading motif for ceremony that was hosted by Ellen DeGeneres, a happy-go-lucky lesbian who spent most of the evening in a tuxedo.”

Question: Why won't Kanye West let himself be great? Answer: Kim Kardashian.

As if these photos of Colin Powell cutting a rug—pursed lips conveying his boogie-woogie seriousness in one; hands-on-hips stance indicating he may be contemplating a hernia-inducing squat dance in another—weren't uncomfortable enough, now we have approximately 20 digital-video seconds of the former secretary of state grooving out to a Daft Punk song about staying up all night for the nookie. Also, included: Pharrell's croon, Katie Holmes Doing the Shoulders, and a full-club karaoke singalong. The Hamptons will embarrass you every time.

A Finding Nemo sequel ("Finding Dory") is officially on. The kids who loved the original film are now sullen teens.

J.Lo joked about CBS's now-infamous wardrobe memo, but Katy Perry openly defied it — and some took notice.

Yesterday was Portia de Rossi's 40th birthday. So on her daytime talk show today, Ellen DeGeneres paid tribute to her wife of four years.

Malia Obama's favorite band One Direction were on Ellen yesterday. Blindfolded fans felt them up, the uber-doober British boy band performed a song, and Liam Payne touched Harry Styles in the pooper. You can see it in the screenshot right there.

Taylor Swift is known to avoid the question "which celebrity boyfriend is this song about?" like she might avoid an ex-boyfriend. At least until that information leaks. But Ellen, a Swift expert, comes prepared in tomorrow's interview with the 22-year-old.

The hilarious Rebel Wilson, who has seemingly taken Hollywood by storm since her scene-stealing role in Bridesmaids, appeared on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" today to promote her new film Pitch Perfect. Spoiler alert: I already saw it, it's fantastic.

Liam Neeson didn't show his legendary celebrity big dick (Janice Dickinson has compared it to an Evian bottle) on Ellen yesterday, but he came closer than usual. In the name of breast cancer charity slash Taken 2 awareness, he stripped down to show his own chesticles and the result was an almost-nude 60-year-old who looked like an almost-nude 60-year-old.

In what appears to be a direct response to the failed boycott campaign of anti-gay group One Million Moms, JCPenney yesterday unveiled a new Father's Day ad featuring a same-sex couple playing with their children.

Veronica Mars survivor Kristen Bell was on Dancing with the Degeneres this afternoon and shared a videotape of her first meeting with a sloth. She freaked the fuck out. Apparently she has loved sloths her whole life, and when her fiance, comedian Dax Shepard, went to introduce her to the hairy couch potato, she absolutely lost her shit.

Kristen Stewart instructs an interviewer to google her love life. Rachel Uchitel gets married. Kim Kardashian renews her vows. Blake Lively rides a train with Ryan Reynolds. Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler reunite. Wednesday gossip cultivates an air of mystery.

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi have put their 26-acre compound in Hidden Valley, Calif. on the market and it's listed for $16.5 million. Considering the pair purchased the home in 2009 for around $10 million, it's likely that the market is where it will stay.