Intern Alexis, who usually applies a complicated ratings system to the couples featured in the Times' Weddings and Celebrations section to determine who has won the game of life, is out of town. So Emily is filling in. She doesn't believe in point systems, or the bourgeois institution of marriage.

Intern Alexis had Memorial Day off from doing Altarcations, in which, each week, the contestants (whoops! Celebrants!) in the New York Times Vows section are judged, but it doesn't matter anyway because we all knew who would win this week.