Erstwhile presidential candidate and public sad man Jeb Bush endorsed Ted Cruz in a statement posted to Facebook page this morning.

While frequenting a strip club in San Francisco last night, retired porn star Jenna Jameson took the opportunity to endorse Mitt Romney for President.

I write you, my friends, at a grave time in this country's history. Apparently people think they can just record any old YouTube endorsement of Barack Obama without the possibility of it backfiring and costing the Democrats the presidency. Ben Affleck endorsed John McCain for the greater good of the Democratic Party last night. If you're like him and you find yourself with a lower IQ than the norm and access to a video camera, don't post your thoughts to the internet, especially when those thoughts involve chanting, "Black Man in the White House!" Only the McCain campaign's lack of YouTube awareness can save us now.Can we really rule out that transgender YouTuber (and pop singer) Ms. Chris Crocker is a spy working directly under Karl Rove? Ms. Crocker made herself famous by netting millions of pageviews in YouTubes like "Leave Britney Alone!" Judge for yourself whether she made an egregious mistake in this one:

Shocker. No, wait, the other thing. [Times]

General Colin Powell was a swell guy when he was commanding the first war in Iraq. And he was just super when, as Secretary of State for George W. Bush, he sold the second war in Iraq to the United Nations. But now that he's endorsed Barack Obama for President, Powell totally cannot be trusted—and he's black! So says crybaby bastard Rush Limbaugh, anyway. Limbaugh wrote in an email (Did they take away his radio show yet?), "Secretary Powell says his endorsement is not about race. OK, fine. I am now researching his past endorsements to see if I can find all the inexperienced, very liberal, white candidates he has endorsed. I'll let you know what I come up with." As for Powell's concern that a McCain presidency would result in two more conservative appointments to the Supreme Court, Limbaugh wrote: "I was also unaware of his dislike for John Roberts, Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito, Anthony Kennedy and Antonin Scalia. I guess he also regrets Reagan and Bush making him a four-star [general] and secretary of state and appointing his son to head the FCC. Yes, let's hear it for transformational figures." [Politico]

Former Secretary of State under George W. Bush, Colin Powell, endorsed Barack Obama for President on Meet the Press this morning. Powell, a Republican and longtime friend of John McCain, said, "I think he is a transformational figure, he is a new generation coming onto the world stage, onto the American stage, and for that reason I'll be voting for Sen. Barack Obama... He's thinking that all villages have values, all towns have values, not just small towns have values." As for McCain and his supporters' straw-grasping, "terrorist" and "Muslim" talk, "I have been disappointed frankly in some of the approaches Senator McCain has taken recently... The party has moved even further to the right and Governor Palin has indicated a further rightward shift. I would have difficulty with two more conservative appointments to the Supreme Court, but that's what we'd be looking at in a McCain administration." Click through to watch the full endorsement. Click to view

Hey losers—it's the Democratic primary today in lovely New York Town. "So what," you're saying, "who cares? Are there love-children and hockey moms involved? Was anyone tortured by the Vietnamese?" No, but this election is much more important to you, the voter. Because in November, your vote won't count for shit. New York's electoral votes are a lock for Obama. But today you get to try to unseat the worst politician in all of New York state: Sheldon Silver, Speaker of the New York State Assembly. Silver represents everything wrong with Albany and the New York Democratic Party. He fights relentlessly against accountability and getting anything done to benefit New Yorkers. He rules through backroom dealmaking and no longer even pretends to represent his district. He killed congestion pricing without taking it to a vote on the floor. Blogger 99 lays out more of the case against him:

CNN shouter Lou Dobbs is apparently "mulling a run for New Jersey governor." Oh, please let that be true! Current governor Jon Corzine is quite unpopular and "Republican officials" claim the oddly orange-hued pseudo-populist pundit is "taking steps toward running" for that prestigious office himself. We cannot think of a better idea! For so many reasons!

Pageviews show that our Ron Paul endorsement isn't working out. We're going with Plan B: iGovernment, by Steve Jobs. Go buy a "Steve Jobs for President" T-shirt and see why he gets our endorsement.

At Valleywag we're bound by a strong sense of identity politics defined by one issue: pageviews. More views = more attention + more traffic-based bonus pay to keep our breakfast bourbon flowing. And when it comes to pageviews, Ron Paul's always-on boosters put Barack backers and Hill/Billies to shame, shame, shame. McCain can't raise a blip against The Blimp. You think we're joking, but ask yourself this.