About two thirds into Justice Alito's opinion in Hobby Lobby came a paragraph that really stuck in my craw yesterday.

So here's a video instructing gullible little ones to avoid talking to strangers. The message is clear: free candy does not outweigh the fact that strangers are all clearly deviant scumbags. Plus the tune's quite catchy!

In this awful movie clip, an Alabama high-school football team must win the state championship in order to save their school from closing. Their only hope? Enlist the help of Coach Schuler and his football commandments.

Looking for a way to fill out your high-waisted, universally unflattering mom jeans? Like the idea of working out in one of Amy Adams' cast off costumes from Enchanted? Then this bizarre body sculpting routine is right up your alley.

In what is ostensibly an exercise tape without any real exercise, Kathie Lee Gifford exposes her house of horrors: the baby used for weightlifting, the kitchen of oblivion, Frank the sex monster (eew!), and sundry other frights.

You're probably tired of eating grilled raccoon and braised boot every night for dinner. Why not change your luck by winning the lottery and becoming a millionaire? Just follow this guy's instructions. Trust him, he has a mustache.

An intruder breaks into a woman's house; she calls for assistance. Does she have a gun? OF COURSE SHE HAS A GUN, STUPID. It's just her feeble female brain can't use it unless she's shooting it in the kitchen. HELP!