Clean up on aisle stupid! Despite its catchy "Expect More. Pay Less." slogan, we don't actually have very high expectations of Target or its employees at all. Today's fail video explains why.
Few events in a young woman's life are more momentous than her wedding day. We wonder how this disaster caught on video effected the honeymoon.
If you think the banality of broadcast news is unbearable, good news: this narcoleptic news anchor agrees with you!
It's hard to choose who to pity here: the traumatized fish? Or the emasculated German teenager, caught on video as he cries out for mommy's help?
Hint: When pulling away, always make sure you're in drive... and not in reverse.
There are some truths we hold to be self-evident. Certain basic human rights; forces of nature, like gravity; or the dangers of pyrotechnics, for instance.
Will Roman Polanski be extradited? Is he a misunderstood artist, or a rapist who should rot? Questions! But none as interesting as how the AP's notes for the story landed on the pages of Forbes and the New York Times.
Slate — never heard of it, I asked Paul and he says it's an online magazine for the Olds — is trying to figure out why Internet people like to say "fail." It's because they like to "express [their] schadenfreude out loud," and it's one syllable shorter than "failure." And here I was thinking it's because 4chan kiddies and Twitter freaks are lemmings and will repeat everything until the humor has been bled dry.
Now that everything else has failed for him, John McCain is crawling back to David Letterman to appear on the Late Show this Thursday, after weaseling out of an earlier appearance under the lie that he was needed in Washington to work on the Wall Street bailout. McCain's people are, well, stupid. If he'd appeared when he was supposed to, Letterman would have treated him to a gentle ribbing while the candidate tried to get his talking points out. Now that McCain has lied to the famously testy talk show host—and now that there are tons of new gaffes and missteps that simply didn't exist when he was originally supposed to appear—what can he expect? Slaughter. Letterman isn't some lovable funnyman. He practically invented the contemporary asshole while Seinfeld and Larry David were first working out their club routines. And when a guest pisses him off, he can turn serious and downright mean. Just last week, he was discussing the possibility of having McCain back on the program when he said, ""In an attempt to save his campaign, they're talking about coming back. So we said, sure, we'd love you to come back ... but they're being squirrely. Politicians can be squirrely. ... I just don't know if we can trust him." Previously, Letterman remarked, "This just in…a backwoods hiker has found the wreckage of John McCain's campaign." So if McCain actually does show up on Thursday (though there's no reason to believe he will; Joe Six-Pack Americans watch Leno, his staff may conclude) it's not likely to be a slightly awkward goof-down like we've seen McCain engage in on The Daily Show after he'd given up his last few beliefs to win the GOP nomination. With any luck, Letterman will simply demand over and over again that McCain explain himself, show him evidence of the fact that he totally lied, and belittle his non-role in that bailout plan that didn't work anyway. Hopefully, McCain will lose it in the face of repeated questioning by some mere celebrity that he publicly snubbed, unable to believe that Letterman won't just drop it and make with the funny already. And, hopefully, next Friday's news channels and papers will be full of John McCain—bitter, rigid, elitist, crybaby. [Washington Post]
When we remember the New York Sun, we'll try to remember the great local reporting and the fantastic sports page and the serious and smart arts coverage. Not so much the ideological inanity and loud constant taking of the precisely wrong side of every important issue of this miserable era. In trying to remember them that way, of course, one is best advised to skip most of their farewell edition. The goodbyes are not self-pitying, at least, but they reveal a newspaper that imagines it had some small role in the destruction of this country while turning a blind eye to the many myriad ways they could've continued on their crusade if they hadn't been so utterly out of touch. The opening of the farewell editorial sets the scene:
Well, the press can stop wondering when and where Sarah Palin's first post-nomination television interview will take place. A campaign adviser says they offered ABC nightly news anchor Charles Gibson the job days ago. That's the same Charles Gibson who was last seen being "greasily avuncular and patronizing" when he and his ABC cohort George Stephanopoulos were ruining the Democratic primary debate back in April. You know, the ABC-sponsored event about which a New Yorker scribe wrote, "Seldom has a large corporation so heedlessly inflicted so much civic damage in such a short space of time... If Gibson and his partner, George Stephanopoulos, had halted their descent at the level of the fatuous, that would have been bad enough. But there was worse to come."
On March 23, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch ran an uplifting story about "Virginia Gillis," who had lost her perfect life when her husband started using methamphetamines, burned down their house, and attacked her with a straight razor, cutting her throat "almost all the way through." After a stint of homelessness, she slowly rebuilt her life, and now works as a chef at a homeless program, feeding hundreds of people a week who are stuck in the position that she once was. The paper compares her story to the resurrection of Jesus Christ—this was an Easter-themed feature. But further investigation revealed that, like Jesus, Virginia Gillis' story had a bit of mythology in it. Such as: her name, her age, her location, her outstanding warrants, and everything else about her story! It might have been easier if they just told us what was true in the original, rather than false. The entire, and truly epic, editor's note from page one of yesterday's paper [via Romenesko], after the jump.
In the UK, entertainment reporters have a reputation for being tough and heartless when it comes to reporting on celebrities. But you have to give them this: They're also horny sleazebags. At least one is. His name is Rob Grainge, and he works for the London Paper. Now that French first lady Carla Bruni is getting so much press for her tour of England and other endeavors, the London Paper is trying to get some renewed interest in Grainge's interview with Bruni last year, when she was still a simple model and celebrity. And it is interesting, as a case study in a reporter being unable to control his metaphorical boner while interviewing a pretty woman.
Sometimes a screenshot is worth 1,000 words.
