Accented lamb-man Ryan Gosling and his beautiful B-movie star lover Eva Mendes have christened their infant daughter Esmeralda Amada, which sounds uncannily like a lost ship in Christopher Columbus' fleet. "The Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Maria, and the Esmeralda Amada were the ships that carried Columbus here so he could rape the land, kill the Natives and clear the way for modern peoples to build Starbucks that serve alcohol," I vaguely remember my second-grade teacher saying.