Okay, okay, just this one last post about dating-challenged doucheblogger Eric Schaeffer, and then we're quitting, forever. Really. After this, we'll just turn it over to the grassroots groups that have emerged — they have single ladies' best interests and not book publicity in mind, we desperately hope. So herewith, after the jump, is the last "I dated Eric Schaeffer" email you'll get from us. Warning: the words "making love" are involved.

Okay, okay, we admit it: we are powerless over our addiction to posting about manorexic, twelve-steppin', misogynistic, internet dating addicted, bad-screenplay-writer Eric Schaeffer. We'll keep trying to stop (maybe a power higher than ourself might return us to sanity?), but in the meantime, we thought we'd share with you the entire text of the best Schaeffer-dater email we've received so far. A taste:

Many of you have contacted us, curious about Starved, still-single douche par excellence Eric Schaeffer's FX series about his bout with manorexia. We assumed that you were also interested in watching him jerk off using olive oil as lube. That's your warning. You've been warned. Splashguards up!

We can stop posting about Eric "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single, Even Though Every Other Sentient Life Form On Planet Earth Soooo Can" Schaeffer any time we want. Really. Okay, but before we take a vow of silence about Eric (who is also on the MySpace, in case you missed him on Nerve or Match) forever, we just have to share these latest tips. They're all thematically linked somehow. "How?" you're probably wondering. "I am racking my brain and I can't figure out what they're getting at based on that mysterious headline?!" Well, click on past the jump, little ones. But heed our warning: not safe for . . . just not safe. NOT SAFE.

Well, we knew it would happen eventually: our best efforts to never post about Eric Schaeffer again have been thwarted. The reason? We've started getting emails from women who've not only "winked" at Eric on Match and talked dirty with him on Nerve, they've actually met him in person (or they have a "friend" who has met him in person). So, uh, how'd it go?

We cringingly directed you yesterday to Rudius blogger Eric Schaeffer's site, where he alternately wonders why he can't find love and makes it glaringly obvious why he can't find love (he's the kind of pompous misogynist who makes Norman Mailer look like Rebecca Traister. Also, he's short). The aftermath in our inbox was brutal: we learned way, way, way more than we ever wanted to know about Schaeffer, including the fact that he has a book, also entitled I Can't Believe I'm Still Single (DON'T BUY IT! Seriously, if one person buys Schaeffer's book because of this, we might have to quit Gawker and go work for NOW to expiate our debt to womankind) coming out this spring from Thunder's Mouth Press. Here's the blurb from, you guessed it, T*cker M*x: