Talk about spoilers. Bloomberg News reports that Judge Jeremy Fogel has dismissed a lawsuit claiming Apple CEO Steve Jobs and his executives lied to shareholders about backdating 6,428 stock-option grants issued from 1997 to 2002. With apologies to Fake Steve apologists, there's no longer any reason to read Dan Lyon's Options, a fictionalized account of the legal troubles Jobs faced over the backdating scandal. (Except for the fact that it's howlingly funny.) Even Lyons's ending is less of a letdown than this.

The slight case of sniffles and coughs making the rounds in SF has been dubbed the Woz Cold. Urban legend has it that Apple cofounder Steve Wozniak appeared to introduce Fake Steve blogger Dan Lyons on the Peninsula a week ago despite a nagging head and/or chest cold, depending on who you ask. Woz shook hands and buddied up for photos at the event. Now we're all snuffling and Apple's stock is ... oh wait, it's back near 170. Never mind.

The dirty secret behind last night's book-tour party for Dan Lyons, the man behind the Fake Steve Jobs blog? Rumor is it almost didn't happen, thanks to a little tiff over who was going to rep him. Flack fight! After the jump, the real battle over Fake Steve.

The Q&A session at the Computer History Museum last night was billed as a talk between former Apple evangelist turned venture capitalist Guy Kawasaki and former anonymous blogger turned book shill Dan Lyons, better known as Fake Steve Jobs. But it quickly turned into a sordid three-way. Brad Stone, the New York Times scribe who outed Lyons as Fake Steve joined the two on stage, and what was billed as the "Confessions of Fake Steve Jobs" turned into a celebration of Apple, blogging, and Dan Lyons's massive mancrush on the real Steve Jobs.

Guy Kawasaki does an FSJ Q&A in Mountain View, semantic search gets a little sexy in Palo Alto, and you get a chance to control the government, all in today's Valleywag Calendar.

So this old guy brought his familiar patter to Google's Mountain View headquarters today — oh, and Tony Bennett was there, too. Bennett is just one in a series of musical entertainers brought to the Googleplex, which is a heck of a perk. It's like a free trip to Vegas without having to leave your office. No word on the set list Bennett performed. But given the proclivities of Burning Man attendee and Google CEO Eric Schmidt, might we suggest "Anything Goes"?

Options author Dan Lyons was Friday's guest author at Stacey's Bookstore in San Francisco's financial district. Several audience members — seemingly unaware that Lyons had written a parody about Steve Jobs — grilled the Forbes editor turned humorist on Apple's lack of corporate philanthropy and the allegedly widening income gap between Jobs and everyone else. When Lyons sputtered that he really didn't know the answers, one attendee snorted, "Aren't you supposed to be a business reporter?" I followed one of Lyons's attackers out of the store to a local Peet's, where she once again spoke truth to power. "It's frightening what they put in the food these days," she informed the barista. "Is this Fair Trade coffee?"

Dan Lyons, the faux Apple CEO blogger, is introduced by the real Steve Wozniak. Check Woz's manic but funny patter about Kathy Griffin, Fake Steve, and Apple.

This weekend, check out manmade ski jumps, old computers, and — in case you're not completely over Fake Steve Jobs — more, more, more Dan Lyons! All in this weekend's Valleywag Calendar.

At yesterday's book signing at Keplers in Menlo Park, Apple cofounder Steve Wozniak penned this inscription on the pages of Dan Lyons's Steve Jobs parody novel, Options: "I like this Steve J. better than the real one." Was he kidding? Maybe. But many a truth is said in jest.

So I'm here at Keplers, the bookstore in Menlo Park, with a bunch of Stevetards waiting for Dan Lyons, the faux Apple CEO who pens The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs and the new book Options, a parody memoir of Steve Jobs. He's here for a book reading, and Apple cofounder Steve Wozniak has taken the podium to introduce him. Woz starts speaking a mile a minute, referencing his on-again, off-again romance with comedienne Kathy Griffin. And then he spins into a weird numerological digression. I'm starting to think this guy is actually kind of nuts. Either that, or Lyons has written this routine for him. And then Wozniak presents him with a genuine Apple turtleneck. It's only getting weirder from here, I fear.

