Emile Hirch has pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault for placing Paramount studio executive Daniele Bernfeld in a chokehold on January 25. The actor was sentenced to 15 days in jail, plus a $4,750 fine and 50 hours of community service.

Emile Hirsch—who is facing real jail time after allegedly putting a female film executive in a headlock at a party last month—just checked himself into rehab, TMZ reports.

In New York magazine's review of Admission, David Edelstein says of Paul Rudd, "Everybody doesn't like somebody, but nobody doesn't like Paul Rudd." In Prince Avalanche, Rudd attempts to cast off his universal affability. Rudd's Alvin is characterized by dismissive, elitist, self-conscious, and annoying tics. He says things like, "reap the rewards of solitude." He sits backwards in a chair when dispensing advice. Rudd skillfully delves into the soul of a pretentious, unlikable snob. Or as unlikable as it gets for Paul Rudd, anyway.

Here's a trailer for The Darkest Hour, a Russia-set thriller about an alien invasion. Ho hum, more aliens, right? Wrong! These are a different kind of alien, in that we can't see them.

Last week, J. Lo was inexplicably cast in the Goldie Hawn role of a Overboard remake. Please, don't mess with the classics like that! If you're going to go remaking '80s movies, here's how to do it right.

• This is going to come as a big shock to you, we're sure, but it seems Alex Rodriguez has been hooking up with several women since splitting up with Kate Hudson. A-Rod also "keeps bragging that Madonna is still texting him all the time," although for Madonna's sake, let's hope that isn't true. [P6]
• Angelina Jolie has been dropped as the face of the clothing brand St. John in favor of red-headed model (and the wife of Jack White) Karen Elson. Why the change? It seems St. John concluded that Jolie was too famous and had "overshadowed the brand." [NYDN]
• Related: Did Brad Pitt deal weed in college? No, but he kind of looks like he may have what with that scraggly beard he's been sporting recently. [NYP]
• Usher had more than $1 million in jewelry, furs, and electronics stolen from his SUV in mid-December. Exactly why he had all this stuff stored in his car of all places—and why he only noticed now—is unclear. [TMZ]
• Tila Tequila was set to be interviewed on Larry King Live, but CNN yanked the "Casey Johnson tribute" at the last minute. Did the network realize giving a mentally-ill publicity addict was a bad idea? (Unlikely; the Balloon Boy dad was a guest the other night.) Maybe CNN worried about getting sued? Who knows, but you can always go to Twitter (where she's tweeted about Johnson's death more than 160 times over the past week), or go to People's website for your "Tila Tequila exclusive interview," if you must. [TMZ, E!, People]

• An Italian photographer is accusing Naomi Campbell of sending him to the hospital after she allegedly clobbered him with her handbag and scratched his eye with her nails. Naturally, this sort of behavior is totally unlike Campbell and couldn't possibly be true. [Daily Mail]
• Billy Joel is supposedly "completely distraught" over his breakup with Katie Lee Joel and is now trying to "rekindle the relationship." [P6]
• It looks like Mischa Barton is recovering nicely. She's "smiling again," according to the Sun. And Vanity Fair reports she made her "first appearance on the city’s social circuit" last night. [Sun, VF]

Mischa Barton arriving at JFK, and walking into the Mercer Kitchen in SoHo a few hours later ... Emile Hirsch getting out of an SUV in Times Square ... Leighton Meester walking to the Gossip Girl set in Central Park ... Katy Perry going shopping in the meatpacking district ... Ashley Tisdale arriving at JFK with her dog in tow ... Hugh Jackman walking with his kids Oscar and Ava in the West Village ... Drew Barrymore and Christina Applegate shooting scenes for Going the Distance ... Russell Brand getting out of a taxi in the meatpacking district ... and Rihanna going to dinner at Cipriani Wall Street.

Officially out of ideas, Hollywood continues to mine the recent past for any bit of something worth reviving. Movies that you and I both loved once. Plays that the English loved many centuries ago.

Jamie Dimon (left) is the CEO of JPMorgan. Byrdie Bell (right) goes to a lot of parties. What do the two have in common? Absolutely nothing, except they're both celebrating birthdays today: Dimon is 53; Bell is turning 24. William H. Macy turns 59 today. Kathy Hilton, the woman who brought Paris Hilton into this world, is 50. Emile Hirsch is 24. Mets pitcher Johan Santana is turning 30. Political commentator Charles Krauthammer is 59. Mediabistro founder Laurel Touby is turning 46. Common is 37. Danny Masterson is 33. Dana Delany is 53. And Neil Sedaka is turning 70. Weekend birthdays after the jump!

