When Ellen Page strutted onto the stage of Studio 8H to deliver her monologue on this week's episode of SNL dressed like one of the Sweathogs, we didn't pay it much mind. With the benefit of hindsight (and after having seen this skit), maybe our eyebrows should have risen ever so slightly. But, at the time, we were too busy enjoying Andy Samberg's impression of Diablo Cody to wonder about the Ellen Page Sexuality Sweepstakes. While all you bloggers and froggers out there will likely concur that his Diablo didn't quite reach the level of the Diablo impersonator in the Funny Or Die video, we did love the calvacade of blog references that he managed to mix into his impression. The video, along with a complete list of all of the blog-related catchphrases in the making follows after the jump:

Towards the very end of SNL, guest host Ellen Page veered from the show's regular template for a sketch virtually bereft of jokes—more of a 3-minute mini-play, really—in which she gushes to roommate Andy Samberg of the near religious experience that was a Melissa Etheridge concert. "There were so many athletic girls in tank tops...And then the Indigo Girls came out...And then Ellen DeGeneres came out and did this bit about being in the closet when she was young! And it was so true!" Asked by Samberg if she "went gay," the reluctant-to-be-labeled character responds, "I just feel like an oil lamp that's never been lit. Why can't I just hug a woman with my legs in friendship?"

· Much like her brother Michael, we have a hard time really buying the whole girlish falsetto of Janet Jackson's voice. It's as if she's just waiting for a commercial break to unleash that Howard Stern-esque basso profundo of hers. [Ellen]
· Ellen Page pulls out of Sam Raimi's Drag Me to Hell, reportedly because "she didn't like the latest draft of the script." Which strikes us as just the sort of excuse someone who'd bring their lesbian power publicist as their date to the Oscars would give, doesn't it? [bloody-disgusting.com]
· We must hand it to that Tilda Swinton: She's a pistol. She's already converted her Oscar into a hash pipe. So handy! [Popbytes]
· Now you're all Archuleta, Archuleta, Archuleta, as if Sanjaya never even existed. Well what if we sweetened the Malakar by offering you a shot of the Ponyhawked One...shirtless? We thought so. Enjoy. [rickey.org]
· Next time you have company over, serve them a nice glass of wine in a bacon cup! They can even eat it once they're done drinking. [Not Martha via WOW]

Hell hath no fury like a "power lesbian" publicist mistaken for her Oscar-nominated client's mother/love interest. At least that's what Michael Musto learned when his prurient interest in Ellen Page (and our interest in his interest) precipitated an angry call Thursday from ID-PR power flack Kelly Bush:

Repellent as it was, Jeffrey Wells' suspicion that no teenage boy would ever knock up a girl as "midget-sized" or "scrawny" as he perceived Ellen Page to be in Juno might actually have had some veracity to it. At least accidentally, anyhow, as Michael Musto indirectly suggested on Wednesday:

Sad news for any schadenfreude addicts out there, but there was nary a swan head nor a peek of butt floss out to be seen on the carpet last night. Instead, we saw 80s-esque gold glitter fiascos (Faye Dunaway), billowy black muumuus (Ellen Page) and particularly poor choices in fabric, especially for a former stripper (Diablo!). While there aren't any oh-no-she-didn't moments, we were disappointed in several of the carpet walkers this evening:

The question on the minds of the glossy mags isn't who will take home little gold men on Sunday night, but rather who'll make the biggest fashion faux-pas. And there's no shortage of mistakes made by this year's Best Actress nominees in the past. But we aren't hoping for new additions to the Fashion Police Hall of Fame; instead, we went digging through the archives to find the biggest mistake all five actresses tend to make in the style department, and our suggestions for which signature looks they should keep in mind to achieve sartorial success come Sunday.

· Good news, advertisers, entertainment journalists, and fans of overblown montages of new shows that will likely be canceled before December: The upfronts are back on! The networks may continue them in some modified form, but it seems as if they're planning on maintaining the most crucial part of the tradition: free booze. [Variety]
· This year's five Best Picture nominees have earned just $295 million at the box office (and Juno is responsible for about $120 mil of that), putting the group on pace to be the second-lowest grossing crop of Academy honorees in two decades. You should all be ashamed of yourselves, especially if you haven't seen No Country or There Will Be Blood yet. [THR]
· Ellen Page and Cillian Murphy will star in Peacock, in which Murphy will play a small town guy with a multiple personality disorder that leads him to live life as both a man and his wife, and Page the "struggling young mother" who touches off a domestic dispute between the two sides of his fractured psyche. Disclosure: a friend of ours co-wrote this script, and it's fucking brilliant. We're not even going to be objective about this on our last day. [Variety]

• Late-night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel is, or will soon be, fucking Ben Affleck. Or at least he kind of wishes. [NYP]

[Ellen Page, star of the indie sensation "Juno", attends the Academy Awards Nominees Luncheon today in Hollywood; image via AP]

· Like Mr. Tumnus having his way with Keira Knightly in a darkened family library, the BAFTAs make sweet, desperate love to Atonement, lavishing 14 nominations on the film; runners-up No Country For Old Men and There Will Be Blood (nine nods each), like adolescents wandering in on the lovers in mid-thrust, stare with a mix of jealousy and immature incomprehension at the act of carnality unfolding in front of them. (We now end this incredibly labored run of Atonement analogies.) [Variety]
· Breakout Juno star Ellen Page entrusts her red-hot career to first-time director Drew Barrymore, with Page taking a role as a roller-derby-playing "alterna-teen" (no need to stretch too far coming off a hit) in Whip It!
[Variety]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw Edward Norton looking so motherfucking gangsta at a RZA concert.

Despite the flaccid-sounding acronym, there's nothing namby-pamby about the SAG awards—the greatest honor Hollywood's thespians can bestow upon each other (besides, of course, the Oscars, the Backstage Westies, and the Craigslist Jobs: TV/Film/Video Awards). Jeanne Tripplehorn and Terrence Howard announced this year's nominees early this morning to an enraptured crowd of before-hours cleaning crew and building security at the Pacific Design Center:

Pow! That's the sound of a pneumatic cattle bolt flying into our awards-crazy melons, officially marking the start of Oscar Season: The National Board of Review has named No Country for Old Men their best film of 2007. Other big wins: George Clooney for best actor in Michael Clayton, Tim Burton for best director for Sweeney Todd, and Emile Hirsch and Ellen Page won breakthrough performances for Into the Wild and Juno, respectively. [Reuters]