Yes, tonight's the night. Dan Lyons as Fake Steve Jobs is meeting Segway-polo fanatic Real Steve Wozniak for an Options reading at the Menlo Park Keplers at 7:30. This is a party that we just can't miss. Some of us anyway. My boss is too cheap to let me expense a Virgin America flight cross-country. Owen "Mr. Bigglesworth" Thomas will be there, purring away. So will Megan McCarthy, the self-proclaimed "Princess of the Valley." Finally, very special correspondent Paul Boutin (boo-TAHN) will be there with his wife, Christina Noren, whom voters on Dig a Silicon Valley Girl have deemed the prettiest girl in the area. You don't want to miss that! Hit the jump to see what Fake Steve had to say the last time Woz crashed his party.

Marina boys, pretty pictures and Steves real and fake in Menlo Park. All in tonight's Valleywag Calendar.

A Lexis-Nexis search confirms our suspicion that today's Wall Street Journal review of Fake Steve Jobs's Options contains the first-ever use of the phrase "Holy friggin mother of Jesus" in a U.S. newspaper.

Options, the parody Steve Jobs novel, has totally surprised those of us who expected a throwaway. It's 248 mostly hilarious pages, with a tight story line and a protagonist who evolves credibly. You can read my enthusiastic review in Wednesday's Wall Street Journal, where it's the business book of the week. But more important is this teaser email from Kepler's Books in Menlo Park, where author Dan Lyons will appear Thursday evening.

If you're going to call someone a liar, first be sure it's the truth. I'm rockin' the house to Craig Morgan's "International Harvester," catching up on last week's infighting between Secret Diary of Steve Jobs author Dan Lyons and videoblogger Robert Scoble. Lyons says Scoble's company, PodTech, is "going under." Scoble says the company is "restructuring its business and refocusing its resources." It's all fun and games until the Scobleizer repeatedly asserts — on Twitter, of course — that yours truly at Valleywag prints LIES!

After Dan Lyons, the Forbes editor who blogs as Fake Steve Jobs, visited Microsoft's main Redmond campus to talk about his new book, Options, he sat down for an interview with Microsoft's Channel 10. The best part? Fast forward 8:30 to the point where Lyons says, "I'm very excited about the Zune 80," Microsoft's latest music player. He then pretends to realize his gaffe: "People who read my blog are going to be very upset." Of course, any close readers of Fake Steve Jobs will know Lyons, in a classic move, dropped that bit in intentionally to drive the iPod-fanboy commentards on his blog batshit crazy. Dan Lyons invented this kind of thing on The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs. Have you heard of it?

Dan Lyons, the Forbes editor behind the Fake Steve Jobs media empire, has written a new book. Or he might has well have. Have you seen the man's LinkedIn profile? For interests, Lyons lists: "Skiing, rowing, running, chasing my two-year-old twins around the house." He should have added: "going on and on." The monstrosity comes in at 2,000 words. His summary alone hits 121. We wanted Paul Boutin to write a 100-word version, but he's too busy writing his review of Options for the Wall Street Journal on his BlackBerry. So here's my mercifully brief version of Lyons's "Experience" and "Education" fields, which he could use to outline his memoir:

"If you're a CEO and you have time to write a blog, then what the fuck are you doing? Dude, you're supposed to be running a company." — Dan Lyons, the Forbes editor behind Fake Steve Jobs. Dan-O, is that anything like how your bosses at Forbes thought you were supposed to be writing for the magazine? [Wallstrip]

We picked up Dan Lyons's rumor as Fake Steve Jobs that Facebook has cajoled hedge funds into investing another $500 million, and noted that CFO Gideon Yu must never sleep. And Forbes, where Lyons has a day job, also called the deal complete. Not so, people familiar with the matter told the Wall Street Journal. The new investment will only be as much as another $260 million, making the total raised in this round, including Microsoft's money, $500 million. An announcement could come soon, but nothing's been signed yet. We know some VCs wanted in on this deal but hear it got too rich for them. (Photo by spcbrass)