Giorgio Armani celebrated the opening of his new Fifth Avenue flagship last night with a party at the store. The designer was accompanied by his niece Roberta Armani; guests on hand included Leonardo DiCaprio (left), Carine Roitfeld, Victoria Beckham, Martin Scorsese, Michael Bloomberg, Caroline Kennedy, Joel Klein, Cindi Leive, Fern Mallis, Andre Leon Talley, Ricky Martin, Rachel Zoe, Nina Garcia, John Mayer, Mario Testino, Josh Hartnett, Liam Neeson, Richard Meier, Alicia Keys, Chace Crawford, Milla Jovovich, Thom Browne, Kevin Liles, Molly Sims, Mira Sorvino and Christopher Backus, Sally Singer, David Hershkovits, Jim Moore, Hal Rubenstein, Patrick McCarthy, Emile Hirsch, Natalia Vodianova, Zani Gugelmann, Kate Lanphear, Horacio Silva, January Jones, Elsa Pataky, Zoe Saldana, Solange Knowles, Marcus Schenkenberg, and Olivia Palermo. [PMc, Wireimage, Vogue UK, FWD, NYM]

Philip Seymour Hoffman walking with a friend in Chelsea ... Carla Bruni blowing a kiss to photgraphers outside the Letterman show ... Rihanna arriving at JFK ... Naomi Watts walking in SoHo ... Keanu Reeves carrying a Barneys bag in Central Park ... James Franco leaving the New York Times building and later arriving at Letterman's studios ... actor Emile Hirsch walking with friends ... Katie Holmes leaving the Schoenfeld Theatre after a performance ... and a spandex-clad Robin Williams riding his bike at night.

It seems as if our reconnaissance on Speed Racer—quickly shaping up to be one of the biggest turkeys in recent Hollywood history—proved correct: The film was indeed third at the box office this weekend, taking in $18.6 million, $1.6 million short of the bloated studio estimates released yesterday. (What Happens in Vegas actually $200k more than its $2 million estimate.) And there's more Racer roadkill:

Click to viewFor all its confectionery imagery, Christina Ricci scene-stealing and the few other things Speed Racer gets right, it still faces a box-office false start that could make Leatherheads look like a hit in comparison. We sketched a few of the hurdles here yesterday (number one being its own studio's resignation to its underachievement), but at this point there's only one that counts: Larry and Andy Wachowski need to climb out of their hole.

OK, OK, Hollywood Reporter — we get it. The trade paper today took 1,600 words, three pie charts, two line graphs, and a half-dozen adorable floating-head info boxes to confirm the long-suspected word on the street that — are you ready? — the star system is dying. Jim Carrey can't open! Brad Pitt's last film did $4 million! Julia Roberts hasn't broken $70 million since 2001! Shriek!

Speed Racer doesn't have enough going for it, evidently, for Warner Bros. to sell an April 25 sneak preview in Los Angeles on its own hotly anticipated merits. And its venue partners at the ImaginAsian Theater apparently could take or leave stars Emile Hirch, Christina Ricci, Susan Sarandon and others. No, what this movie really needs is a boost from one of the world's most famous international pop stars to get people interested — i.e. Rain, the Korean sensation (and Speed Racer co-star) whose profile dwarfs the WB tentpole by comparison. And with free, first-come-first-served seats, we imagine a perfectly calm crowd will be on hand to join him. Follow the jump for details about joining the riot.

You'll hardly recognize a scrawny Sean Penn in full facial hair and denim as gunned-down gay city supervisor Harvey Milk. Also caught in this fan footage: Emile Hirsch as gay activist Cleve Jones, and San Francisco's Castro Street as its former self, before the Straighty McStraights bought everything.

Thanks to some intrepid, DV-equipped pedestrians in San Francisco's Castro district, the YouTubes now provide some tantalizing glimpses of what Sean Penn looks and sounds like as Harvey Milk in Gus Van Sant's biopic. (His face is obstructed in the clip above, but you can get a better look at him here.)

Pow! That's the sound of a pneumatic cattle bolt flying into our awards-crazy melons, officially marking the start of Oscar Season: The National Board of Review has named No Country for Old Men their best film of 2007. Other big wins: George Clooney for best actor in Michael Clayton, Tim Burton for best director for Sweeney Todd, and Emile Hirsch and Ellen Page won breakthrough performances for Into the Wild and Juno, respectively. [Reuters]

There's more A-list casting goodness for Gus Van Sant's Milk, the late-70s biographical drama about San Francisco's beloved openly gay city supervisor Harvey Milk, an American civics story that probably wouldn't have two major, competing productions in the pipeline had Milk and then-S.F. Mayor George Moscone not been shot to death at City Hall by political rival Dan White. Reports THR: