europe
Satanists Blamed For Theft of Pope's Blood
Ken Layne · 01/27/14 01:20PMScandinavians: Debt Whores
Hamilton Nolan · 01/14/14 12:04PMSwiss to Vote on Guaranteed $2800 Monthly Income for All Adults
Max Rivlin-Nadler · 10/05/13 10:54AMDrinkers These Days Love Disgusting Flavored Booze
Hamilton Nolan · 09/18/13 08:50AMCrazy Russian Climbers Snap Breathtaking Shots from European Landmarks
Max Read · 09/12/13 11:14AMBejeweled European Skeleton Gods Discovered By "Macabre Art" Expert
Ken Layne · 09/10/13 12:00PMHamilton Nolan · 09/03/13 03:32PM
The Broke European Countries Aren't Having Babies
Hamilton Nolan · 07/26/13 02:52PMGoofus—the European countries that spent like drunken sailors and then saw everything evaporate in the recession— is so depressed he can't even get around to having a baby. But Gallant— the countries that were relative models of fiscal rectitude— has no trouble making babies, if you know what we mean.
Smoking in Europe Is No Longer Cool
Hamilton Nolan · 07/11/13 09:04AMOnce upon a time in the Good Old Days, "Europe" was a sophisticated land across the sea full of jazz musicians and sexually adventurous women, and all of them were smoking cigarettes sexily like there was no tomorrow. Those days are dead now. Europe is on its way to becoming just another sanitized smokeless place that sells chocolates.
Hamilton Nolan · 06/07/13 10:55AM
Suicide Closes Notre Dame In Paris, Saddening Many Tourists
Ken Layne · 05/21/13 10:43AMEurope Is a Creaky, Leaky Ship
Hamilton Nolan · 05/15/13 10:14AMOnce-Prosperous Italian Couple Kills Themselves Amid Austerity Measures
Max Rivlin-Nadler · 04/06/13 10:30AMLast-Minute Cyprus Bailout Will Shut Down Bank and Tax Biggest Accounts
Max Read · 03/25/13 07:22AMA late-night agreement between European finance ministers and the government of Cyprus will keep Cyprus in the eurozone and bail out the struggling island nation—by levying an enormous one-time tax on the biggest deposits in one of its banks. Under the deal, the Cyprus Popular Bank, or Laiki, will be divided into a "good" bank and a "bad" bank; the Goofus will be slowly wound down and closed while the Gallant will be folded into the country's largest bank, Bank of Cyprus. Deposits of over 100,000 euros in both banks will be subject to a haircut of as much as 30 percent—but unlike last week's controversial proposed plan, this deal will not tax smaller depositors. The Cyprus bailout deal has been difficult to reach for a variety of reasons, chief among them the country's desire to preserve its banking sector, the engine of its economy, and the eurozone's desire to punish the Russian oligarchs widely believed to be the largest depositors in Cyprus' banks. ("In my view, the stealing of what has already been stolen continues," Russian President Dmitri Medvedev said in response to the latest deal.) This bailout agreement should allow Cyprus to (sort of) remain in the eurozone (against the wishes of the majority of its citizens; "luckily," no one in Cyprus is voting on the package) and eventually recover its banking income without directly taking money from the little guy—but years of enforced austerity will hurt him just as badly. No one's happy. At least they're less unhappy than they were last week? [Telegraph | QZ | Reuters]
Moldova Is Officially the Hardest Partying Nation on Earth
Hamilton Nolan · 03/13/13 01:40PMAre You Eating Horse? Europe's Growing Horse Meat Scandal Explained
Max Read · 02/19/13 04:26PMNestlé, the largest food company on the planet, announced today that it's recalling some of the beef pasta meals it sells in Spain and Italy. The reason? The "beef" contains horse DNA. And Nestlé's not the only company. Nearly all of the U.K.'s biggest supermarkets and many of their suppliers have been forced to remove horse meat fraudulently labeled as beef from the shelves as more and more companies are implicated in the widening scandal. Where's the horse meat coming from? How is it getting into the beef? Has the United States' supply been compromised? We've got the answers.
Europeans Hate Cars
Hamilton Nolan · 02/19/13 03:25PMEurope, an expensive overseas cooking school populated by pussies, is still busy finding ever more outrageous ways to offend American sensibilities. First, it was the whole WWII thing, which we had to go straighten out ourselves. Then there was Monty Python. (Was he making fun of us? I think he was making fun of us.) And now, these Eurotrash types are too good to buy cars, all of a sudden.
Rihanna Plane Update: the Rihanna Plane Is in Stockholm
Max Read · 11/16/12 10:56AMAmerica Has the Worst Economy Anywhere Except for Everywhere Else
Hamilton Nolan · 11/12/12 11:34AMIn Spain, some banks have stopped evicting some broke homeowners, following multiple suicides. Spain is now full of formerly middle class homeowners adapting to newfound homelessness. In debt-wracked Greece, an austerity budget has yet to produce hope. Things are so bad in Portugal that citizens are fleeing for the more promising shores of Mozambique. Germany, Europe's only savior, is facing its own economic slowdown. A possible source of relief is hard to find. In Japan, a recession looms.